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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ignore my neighbour?

64 replies

ilovemilton · 25/08/2015 23:58

I'm a single mum with two children under ten. Man aged in his fifties moved in across the street alone.

He knocks on my door everyday. At first I answered it to be polite but he was clearly drunk and had me standing there for an hour listening to his life story. Then again the night after, and after, and after....

I asked him to stop knocking as the children were in bed. Continues. I ignore. He stands there for half an hour plus knocking away.

Then he posts a note through saying he will be cutting my hedges tomorrow, leave the brown bin out. I hid the brown bin, as I had told him in many previous conversations I didn't want him too, but come back from work to find them cut. My DM had been to say thank you before I got home, and he said he would be over later "to settle up" ie for me to pay him!

I continue to ignore the knocking. Every night. For half an hour plus.

Last night I had to go out when he was knocking. I couldn't get past him to get to my car. He wanted to know why I had dug my trees out after he had cut them for me!! (Planned work for new driveway).

He was knocking on my door just now. Its nearly midnight. It's driving me mad. I don't know how to stop him!

OP posts:

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 26/08/2015 10:55

Good point Midnite.

Oliversmumsarmy · 26/08/2015 11:07

Think I would try flinging the door open and shouting at him to ask WTF he wants and if it is anything about doing stuff for you, ask him why TF he thinks you need help. Then tell him to go home and do not knock on your door move your bins or enter your garden again or you will call the police.

Definitely keep a log of when he knocks or does stuff. I hope you didn't pay him for trimming your hedges.

Hissy · 26/08/2015 14:27

please call the police for advice? I think they will suggest that when he knocks again, and does the half an hour thing, just call them and ask them to get him to go.

ptumbi · 26/08/2015 16:43

I'd do that too, Oliversmumsarmy - I'd throw the door open and scream at him! I'd have to psyche myself up for it though

RaspberryOverload · 26/08/2015 19:05

Absolutely this is a 101 matter. Doing all that stuff like hedge cutting and bin moving is him pissing over your boundaries and wishes. He's harrassing and bullying you, and I agree he'd not do it if there were a man on the scene.

Just make sure your DM is in the picture and asked not to interact with him, or it might make him feel like he's got "permission" to keep knocking, etc.

SawdustInMyHair · 26/08/2015 19:31

You should not have to hide from him until he goes away, it's unacceptable that his behaviour means you can't live in your house and street like anyone else.

Second what people have said above - stop humouring him, don't smile (we often smile when men are doing this sort of thing!), don't apologise, don't let him talk. I'd start opening the door, saying firmly "Stop knocking on my door, and please leave my property" and then closing the door. If it carries on after a few times that, then talk to the police.

I would have called the police before now but I share your worries that he'll turn nasty. But if you can talk to the police, and see what they say? It will also be important to have already contacted them if you later need them to act fast. It will establish a pattern of behaviour and a paper trail. Emphasise that you have children in the house, that he's refusing to leave, that it's repeated over x months, and that it's affecting when you can leave your house. Best of luck!

CalmYourselfTubbs · 26/08/2015 20:00

contact the police.

noiwontstoptalking · 26/08/2015 20:32

Tell him he is harassing you. Tell him he is scaring you. Then tell him to leave you alone or you will call the police.

Then call the police.

Every time.

You are not over reacting in any way.

amarmai · 26/08/2015 21:07

yanbu to ignore anyone cold kocking at your door. I would consider calling the police but not if i felt scared of him already. Maybe beef up you doors and windows locks and bolts.

Original poster

ilovemilton · 26/08/2015 21:22

Thank you! You have all made me feel normal!!

OP posts:

featherglass · 26/08/2015 22:29

Good OP. Let us know how you get on - you shouldn't have to live like this

MiscellaneousAssortment · 27/08/2015 00:45

Yup I'd also call the police for advice, then say no firmly or whatever is advised, and keep calling the police each time he tries to resume his behaviour.

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 27/08/2015 08:03

There was a guy like this who was a governor of a school I taught at years ago. He used to wander around the building after school hours, basically harassing the female teachers. You'd come back from somewhere and he'd be in the effing classroom, reading stuff, moving furniture, etc. And he was full of patronising 'advice'. Total twat. He got got rid of.

You shouldn't have to creep around your own home and street, or anywhere for that matter! Definitely call 101. In my experience community teams are fantastic and they will most likely send someone round within a day or so to talk to you at home and build up a proper picture.

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/08/2015 10:45

Ptumbi I don't need psyching up I have a really bad temper any way and look out anyone who pisses me off

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