To be a bit fed up that no one realises I'm pregnant?

[TheLightsWinning]

This is my first thread after lurking a while.

Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this? It's my first pregnancy and I'm very excited about it and love having a bump. Pre pregnancy I wasn't exactly a slim lady, but I've tried to eat healthily and have only gained about a stone, most of which is bump and amniotic fluid... (People who know me well say I look like I've lost weight from everywhere other than bump).

Now admittedly this is probably a very pathetic whinge, but even though I'm 35 weeks along, I keep having to point out I'm pregnant. For example at work was helping with interviews and fellow interviewer asked if I was a smoker, implying we could sneak out for a cig at some point. I explained I didn't smoke and pointed out I was pregnant anyway... This sort of thing happens loads, that's just a recent example.

To be clear, I don't expect to be treated like a special little snowflake or anything, but I feel like the reaction I get is "ohhhh! Pregnant! I thought you were just fat!". And I find it a bit upsetting.

AIBU? Or is it a hormonal blip? I fully expect to be told I'm being silly and over sensitive...

To be clear, I don't expect to be treated like a special little snowflake or anything,

Ah, you do a bit though, don't you

I would never comment on someones baby bump unless they mentioned it first. I think its rude.

People may well be noticing, but believe me, it's MUCH safer to not comment, than to comment.

You DO NOT want to be mentioning possible pregnancies to people who are not pregnant - they tend to find it very offensive, and it's just not worth the risk.

When I started my maternity leave (36 weeks pregnant), I called into my old school to see some former colleagues. When I explained that I was on maternity leave, one person said "Oh, where's your baby?". I had to explain that I was, in fact, still pregnant! My bump just didn't really show until the last few weeks as I was overweight anyway.

I also have a theory that you don't really look pregnant until your bump sticks out further than your boobs. As I have particularly large breasts, it took ages for me to look pregnant.

I don't expect to be treated like a special little snowflake or anything ... TBH, I think all pregnant ladies should be treated like special little snowflakes, not even kidding. It's one of the nicest things about being pregnant.

For me it was anyway, people's faces lighting up when they notice, strangers chatting about babies in the lift, always having something to talk about at work above and beyond the usual small talk, because people would ask "how's it all going?" and I'd be like "yeah its great, the morning sickness has gone now and we went pram shopping at the weekend" or "yeah, went to this hilarious antenatal class the other day where they had us all growning and pretending to be in labour!" People giving their seats up for you on the train (if you're lucky... this was fairly rare for me despite wearing a baby on board badge, some people are just twats). Friends getting all excited every time they see you, and wanting to touch your tummy.

Maybe wear tight bump-hugging maternity clothes to make it extra obvious? Or get some slogan t-shirts that say things like "baby under construction" and "baby on board" and "hands off the bump"? Its also about the way you carry yourself, don't forget to stand in a typical pregnant pose, one hand on hip, look down, smile, and rub bump with other hand in an affectionate way! Huff and puff a little bit when you have to do something slightly arduous.

If you weren't slim before people might just not be sure if you are pregnant or have put on some weight so they avoid bringing it up

congratulations little snowflake

I have the opposite problem. I look 35 weeks pregnant but I'm not. I wish people wouldn't comment...

Your colleagues are probably all MNetters

The general consensus seems to be that it's rude to assume a woman is pregnant unless you can see a head poking out.

Maybe get some "comedy" maternity t-shirts to hammer it home?

Order a baby on board badge from TFL

Congratulations btw

I daren't even mention someone's bump even if they're obviously heavily pregnant just incase, they could be in labour and I still wouldn't dare mention

Same with the gender of babies for some stupid reason! A baby could be head to toe in pink and flowers etc and I still feel uncomfortable saying "she's lovely"

I'm a pretty pregnancy size 8 and am all bump and hardly anyone notices with me either, even though it can't really be anything else - I'm 31 weeks. I carry small though. To be honest I prefer it as I don't like a fuss and when people say about strangers grabbing them and touching them I feel quite glad I'm small!

People generally won't mention pregnancy unless you mention it first, just in case.

