To want to cut back on Christmas this year?

[CathJames]

Hi me and dh have three kids 12,9 and 8. We were talking about Christmas the other day and we've agreed that we need to cut back this year for a number of reasons but whilst talking to my sister about it she seemed shocked and said bat she wouldn't dream of ever scaling down Christmas as her kids would be so let down! Well as it stands we have to cut back and these are the reasons why.

First off we don't have a huge disposable income between me and dh's infome, but we've always pushed Xmas to the limit and have sometimes had to put it on a credit card. Not always, but last year we did and we have only just finished paying it off this month! Our 12 year old ds had been horrendous this year, he's like another child, really disresptful, not appreciating anything, feeling like he's hard done by despite him having similar things to his friends and not wanting for anything. We don't want to punish him by cutting back but we want him to appreciate the little things in life and realise that life is not all about what you have or what you accumulate.

We have two dd's age 9 and 8. The 9 year old has everything a girl of her age could ever want, she is extremely appreciative and looks after her things but I'm worried eventually she'll go the same way as her brother. Our 8 year old dd is autistic/asd and whilst her behaviour has calmed down a lot from when she was 4/5 years old she still has moments were she'll destroy things. To be honest she doesn't play with toys as such and prefers special sensory objects, loves books, puzzles, Lego etc so has a room stuffed with toys that have gone to waste.

As well as this me and dh have booked three short holidays (Butlins, Park Reaorts and Haven) for next year, and a weekend away in Ireland for my dh's 40th. Now we usually can only afford one weeks holiday in the UK each year but dh got an unexpected bonus from work and a tax rebate this year so we used the money to book a few short breaks away as we really do need some family time. But we need to save up spends which will amount to around 2.5k, it may not sound a lot to some I understand but for us it's huge.

So for us to be able to afford to go away and to celebrate dh's 40th we need to save up a set amount each month and cut back a bit at Christmas. My eldest, like I said has become a bit spoiled and like I said unappreciative. My girls have so much already as we've wasted so much money buying our youngest toys that will never get played with. So AIBU in wanting to spend our money on something we'll all enjoy, having time away rather than spending it on one day which comes around every year?

I can see why you would want to cut back and I agree. But I also have to ask if you could have paid off last years Christmas bill before booking 3 holidays (which is a tad much imo)??? To be honest it sounds like you and your hubby need to learn to budget everything a lot more.

YANBU me and DH have said exactly the same this year after sorting out the kids rooms and finding most things unopened and just thrown to one side.
We have a huge family anyway so they will always have a mountain of presents, we just used to buy more and more to make their faces light up xmas morning which in fairness it is more for mine and dh's pleasure to see them, because clearly the kids are not that bothered once they have opened them all.
Both kids have had £400 spent on them on birthdays this year on BIG presents, they need nothing so this year it will be small.

When did you last spend £400 on each of them?
Were you still doing that when your work hours were cut...?

Christ almighty. £400 on each kid! Definitely cut back! I'm not sure how much we spend on our two but it's probably half that because they have so much anyway they hardily need anymore and we don't have space.

You've missed the January sales (when I always pick up pyjamas for the following Christmas!) and I think many of the summer sales have been and gone but a bit of judicious shopping and picking up things as you go along, can result in a pile of presents without spending a fortune. I agree with others that how much and how many presents isn't what I remember, most of the things I remember from my childhood Christmas's are small things like the Bronnley bubble path in a cracker and the manicure set (which made me feel a very grown up 10yo). There are some great ideas on some of the Christmas discussions: I particularly liked the film package which was a dvd with a packet of popcorn to make, or the hot chocolate treat which was a lovely mug, plus a good quality chocolate swizzle stick and bag of marshmallows.

Ds1 (who is almost 9) has actually asked if he can have subscriptions to his favourite magazines as that would mean he doesn't have to spend his pocket money on them for which I am profoundly grateful -as I can ask the grandparents to get him that instead of more tat!

Good luck and don't feel the need to talk to in-laws about it at all.

We did pay off the credit card first. We paid it off on the 3rd of August and cut it up! My dh went into work on the Wednesday or Thursday and was handed his wage slip as well as a £1000 bonus. Then, I think it was the following Monday he reviewed a cheque from from the inland revenue for around £800. We'd already paid the credit card off like I said otherwise we'd have used this money to pay it up. And to be fair me and my dh budget like hell. I'm 37 he's 39 and we only got our first credit card last year due to unexpected repairs (our boiler broke December of last year) hence why Xmas went on the credit card. We learned our lesson with the credit card and decided they're just not worth it but as for everything else is food shopping, clothes, school supplies we budget really really well.

£400 each No wonder you are still paying it off in August. Thats a ridiculous amount of money for one day. I think most years I've spent £75-£100 on DD and I thought that was a lot of money too.

Just say to the children that Christmas presents will be cut back due to the forth coming holidays and recent cut backs you have had to make as you are now working pt, tbh they had it pretty good so far.

My hours were cut last year in the September and then the boiler broke in the December. We had already bought some of our children's presents but the rest of Xmas went on the credit card. I could do the same again this year if I wanted to as I have a credit limit of £2000 and could easily order another card but the point is I don't want to.

