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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore my neighbour?

64 replies

ilovemilton · 25/08/2015 23:58

I'm a single mum with two children under ten. Man aged in his fifties moved in across the street alone.

He knocks on my door everyday. At first I answered it to be polite but he was clearly drunk and had me standing there for an hour listening to his life story. Then again the night after, and after, and after....

I asked him to stop knocking as the children were in bed. Continues. I ignore. He stands there for half an hour plus knocking away.

Then he posts a note through saying he will be cutting my hedges tomorrow, leave the brown bin out. I hid the brown bin, as I had told him in many previous conversations I didn't want him too, but come back from work to find them cut. My DM had been to say thank you before I got home, and he said he would be over later "to settle up" ie for me to pay him!

I continue to ignore the knocking. Every night. For half an hour plus.

Last night I had to go out when he was knocking. I couldn't get past him to get to my car. He wanted to know why I had dug my trees out after he had cut them for me!! (Planned work for new driveway).

He was knocking on my door just now. Its nearly midnight. It's driving me mad. I don't know how to stop him!

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 25/08/2015 23:59

I had one of those, ignore him.

Original poster
ilovemilton · 26/08/2015 00:01

He's clearly not giving up! How long til yours did?

I'm starting to get paranoid, he's stood in the street when I leave the house. Or comes out when I'm putting the kids in the car and stands and watches.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 26/08/2015 00:02

I would ask a policeman to have a word but flip side of that is he gets nasty.

Best to ignore and maybe another your knocker in Vaseline or something.

Ledkr · 26/08/2015 00:03

I'd call the police (and I never say that) suru that's harassment.

Ledkr · 26/08/2015 00:03

Or stalking

Original poster
ilovemilton · 26/08/2015 00:03

Like gamerchick says, very worried he will turn nasty.

OP posts:
Poppyclock · 26/08/2015 00:04

That actually sounds really scary. I don't think you'd be overreacting by going to the police.

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 00:04

How long has this been going on for? Is he at all threatening?

Original poster
ilovemilton · 26/08/2015 00:05

A few months now. It's not every night as I work shifts and go out etc. But it is most nights I am home.

OP posts:
catzpyjamas · 26/08/2015 00:05

I would explain ONCE more, when he's sober, why it is upsetting and frustrating that he keeps knocking on your door. Tell him his behaviour is inappropriate.
Then if he does it again, I would call the police on him. Even if it's just a community cop to have a word, it might make him realise that this cannot continue.

Original poster
ilovemilton · 26/08/2015 00:06

Last night I felt threatened as I couldn't get past him to leave my house. Why the hell should I tell him why I cut my trees down?

I'm glad you all don't think I'm over reacting. Apart from last night, he just knocks and watches. I didn't think the police would be bothered.

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 26/08/2015 00:07

Mine didn't knock for an hour.

He kept trying for a month, then gave up.

He was trying to have control of my bins, hedge, garden and kept me listening to his boring stories. He can't cope if you don't allow him to tell you his every movement from start to finish that day, including food. He was a boarder and wanted me to have a relationship with him. Envy vom. He was forty years older than me.

I don't go out much anymore as he tries it on if he sees me.

MrsSippy · 26/08/2015 00:09

what catz said

Also, stop trying to be so polite, don't humour him and tell your DM what's happening so she doesn't interact with him either

Good luck OP, it sound like a nightmare

Original poster
ilovemilton · 26/08/2015 00:09

Eugh. That's exactly what his conversations were like. I thought he was going to start trying it on. And yeah, at least twenty years older than me.

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 26/08/2015 00:11

You just have to go against your normal behaviour and be rude to them, walk past don't stop, dash inside, put bins out late at night. I also shop once he is in for the night so I don't bump into him.

gamerchick · 26/08/2015 00:11

Do you have a big beefy bloke you could call on for a favour? Having him knock and chase him might hammer a point home.

TooScaredToPostPostHack · 26/08/2015 00:13

Start keeping a diary if what he does and for how long. Then contact local police station/101/community policing for advice

howtorebuild · 26/08/2015 00:14

My neighbour told me he had had therapy for mh problems when he was younger. I don't know if it's related or what his issues were. Confused

All I need to know is he doesn't respect boundaries and being polite encourages his bad behaviour.

Original poster
ilovemilton · 26/08/2015 00:20

No big beefy bloke Hmm

I don't feel so rude anymore. Thanks!

I'm still unsure of police input. I just think it will turn him nasty because I don't think police will be able to do much.

But I certainly don't want to have to start creeping around my own street. Although looking back, I think I have started to.

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 00:21

Agree that you should speak to him when he's sober. Tell him his behaviour is unacceptable and that if he continues you will consider it harassment and call the police. They will/should take it seriously enough to speak to him, then more if he continues.

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 00:22

If you give him warning that you will call the police then he has a choice. If the police speak to him and he turns nasty you can call 999.

Do you know your other neighbours? Does he bother them, or do they see him bothering you?

Original poster
ilovemilton · 26/08/2015 00:25

He only calls when he's drunk though. And I certainly don't want to go knocking on his door!

Yeah one neighbour noticed last nights incident and said a few people have had issues with him.

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 26/08/2015 00:30

He will move on to someone else if you hide from him. The one here magically made up with the woman across the road he previously fell out with. He told me it was over the daughter's boyfriend. Maybe the boyfriend scared him off? He goes after single women and wants to take over the man jobs for whatever reason. I am not all towie nails, I do bins, I don't need him.Angry for the pair of us.

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 00:33

I asked if he was threatening but thinking about it knocking on someone's door for half an hour several times a week is threatening.

If you don't want to have to approach him when he's sober settle for telling him when he's drunk and still call the police.

MidniteScribbler · 26/08/2015 00:33

This is a police matter. You are being harassed, feeling threatened and you need to take steps to stop it. That's what the police are there for.

Knocking at midnight is not on. Call the police, tell them there is someone banging on your door, you're home by yourself with children and scared. If he tries to cut your trees or do anything in your garden, call police, it's criminal damage as you have told him not to. If you walk outside and he tries to get in your way again, call the police, he is threatening you. Let them do their jobs.

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