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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DD(13) go to a horse show again for the whole day?

65 replies

androbbob · 25/08/2015 22:01

Dd is mad about horses. We let her go to a show 1.5 hrs away from home with her friends (13 & 14) as one of the parents was working nearby. They were there alone for 12 hours (regular text contact) and got home alot later than I had anticipated, but I realise I had little control over this as other parent was driver / in charge. He was not on site with them any of the time. They knew a couple of the riders and spent time with them and a couple of these girls were over 18 but I dont known them at all.

She has asked to go again tomorrow with same arrangement and I have said no as I explained why I was uncomfortable with the idea following monday. Now I am the world's worst parent. Both my DH and I are in work tomorrow whereas on Monday he was off and could have gone to their rescue if incident had occurred whereas if in work this is not so possible.

loojing for others viewpoint on this. Thanks

OP posts:
OurMiracle1106 · 25/08/2015 22:05

What is your main issue. Her being alone for long periods? Her mixing with older girls? The time she came home? It probably feels to her that she is being punished for not getting home earlier despite her having no control over what time the parent in charge bought her home. I was into horses myself at her age but fortunately my mum was with us on show days so it was ok (by with I mean somewhere around the stables, she would be on the yard but not necessarily glued to us)

ValancyJane · 25/08/2015 22:09

My view is there are far worse things your teen dd might want to do! What kind of incidents exactly are you imagining? I'd say let her go if she promises to stay in touch via text, like it sounds like she did last time.

Floralnomad · 25/08/2015 22:09

Your child ,your decision but I can think of lots of worse places that a 13 yr old could be hanging around all day . As you are at work tomorrow what will your dd be doing all day instead ?

BastardGoDarkly · 25/08/2015 22:12

That's a looong time, I'd be worried they'd get bored and find something more interesting to do.

I guess it depends how sensible they are?

WhatifIdid · 25/08/2015 22:12

If in doubt leave it out. That's my pathetic parenting motto Grin

rollercoasterchicken · 25/08/2015 22:12

Let her go.

scarlets · 25/08/2015 22:13

It sounds as if she's being punished. But for what?

WombatStewForTea · 25/08/2015 22:14

I run a similar show. Assuming it's in an enclosed space, she understands the strange issue and she is ok around horses i.e. isn't going to act irresponsibly and put herself in danger I can't see the harm. If you let her go out and about by herself in general then it is probably a relatively safe place to be.
At our place, we'd be putting her to use as a steward!

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/08/2015 22:16

none of what happened was her fault and she's effectively being punished for it.

I'm assuming she has a phone?

can't you just check bus/train times so she can get back herself?

SquinkiesRule · 25/08/2015 22:17

I don't think I'd be worried but she's not my kid so it's your rules.
My friends and I did similar at that age and younger. We'd leave the house at 6am, walk to farm, collect and clean up the ponies, and ride to shows all over the area, or go in a box if too far usually arranged by one of the older teen's parents. We'd have a bag of warm sandwiches and a bottle of squash and refill it from the hose for the horses.
Got home about 9 or 10 at night most of the time. Good wholesome fun, all the other adults and older teens looked out for us little kids, made sure us and the ponies were OK.

razmataz · 25/08/2015 22:23

What exactly do you think is going to happen? It's a horse show and she will be with friends.

It's a pretty wholesome way to spend time to be honest.

Heyho111 · 25/08/2015 22:23

It sounds like a good , appropriate day out. I'm not sure what the problem is. I'd encourage mine to go. Learning independence in a safe organised environment. She was welbehaved last time. No problem in my eyes.

MyrtleMoaning · 25/08/2015 22:24

Let her go. In fact, positively encourage it. Horses are an excellent distraction from the lures of growing up.

clary · 25/08/2015 22:29

Sounds OK to me too. I am not familiar with horse shows but if mt DD (14yo) wanted to spend the day at (say) a theatre event where there were similar aged friends of hers and adults, in what I assume is an enclosed environment, I'd be fine with it.

Agree with PP, what is she going to do otherwise? Spend the day at home on her own? What are you afraid will happen at the horse show?

Plomino · 25/08/2015 22:32

I was going to horseshows just with my mates from about 11 . The older teenagers looked out for us , as we did with the younger ones , when we were about 15 . Much better than hanging about a shopping centre .

lastqueenofscotland · 25/08/2015 22:32

I'd let her go but if it's something you are really not comfortable with, stress it's not her fault/not being punished and push the fact that your oh can't go and get her in an emergency, then maybe see if you can find ger something else to do instead?

I was/am horse mad and do see both points.

annoyedofnorwich · 25/08/2015 22:32

Oh let her go. Less likely to end up in trouble if she does that regularly - for the reasons outlined by other people!

Eve · 25/08/2015 22:34

What show? Very few horse shows on during week.

Junosmum · 25/08/2015 22:35

As a horsey teen myself back in the day I can't see anything wrong with it if she is sensible and with others. I can think of considerably worse things a 13 yo could be up to. There's also lots of evidence to suggest that teenagers in sports and active hobbies do better academically and are less likely to turn to antisocial behaviour, under age sex and substance misuse so I'd be encouraging it.

Lurkedforever1 · 25/08/2015 22:38

Unless you're worried about her behaving in a dangerous way round horses and causing an accident through being extremely silly, Yabu.

Gabilan · 25/08/2015 22:47

"The older teenagers looked out for us , as we did with the younger ones , when we were about 15"

Same here, only back in my day there were no mobile phones.

I think if you trust the other teenagers, there are far worse things she could be up to. Make sure she has a charged mobile with credit, impress on her to stay with the others.

laffymeal · 25/08/2015 22:47

Yabu. Let her go.

Gabilan · 25/08/2015 22:48

"Very few horse shows on during week"

Quite a few of the big national/ county level shows are on during the week. Tend to be more professional riders than amateurs at them.

Original poster
androbbob · 25/08/2015 23:00

Wow didn't expect so much response and I can seehow she could perceive it as being punished. I do encourage her to go out n about and be independent and she goes to the stables every weekend for the whole day. The other two girls are fairly sensible but its a big show so I expect busy with similar types of horse loving people but I guess its just the fact that it is 1.5 hrs away and no responsible adult around on site. I should volunteer her as a helper! She goes to local shows and events quite regularly and copes ok as for as I can see.

I will take note and be more accommodating next time - she says there is one in Oct they could go to.

She will be with her gran and younger brother, for part of day tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
androbbob · 25/08/2015 23:04

To add, its a big show called Scope and I wonder if the riders they have been hanging out with mind babysitting them when they are preparing for the classes. And yes I am aware there are far worse things they could be doing.....

OP posts:
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