To want to cut back on Christmas this year?

[CathJames]

Hi me and dh have three kids 12,9 and 8. We were talking about Christmas the other day and we've agreed that we need to cut back this year for a number of reasons but whilst talking to my sister about it she seemed shocked and said bat she wouldn't dream of ever scaling down Christmas as her kids would be so let down! Well as it stands we have to cut back and these are the reasons why.

First off we don't have a huge disposable income between me and dh's infome, but we've always pushed Xmas to the limit and have sometimes had to put it on a credit card. Not always, but last year we did and we have only just finished paying it off this month! Our 12 year old ds had been horrendous this year, he's like another child, really disresptful, not appreciating anything, feeling like he's hard done by despite him having similar things to his friends and not wanting for anything. We don't want to punish him by cutting back but we want him to appreciate the little things in life and realise that life is not all about what you have or what you accumulate.

We have two dd's age 9 and 8. The 9 year old has everything a girl of her age could ever want, she is extremely appreciative and looks after her things but I'm worried eventually she'll go the same way as her brother. Our 8 year old dd is autistic/asd and whilst her behaviour has calmed down a lot from when she was 4/5 years old she still has moments were she'll destroy things. To be honest she doesn't play with toys as such and prefers special sensory objects, loves books, puzzles, Lego etc so has a room stuffed with toys that have gone to waste.

As well as this me and dh have booked three short holidays (Butlins, Park Reaorts and Haven) for next year, and a weekend away in Ireland for my dh's 40th. Now we usually can only afford one weeks holiday in the UK each year but dh got an unexpected bonus from work and a tax rebate this year so we used the money to book a few short breaks away as we really do need some family time. But we need to save up spends which will amount to around 2.5k, it may not sound a lot to some I understand but for us it's huge.

So for us to be able to afford to go away and to celebrate dh's 40th we need to save up a set amount each month and cut back a bit at Christmas. My eldest, like I said has become a bit spoiled and like I said unappreciative. My girls have so much already as we've wasted so much money buying our youngest toys that will never get played with. So AIBU in wanting to spend our money on something we'll all enjoy, having time away rather than spending it on one day which comes around every year?

I don't see any problem with spending what you have only. £400/child sounds a heck of a lot to me. I tend to be quite tight in terms of presents, but line up lots of nice things for us to do as a family. Sounds like your ds could do with reminding what the limits are. (Think this'll be us next year.)

3 kids x £400 x 18 (years) = £21,600

I don't know what you and you DH earn but £21k would be a fair whack to devote to children's Xmas presents over their childhoods. I don't mind buying things they need such as a laptop for university or a bike but just buying toys or 'stuff' (iykwim) seems a bit wasteful even if you can afford it easily.

2ndSopranosRule
£400 a child? Going into debt? Worrying about what your sister thinks and, moreover, thinking about it in August?

^^THIS^^^

I agree that your holidays are a good reason to cut back on Christmas spending, the DC will be having two more next year than they would usually have had.

I second selling the toys that DD2 hasn't touched. If not on Ebay, there are lots of local selling/swap sites, there's probably one on FaceBook near you. Start to include things in the DC'S gifts that are not toys or games, but more useful items that they need such as toiletries, socks, and other clothing items. Your DS is at the age where he feels the need to fit in with his mates, but not to the extent of making you struggle. By careful bargain hunting you might be able to manage some of his wishes, however he should be aware that if one of his gift wishes is expensive he will get fewer other gifts.

I find that you can cut back in other ways on expense, not just by giving less and cheaper gifts, but on food and drink as well. Planning meals and what you will need on your shopping list for the Christmas period means you are less likely to buy too much. For example don't buy lots of extra things that your family don't particularly like, 'in case' you get visitors. Only get what you know will be eaten. Particularly apply this to drinks, stick to a limited choice that you know you will drink yourselves if guests don't.

Don't feel that you must discuss your finances with your DSIS just because she likes talking about money, it really isn't any of her business.

Fair enough. But trust me I don't usually talk about money and certainly don't usually talk about Christmas until at least October/November, but like I said my sister was the one who brought it up and it just got me thinking.

The key thing is, in my view anyway, that you can reduce the amount you spend at Christmas without reducing the enjoyment. You have sensibly recognised that you need to cut back as you don't want to repeat this year's experience. Deep down you know that Christmas isn't about how much you spend on each child, its about having fun as a family. You will enjoy Christmas more, if you know that you have spend what you could afford rather than what you felt you must spend.

You have enough pressure in your life, don't add an unecessary financial burden to it.

I am planning £150 per child plus stockings.
We also tend to do an outing of some sort - but prob NT of which we are members.
I do think £400 per child is a bit ott.

Wrt thinking of Xmas in August...some of us have to.
I have to budget carefully for xmas and it starts about now/September!

YANBU. We never put spends for Xmas on credit cards. You spend what you could afford. I think we work out about £50 for DD1 last year. Stocking is just an orange, a piece of chocolate, and a book last year. And she also has one bigger gift. This year we have DD2, but I have already decided she's going to get one toot toot driver set (£30-40) and a stocking.

We don't really do Xmas at all. DD has a stocking of bits and pieces and I do a roast dinner on whichever day we designate as Xmas. Less than £100, no stress whatsoever.

Exactly. I know of people who start thinking about it at the start of summer as they have to spread their spend if out.

Honestly I think you are being completely reasonable. However you might get more support and ideas if you have a look at the Christmas threads where there are plenty of us already thinking and doing Christmas stuff, either because we need to financially, or we need to time-wise or both or neither.