It hasn't always been bang on £400 sometimes it has been less like for instance when they were younger baby and toddler toys weren't that much but I've a teenager almost now and toys/gadgets aren't cheap.

Op your children may be disappointed but it's really not worth getting into debt over it, that ruins the joy of Christmas.

Just enjoy the day and forget the materialism of it.

You dont have to justify spending 400 on each child. It was your money to do what you liked with. And yes it may have been reckless putting it on a card but so what? You've paid it off and you're in no hurry to do it again.

To be honest though....and correct me if I'm wrong. It still seems that you are excessively spending. You took out a credit card to get a boiler replacement. And then also relied on it for xmas. And then when you came into some money you spent it on booking holidays and are now worrying about the cutbacks you have to make? Why did you not keep the money (pretend it was never received) to cover the next 'unexpected' bill especially as you say you are now part time. Tbh I'm not really looking for you to justify/answer this....I just don't get it really!

I think ?400 per child is a lot. We spend a fair bit throughout the year on family things but individual presents tend to be quite a lot smaller (with the exception of DS1 bike as he had outgrown his last one). You could easily cut that figure in half or even to a quarter and still buy nice presents for your DC. I would start with a working budget of max ?100 per DC plus ?100-200 on family stuff. You would need to save ?100-?125 pm until Christmas to cover it.

You would still have a great Christmas.

"l don't want to"
Don't then.
Honestly, if more parents became less materialistic at Christmas - it would do us all a favour!
Half the time, l think parents overindulge purely because they are worried their children will feel left out!

It's silliness - sorry but it is silliness - like this that makes me hate Christmas. My MIL gets horribly materialistic at Christmas and it's become a time when our house gets overrun with tat she cannot afford, we don't want, and that never gets played with.

£400 a child? Going into debt? Worrying about what your sister thinks and, moreover, thinking about it in August?

No, I didn't use the credit card to pay for the new boiler, we already had the money put away for unexpected repairs and we had enough to cover it but then dh's car broke down and so that was another £700, that is the only reason we put most of Xmas on a credit card, it's not something that we have ever done previously. And to be fair yes, we could have taken dh's bonus and tax refund and put it away for a rainy day but we need some family time away from our everyday life. Like I've already said, our youngest has additional needs and life has been pretty tough these last five years or so, we need to get away from it all for the sake of our health, mental health and emotional well being as we are all utterly exhausted.

Im sorry Chaz but if you knew me you'd know that I'm probably the least materialistic person ever. Me and dh don't drive posh cars, we don't own fancy gadgets, we don't wear designer clothes etc etc...and yes, maybe we have indulged our children a little bit but they have always appreciated everything and up until these last few months with our eldest acting up we would have never considered them "spoiled". Although like I said our eldest is becoming that way so me and dh are doing te responsible thing and cutting back slightly now before it's too late and he becomes entitled and expects everything handed to him on a plate. We are trying to make changes and no body is perfect you know.

Sorry Chaz, I read the wrong post, that was meant for Goshthatsspicy.

So now I ask, seen as you can justify it and feel deserved of these breaks etc....why are you asking us aybu? You clearly think you are not, and seem.to have it all answered for in your head.

Also re-read your posts they seem tocontradict just a little. You say you never put xmas on a credit card...your op says 'sometimes have had to'. It's your money/family do what you want (obviously) but I don't see the point in your op anymore tbh!!

I have 3 DCs and £400 is a budget that does them all plus DH! I know as they get bigger I will prob have to up it (currently all primary ahe) but we all still enjoy Christmas.

We do family days out and random small gifts in the year but never go nuts at either Christmas or Birthdays. When I need to buy big things tbh I will save them for birthdays then it spreads the cost.

Oh FGS I have got into debt ONCE for christmas, once since I first had children almost 13 years ago! I won't be doing it again hence my post asking for reassurance and maybe some tips, which thankfully most posters have bothered to give instead of trying to shame me.

When I said I've sometimes had to I simply meant that I've put the odd present on store cards or catalogue over the years but only one or two and I don't have either anymore and up until last year i'd never owned a credit card. I do think we deserve a holiday away and some time together yes but I posted because I was a little unsure about whether cutting back on Christmas would seem a little mean and to see how other posters in a similar position would feel about it if they had to cut back, that's all.

cath l didn't say you were materialistic.
I was speaking generally. I'm sure you know some parents spend way more than you have.
I can only assume you are new here?
This section is pretty plain speaking.
I'm sorry if your feelings have been hurt.

No, my feelings haven't been hurt, i'm sorry i misunderstood.

Look, sensible usage of credit cards is fine. We also needed a new boiler this year and it was a toss up between credit card or a loan. We chose the latter option. It was an absolute necessity: it was 40 yo and had conked out completely. It was also December and we live in NW England.

Noone is trying to shame you OP, but this is AIBU, it's August and you're talking about Christmas and how much money you spend.

for you cath

Life can be very stressful sometimes...

I'm sure whatever you spend, will result in a lovely Christmas for you all.