Having been witness to an extremely uncomfortable conversation where one colleague congratulated another on her (non-existant) pregnancy at the start of the world's slowest lift journey, I completely understand why!

Just be thankful you haven't got random unwanted strangers touching your bump. There is a downside to people knowing you are pregnant.

I would never, ever ask, or imply I thought someone was pregnant.

My friend was told off for smoking whilst pregnant (she wasn't pregnant). I've very nearly congratulated someone with some sort of medical condition which makes their stomach expand, so I'm very wary about assuming anything.

Bless you OP, I remember feeling the same during my first pregnancy. A very special thing is happening to you and of course you want people to notice.

However on holiday last week somebody assumed I was pregnant. I'm not, and my youngest child is 8! It's not a nice feeling, I felt humiliated.

It's because of bad shaped people like me that most people don't risk commenting to people like you.

That reminds me, I've got a badly fitting sun dress to dispose of.

It's usually cos if people don't know then even if you look pregnant they don't want to offend incase you're just fat or post birth. I did look obviously pregnant by about 16weeks, stick thin with a solid if average size bump. Yet when I told people I still got many comments about 'I thought so but wasn't sure if you were just getting a bit of a tum and didn't like to say'

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I have read countless threads on MN from irate posters who are struggling to lose weight off their stomachs, where other people have assumed they were pregnant. I expect anyone who doesn't know you is afraid of offending you because they don't know whether it is a baby bump or a too many pies bump.

I think it also depends on your build and how you carry your pregnancy. My next door neighbour was pleasantly plump before she got pregnant, but didn't look pregnant until she was about 8 months because she had put weight on everywhere.

Yeah I am a petite size 8-10 and get a visible bump when I eat a big lunch (food baby!), or leaning forwards when sitting down wearing tight jeans. My dad has asked on several occasions if I'm pregnant, which I laugh off but secretly I find it really annoying.

Also, one time pre pregnancy, DH and I were looking round some 3-bedroom new build houses as we knew we were planning a family in the future, we went back to the sales office to discuss and the sales woman pointed at my belly and asked if I'm already expecting! I wasn't too impressed. I've also had a male colleague poking my belly and saying "look at that belly!". Ugh, people are annoying.

Haha! I suppose I do a bit! Interesting how many people are saying they wouldn't comment though, and actually making me feel a bit better!

Mamushka! What a lovely reply! I agree it's amazing how many people ignore you on the tube even with a badge and a blatant bump. But most people do tend to fall asleep/read or play on their phones instead of taking notice of the world! But I do think it's all the nice chatter about babies you mention that I feel I'm missing out on a bit... You've hit the nail on the head there!

I do agree with pp that figure fitting clothes are the way to go...

And also I simply never realised so many people don't mention it for fear of causing offended but it does make sense!

Do feel a bit better now... Thank you everyone!

I would never comment, I had many late miscarriages and a stillbirth (only one living child and now unable to have more due to cancer), and it feels like a knife in the heart when you still look pregnant but know that your baby is dead.

It ripped open my soul to hear comments on my bumps, and that's not an exaggeration, I know most people who say things are well meaning but it makes a difficult time much worse, especially when you're desperately trying to hold things together and go about what business you have to.
Congratulations, but please don't feel that anyone who doesn't mention it means anything by it

I carried transverse for both of my pregnancies so hardly looked pregnant at all until they turned at about 36 weeks then all of a sudden I had a bump which surprised everyone.
Not 1 child or patent at the school knew I was pregnant until it was announced in assembly and in the news letter that day that I was leaving to go on maternity.

Sorry meant to add I was a teacher!

Eeep! Just saw your second post mamushka! That is very rude of them!

NoArmani I think I'm one of the weird ones that doesn't really mind unless it's a stranger but that hasn't happened! I love when family/friends show interest and try to feel kicks though...

Littlefish - good theory! I have developed redonculous boobs. They were a 34h pre pregnancy... I got married when I was 6 months ish and frankly they looked comical in some of the pictures...

Bunbaker thank you!

Themotherofhellbeasts so sorry to hear about that. Apologies if I caused upset or came across as insensitive.