Cath, my mum used to start looking out bargains practically from New Year in the sales, for the next Christmas. As there seem to be a lot of sales these days, all year, you could pick up a lot of things for stocking fillers and birthdays and DSIS' kids. I know it sounds mad, but it helped her a lot to spread the cost throughout the year as she had a lot of relatives.

I think particularly for your youngest DD's gifts, starting to research what she would really like while you are unhurried would be beneficial (for both of you,) otherwise I imagine the temptation is to just get something if stressed and running out of time which may not be a success with her.

One thing I am not going to do this year is buy loads of Xmas type food.
We don't really like it that much and a lot gets wasted.
Am hoping for an invite to pils for Xmas day.
I have started xmas shopping...got the DC a Nerf thingy each from the John Lewis sale (£10 cheaper than Amazon) and a cd for Dh.
That's it so far :)

Yes, join the Christmas topic! There's always a bargain thread and suggestions for gifts and ways of having a lovely Christmas for less.

YANBU.

It's nobody else's business, and it's also not a "sacrifice". You aren't cancelling Christmas, you are rethinking how you celebrate it to focus on the things that matter.

Those things include not getting into debt, and not amassing mounds of junk that never gets played with.

I think you are being perfectly reasonable, and you should look on all of this as a good thing, not a "cut back".

But we need to save up spends which will amount to around 2.5k, it may not sound a lot to some I understand but for us it's huge.

we are having 5 nights away this whole year and our spends are £500. Family of four.

So your budget is way above ours even on a good year.

However op, do you ever go over to the Christmas boards?

Lots of thrifty Christmas savers there, many start buying in the Jan sales - including me. Pick things up along the way, from all sorts of places including, ebay, charity, car boots and even free cycle and amazon.

Lots of tips and a running bargin thread always going.

It is possible to cut back without the children being so aware of it.

Its a good idea to give your 12 year old, some good quality but fewer gifts.

Budget food to last crisp.

Its usually atmosphere that prevails at xmas, family and so on.
As long as there is something to open, as long as there are some xmas decs to mark it out from a normal day, as long as there is some special food, even be it = something you never allow them to have, as long as there is some christmas atmos....scale back.

Having lovely breaks next year will give more family value in longer run.

BTW op, I am almost done with regards to xmas shopping I have to spread out costs over year have no lump sum to buy in one go and have to buy when bargins on.

I started to save a little each week and more each month thanks to advice on xmas threads.

this has helped us enormously and now I have immediate funds to pull on for bargains to snap up or days out at xmas that get booked up quickly.

I am also cutting back on xmas food this year.

I have also got much better at buying gifts. I do buy some tat for instance some crappy wind up minions toys -one each for stocking, £2.25 each reduced from ridiculous £9 each!! So will have some tat but now buy better quality longer lasting crafts and so on.

DH and I have usually had a joint income of over £100k and we have only ever put in £100 each for our two sons, that works out at a nice present and a full stocking. Please don't beat yourself up about not wanting to spend £400 each! Christmas for us is about playing board games, ( all ancient, some inherited) wearing silly paper hats, dancing around to corny old Christmas songs and eating lovely food that follows our old traditions.

This year we have DD2, but I have already decided she's going to get one toot toot driver set (£30-40) and a stocking.

head have you ever been to baby sales in your area - ? NCT or similar it may be worth having a look.

I once sold myself a huge ELC train set, literally a HUGE box of track with loads of trains for £15 , the ladies hand was shaking as she got the money out....it was such a bargain, but I needed it gone and wanted to make sure it sold. I could have broken it up and sold as sets on ebay but I had not the time or inclination at that point. It was worth about £100

I have also picked up similar amazing bargins at car boots and so on.

Just thinking that buying second hand at those sorts of places - £40 is a huge budget and you could come away with a much larger haul?

as a general comment, if you don't have savings to cover reasonably likely events such as boiler breakdown, that is a much higher priority than ANY presents.

sothisissummer yes I have been to the NCT Salesians gumtrees etc. But I work full time with a 2 hour commute. And the girls have swimming and ballet in the weekend mornings. I'd rather be doing something else in my weekends! I order gifts online.

Someone unthread mentioned managing expectations. It's the truth. They can be happy even when not showered with a lot of gifts. Stick to a budget. And if you can get a bargain, all the better!

No YANBU.

Family holidays are more likely to last in memories than presents - I seem to remember some research reporting that suggested activities meant more and made DC happier than stuff - so were better bet money wise.

I'm thinking about this coming Christmas already.

Last year I listened to everyone saying I'd get less if I didn't buy now and ultimately spend less. Start of Dec - within two weeks the school had wanted for various things added up to over 200 pounds - multiple DC - and then DH had some work expenses that wouldn't be paid back till Jan. Left me broke and putting Christmas on card to come off over Jan and Feb.

Timing worked well much less well - as have birthdays after Christmas and I got less for my money as well.

I would rather leave it til November/December tbh, less time trying to store stuff, hide stuff etc.
But I need to budget. So I buy a few bits each month from August onwards.
I live in a village, no major shops nearby so I shop online for 99% of gifts.
I won't be sending many cards this year that's for sure....hardly got any last year!

Cutting back here too. And I prepare well in advance for Christmas too but we need to scale things down and we will.

Yanbu. I will be doing the same this year for my dh, 6 month old and I as I'm on maternity until February and we just don't have it. I'm waiting for the conversations with family when they'll be expecting us to buy them big gifts to a price they set lol. It usually goes with them "we've spent this much on you without checking with you so we expect the same in return". My family seem to be all about presents . It's token gifts this year and that's it. We've already sorted dd for her first Xmas but I don't think she'll be bothered at 6 month lol.