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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let DD(13) go to a horse show again for the whole day?

65 replies

androbbob · 25/08/2015 22:01

Dd is mad about horses. We let her go to a show 1.5 hrs away from home with her friends (13 & 14) as one of the parents was working nearby. They were there alone for 12 hours (regular text contact) and got home alot later than I had anticipated, but I realise I had little control over this as other parent was driver / in charge. He was not on site with them any of the time. They knew a couple of the riders and spent time with them and a couple of these girls were over 18 but I dont known them at all.

She has asked to go again tomorrow with same arrangement and I have said no as I explained why I was uncomfortable with the idea following monday. Now I am the world's worst parent. Both my DH and I are in work tomorrow whereas on Monday he was off and could have gone to their rescue if incident had occurred whereas if in work this is not so possible.

loojing for others viewpoint on this. Thanks

OP posts:

threenotfour · 25/08/2015 23:08

I can completely understand your concerns but it seems like a very reasonable thing for her to be doing and I wish my DD 12 had an interest like that rather than sitting on her phone all day. I would encourage her interest as much as possible. I really would.

YWNBU but I would let her go.

Eve · 25/08/2015 23:08

Scope is big & professional. Probably spend most of the time watching others.

Very little anyone can get up to as lots of stewards & serious competitors.

goodasitgets · 25/08/2015 23:12

I had my own at 13 and regularly spent the whole day at the yard and shows. Scope v big, nice event to go to
She will probably be buying food from stands, gazing at horses and daydreaming of being offered a ride
Maybe have a look at her helping somewhere, I used to fence judge at hunter trials around that age - free entry and lunch provided!

CatchIt · 25/08/2015 23:24

I think you're being mean actually and would let my dad go were she 13 and with responsible friends.

I was horse mad as a kid still am as an adult and there are far worse ways for a pony mad child to spend the day. In my eyes, girls that are into horses are much safer as they'll have no money for drugs and no time for boys she'll probably spend the day gazing at beautiful horses, watching brilliant riders and dreaming of the day she's there when she's older

CatchIt · 25/08/2015 23:25

I mean I'd let my dd go, my dad is quite old enough to make his own decisions and doesn't really care for horses though quite likes mine and wonders when I'm going to do something interesting with him

BrendaFlange · 25/08/2015 23:32

What on earth is the problem? Presumably the friends parent is nearby again?

MidniteScribbler · 26/08/2015 01:00

When I was 13 and horse mad that would have been my dream day, but unfortunately my mother didn't think horses were a suitable pastime. If she's responsible, has a phone with her, then I would let her go. It seems a pretty wholesome way of spending a day.

At our place, we'd be putting her to use as a steward!

I would have exploded with happiness if someone had let me do that. OP, could you contact the organisers of the upcoming ones, or speak to one of the horse people they know and ask how they go about working at the events? I manage some dog events now and we always try and get some of the juniors involved in helping out. Not only is it good experience for them to see it from the side of the workers, but it keeps them out of mischief and they get an envelope at the end of the day with some cash for their work which is good pocket money (depending on the size of the event if can be the equivalent of about 25-40 pounds).

SideOrderofChips · 26/08/2015 01:04

If she came to our show then we would use her in collecting ring or as a runner!!

I dont see the harm as long as she is fine around horses.

BackforGood · 26/08/2015 01:10

Like most, I think you are being very mean.
I can't see why she couldn't go, if the others are happy for her to accompany them, and she is happy to be there all day.
I don't really see why you need to be constantly texting her all day wither, tbh.

(I too have a 13 yr old dd)

SoleBizzzz · 26/08/2015 01:22

Let her go!!

goodasitgets · 26/08/2015 01:50

On the downside my dad still refers to horses as a "passing phase" (of 26 years)
He also says they're a well designed machine that eats money then shits it out. I think there may be a little resent over the many, many early mornings and bribery to drive the horsebox

FindoGask · 26/08/2015 05:55

I loved a horse show at that age! I never liked competing myself (too nervy) but an older friend of mine did eventing and I loved going along with her then, and I wasn't much older than that when I would happily volunteer to spend all day fence judging on a cross country course or writing down dressage marks. If you love horses as a kid you'll never get bored at a horse show.

honeyroar · 26/08/2015 10:51

I was a horsey teenager. They really kept me busy and out of trouble.... It teaches responsibility and care amongst other things. Also there are always first aiders at these shows and lot so of people about, so they'd be quite safe. I'd encourage her having an interest.

Livvylovess · 26/08/2015 16:41

It Scope, I know it. Its at county show ground filled with many market stalls, coffee and food vans. lots of kids from little to large. My daughter goes with her friend on her own, same age as yours. Granted I live closer but its safe and good for her independence. Kinds volunteer to camp out and do the polls, set up courses and clear away. You have to trust her and allow her to grow up. Its not like she wants to hang around the skate park for 12 hours. She is a horsey kid not a kid hanging around town. embrace it and encourage it. Once she finds a boyfriend its all change.

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/08/2015 16:55

I'd let her going knowing which show it is. Much better than spending all day at a local show where accidents are more likely to happen.

BaldricksWife · 26/08/2015 17:42

Currently at a show (not Scope), full of tiny people, teenagers and adults having a grand time. Hopefully if your daughter continues it will give her happiness and some fantastic memories as it has us and our children x

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/08/2015 17:46

Let her go!

littlejohnnydory · 26/08/2015 18:42

Aww, let her go, OP, please? It would be so sad for her to be left out of a really lovely, safe day out that her friends will all be talking about when she has already done it once and proved she can behave responsibly. So sad to have to go and see her Gran instead!!

DawnOfTheDoggers · 26/08/2015 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butkin · 26/08/2015 20:24

Like Baldrick'swife we'll be at BSPS Summer Champs all week and our DD (12) is having a brilliant time. She spends most of her time with us but we're happy for her to go off with friends to wander around and check out the various rings and catch up on all the show gossip. It's a comparatively safe environment and she knows loads of people. The biggest danger she is likely to face is the chance she'll spend all her prize money on pick and mix! It's a great and positive way for children to spend their holidays.

Butkin · 26/08/2015 20:26

By the way most big shows are mid week during the summer (County Shows/Championship shows) and will be populated by loads of sensible stewards if they have any problems. Certainly BSPS also has a large security operation on site as well..

Original poster

androbbob · 26/08/2015 21:21

Thank you again for all the positive comments suggesting thst she should be allowed to go. No one else in the family or among friends is horsey so nothing to base my decision on. I am glad to hear that others think it is a good environment to be in - I have never been to a show apart from the odd event locally where there is a Blue Light Show event year and is 5 mins away.

In the end none of them went and they have picked another one in Cheshire (which is a but closer to home) and I will go with them for a while to see whatgoeson. She is also looking for other local shows where she could volunteer to help out.

it is definitely a hobby we are encouraging as it is good for her to get more independence rather than get upto mischief.

So I accept and hold up my hand that AIBU!!

OP posts:

UterusUterusGhali · 26/08/2015 22:35

Awwww good stuff.

I think it sounds a brilliant day out. :)

goodasitgets · 26/08/2015 23:01

OP I am fairly close to you and competed at the blue light show
Myerscough is nice if she is ever over that way

goodasitgets · 26/08/2015 23:03

P.s take her to horse of the year show or Olympia
Olympia is an amazing atmosphere and still good for none horsey people as you have loads of different stuff on
I actually went to horse of the year show alone, met some fab people who I went for lunch with and was entertained the whole way through
Just don't let her loose in the shopping area

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