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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to cut back on Christmas this year?

77 replies

CathJames · 26/08/2015 09:21

Hi me and dh have three kids 12,9 and 8. We were talking about Christmas the other day and we've agreed that we need to cut back this year for a number of reasons but whilst talking to my sister about it she seemed shocked and said bat she wouldn't dream of ever scaling down Christmas as her kids would be so let down! Well as it stands we have to cut back and these are the reasons why.

First off we don't have a huge disposable income between me and dh's infome, but we've always pushed Xmas to the limit and have sometimes had to put it on a credit card. Not always, but last year we did and we have only just finished paying it off this month! Our 12 year old ds had been horrendous this year, he's like another child, really disresptful, not appreciating anything, feeling like he's hard done by despite him having similar things to his friends and not wanting for anything. We don't want to punish him by cutting back but we want him to appreciate the little things in life and realise that life is not all about what you have or what you accumulate.

We have two dd's age 9 and 8. The 9 year old has everything a girl of her age could ever want, she is extremely appreciative and looks after her things but I'm worried eventually she'll go the same way as her brother. Our 8 year old dd is autistic/asd and whilst her behaviour has calmed down a lot from when she was 4/5 years old she still has moments were she'll destroy things. To be honest she doesn't play with toys as such and prefers special sensory objects, loves books, puzzles, Lego etc so has a room stuffed with toys that have gone to waste.

As well as this me and dh have booked three short holidays (Butlins, Park Reaorts and Haven) for next year, and a weekend away in Ireland for my dh's 40th. Now we usually can only afford one weeks holiday in the UK each year but dh got an unexpected bonus from work and a tax rebate this year so we used the money to book a few short breaks away as we really do need some family time. But we need to save up spends which will amount to around 2.5k, it may not sound a lot to some I understand but for us it's huge.

So for us to be able to afford to go away and to celebrate dh's 40th we need to save up a set amount each month and cut back a bit at Christmas. My eldest, like I said has become a bit spoiled and like I said unappreciative. My girls have so much already as we've wasted so much money buying our youngest toys that will never get played with. So AIBU in wanting to spend our money on something we'll all enjoy, having time away rather than spending it on one day which comes around every year?

OP posts:
JeffsanArsehole · 26/08/2015 09:28

Obviously you are right. There is no reason to discuss finances with her at all though.

Just buy your kids small gifts judiciously and cheaply and no one will notice. Not even the kids.

chillybillybob · 26/08/2015 09:30

Have you told your 3 dc about the 3 weekend breaks? If not why not wait till Christmas and say they are the large family presents. And there is only smaller gifts this year.

Time spent together is much better than material things. I know my dc would prefer the weekends away than more toys and tat.

Holberg · 26/08/2015 09:31

May I politely ask whether you're using your real name? (DD 9 rhymes with Borgia?) You might want to name change, as we're all anonymous on here.
I think it's good to scale back, you want your children to appreciate what they have.

MsVestibule · 26/08/2015 09:31

YANBU. I feel this way about Christmas. It's not even just the spending of the money, it's more the fact that it feels as though we're wasting it on presents they'll rarely play with, just so they have a biggish pile to open on Christmas morning. And we spend less than anybody we know on Christmas presents.

However, you will need to manage the DCs expectations. How do you plan to do this?

CathJames · 26/08/2015 09:32

I don't usually discuss my finances with anyone, but my sister is money mad and openly talks about how much money she is spending on this and that, including Christmas. She asked me what I am buying my children this year and when I said I wasn't sure as I haven't really thought about it yet she asked why. So I just explained that we have a lot on next year and we need to save up a lot between now and July, she just seemed kind of shocked that I'd "sacrifice" Christmas in order to pay for it though.

OP posts:
CathJames · 26/08/2015 09:35

Erm, yes this is my real name, and my dd's name is Isobelle lol???

OP posts:
Holberg · 26/08/2015 09:38

Different one then, but still, you might not want your friends and neighbours knowing your finances!

CathJames · 26/08/2015 09:41

To be honest my girls don't really have massive expectations. They've never had massive ott piles to open but they've never gone without an are always ecstatic come Xmas morning. My ds was the same until he started high school and now he's become so entitled and wants to have exactly what his friends have. And although I've indulged him to a certain degree in order for him to "fit in" he knows that me and his dad aren't a bottomless pit in terms of money and that we can't and won't just give him everything he asks for. He's a lovely lad and does chores around the house and will help anyone but on the other hand he's expecting too much from us and we just can't do it.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 26/08/2015 09:42

As a family we have always kept limited what we spend at Christmas even though we could afford more. Our DC have enough stuff and what they really value is family time. We don't go mad on food and drink either as you end up eating it because its there rather than because you are enjoying it.

Think about some family things you could do together to make Christmas special even if its just a family movie night with a DVD and popcorn. Make them a Christmas stocking if you want them to have extra presents without too much cost.

When they are older DC won't remember how many boxes of chocolates you had at Christmas but they will remember the walk in the park and the trip to the panto.

BrandNewAndImproved · 26/08/2015 09:44

I'm cutting back to its ridiculous the amount of money I've spent on Xmas over the years. Last year particularly. I do love their faces when they see all their presents but it's not worth piles of fairly good toys never being played with and craft sets that never get used.

This year they will be getting a bike, a couple of second hand ps3 games, clothes and headphones. I have been thinking of getting the bikes second hand there are loads of them on my local fb selling page.

AugustDay · 26/08/2015 10:03

I wouldn't enjoy Christmas if I knew I would still be paying it off months later.

It sounds like you are having holidays this year rather than an excessive Christmas. I don't see any problem with that at all.

I think having the mindset that you should buy things for your kids so that they fit in is a dodgy precedent. It's not teaching them to be sensible with money.

How much do you depend on your wider family? We don't buy for our siblings and nephews and nieces. We all get on well and love to see each other but none of us do presents. It's less hassle, less angst and cheaper too.

Marynary · 26/08/2015 10:05

I probably wouldn't but back on my children's christmas presents. However, I don't think I spend a fortune on them in the first place and I tend to buy some things that I would have bought anyway e.g. clothes. You haven't really said what you normally spend so hard to comment on your situation.

Marynary · 26/08/2015 10:05

but cut

Goshthatsspicy · 26/08/2015 10:09

Yes, cut back.
It sounds like all your needs are being met, and you have a few things to look forward to.

scarlets · 26/08/2015 10:11

You could perhaps eBay DC3's unused toys and use that money towards Christmas presents.

I think your general plan for a scaled-back Christmas is really sensible.

specialsubject · 26/08/2015 10:13

if you are still paying off the sparkly tat in AUGUST give yourself a good talking to.

lots of short holidays are much more fun than 1 day (At most) playing with a load of presents.

don't be a sheep. Cut back on the crap and do what YOU enjoy.

blowinahoolie · 26/08/2015 10:13

We will be cutting back because DC3 is due any day now and it's going to be dear with raising three DC. Nothing wrong with scaling back, IMO. Children don't need lots of tat.

OnlyLovers · 26/08/2015 10:14

You really don't have to tell her the ins and outs of your finances, just because she's happy to talk about money.

And of course YANBU.

TheLightsWinning · 26/08/2015 10:15

YANBU at all.
I think when I look back at my childhood Christmasses, I don't remember the details of how many gifts I got and whether I had got the same as everyone else, but the time I got to spend with my family, the lovely dinner, the falling asleep in front of whatever awful film was on that day.
Its one day a year though, and I think we all put so much pressure on ourselves for it to be perfect that we forget to bloody well enjoy it.
If I was in your shoes I'd set a realistic budget for each child, ask them to pick one thing they really wanted and take it from there. If they ask for soemthing rediculous, expalin it's simply not happening this year, and don't let them make you feel guilty. They will be getting three lovely breaks and a party to celebrate your DSH's fortieth. Its good for kids to learn this stuff.

notaprincessbutaqueen · 26/08/2015 10:16

we are cutting back this year but mainly because the kids have sooo many blooming toys they simply do not need anymore. I didn't have half the number of toys my children have but still had a happy childhood. experiences are worth so much more so holidays and days out etc are a much better use of your money then another toy added to the pile to hardly get played with x

Sansoora · 26/08/2015 10:16

I wouldnt even discuss it with the kids. I'd just randomly say at some stage - Christmas will be smaller this year.

And as for telling you inlaws etc - dont even bring it up. Its none of their business.

OnlyLovers · 26/08/2015 10:18

when I look back at my childhood Christmasses, I don't remember the details of how many gifts I got and whether I had got the same as everyone else.

This is spot on.

AnthonyPandy · 26/08/2015 10:19

Even without any of those reasons you are perfectly right to cut back. I see people spend and buy so much at Christmas then spend the following year in financial trouble and also trying to declutter all the time!

CathJames · 26/08/2015 10:21

Usually I spend £400 each on my kids. Also I forgot to mention that I used to work full time and have no had my hours cut to part time. Before this we could easily afford a lavish Christmas and holidays but not anymore.

OP posts:
CrumbledFeta · 26/08/2015 10:26

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