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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit fed up that no one realises I'm pregnant?

67 replies

TheLightsWinning · 25/08/2015 21:33

This is my first thread after lurking a while.

Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this? It's my first pregnancy and I'm very excited about it and love having a bump. Pre pregnancy I wasn't exactly a slim lady, but I've tried to eat healthily and have only gained about a stone, most of which is bump and amniotic fluid... (People who know me well say I look like I've lost weight from everywhere other than bump).

Now admittedly this is probably a very pathetic whinge, but even though I'm 35 weeks along, I keep having to point out I'm pregnant. For example at work was helping with interviews and fellow interviewer asked if I was a smoker, implying we could sneak out for a cig at some point. I explained I didn't smoke and pointed out I was pregnant anyway... This sort of thing happens loads, that's just a recent example.

To be clear, I don't expect to be treated like a special little snowflake or anything, but I feel like the reaction I get is "ohhhh! Pregnant! I thought you were just fat!". And I find it a bit upsetting.

AIBU? Or is it a hormonal blip? I fully expect to be told I'm being silly and over sensitive...

OP posts:
notaprincessbutaqueen · 25/08/2015 22:39

i'm 24 weeks gone with a bump and not one person has asked. I'm pretty sure many people at work suspect it but are to polite to ask incase i have just got fat. so don't take it personally

Original poster
TheLightsWinning · 25/08/2015 22:42

Notaprincess - you're far more mature and sensible than me! Wink
Congratulations on your little one Flowers

OP posts:
TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 25/08/2015 22:42

TheLightsWinning thank you, but you didn't at all, I was just trying to offer some reasons why it can be good (for some of us) that people don't ask. Apologies if I was blunt, today would have been my eldest son's birthday so everything is a bit more raw than usual.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 25/08/2015 22:43

I was still working until 39 weeks with DS and people still seemed not to realise I was pregnant!

Original poster
TheLightsWinning · 25/08/2015 22:47

Buttercup27. Actually I didn't show til I was at least 5 months... I do have a bump that gets bigger at night though... Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLightsWinning · 25/08/2015 22:49

TheMotherofHellbeasts- not blunt at all, and this must be a really difficult time, so thank you for being nice enough to reply to my silly first post. Xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLightsWinning · 25/08/2015 22:51

Haydee - I think now that I've read all the replies it's just that people are terrified to put their foot in it as it were...

OP posts:
LemonRedwood · 25/08/2015 22:51

I've experienced the reverse! Once had someone ask when I was due and I had to explain I wasn't pregnant and perhaps I would never wear that particular top again. At least they had the decency to look mortified and I gained a funny story to tell at work.

Then one day a colleague asked, "Is that the top you were wearing when someone asked if you were pregnant?"

That was 2 tops to Oxfam then.

I think I prefer it your way round! Smile

Original poster
TheLightsWinning · 25/08/2015 22:58

LemonRedwood - oh gawd! This is def why people don't mention it! I'm surprised it didn't happen to me before I lost weight pre-conception...

OP posts:
notaprincessbutaqueen · 25/08/2015 22:58

TheLightsWinning thank you and congratulations on your pregnancy. I don't think I'm any more mature - just i'm on my 4th baby and whereas you will no doubt get the huge congratulations, we get the 'don't you guys have a tv' comments. Hmm

Original poster
TheLightsWinning · 25/08/2015 23:05

NotAPrincess - ugh! I bet that gets right on your last nerve! Me and DH would love a big family! I think you're lucky and they're all just jealous!

OP posts:
elfycat · 25/08/2015 23:12

I carry high up under my ribs (owwwww... and thanks for the hiatus hernia DD1 and 2) and just thickened rather than had any kind of bump. I'm overweight anyway so I think I just looked overweight apple-shape, rather than my normal overweight pear-shape.

The first stranger to assume I was pregnant, and then apologise for the assumption and check, was when I was 35+3. I had DD1 5 days later.

Original poster
TheLightsWinning · 25/08/2015 23:17

Elf tact I have a foot permanently in my rib at the moment! Congrats on little one! Xx

OP posts:
Beth2511 · 25/08/2015 23:44

I brought the baby home and genuinely got adked by a neighbour where i got her from. Had the most tiny bump. Most woman love showing their bump off.

SniffsAndSneezes · 26/08/2015 00:11

I have the inverse issue- I'm usually a nice trim size 8 but thanks to IBS, if I eat the wrong thing my stomach swells up to such a size that I easily pass for 6 months gone- I'm frequently offered seats on the tube! I used to be embarrassed by it but now I just smile, say thanks and sit down Wink

MidniteScribbler · 26/08/2015 00:41

I didn't show at all when pregnant, and even when I posted on Facebook the day after DS was born, I had people asking me if I'd adopted because they had no idea I was pregnant.

As for chatting about babies, nothing could bore me more than having that sort of conversation with an acquaintance or stranger. I don't want to hear about your morning sickness, sore back, pram shopping, cloth vs disposable. I'll let a close friend go on about it (as long as she'll talk about other things as well!) because I hate when women get pregnant and suddenly their entire life becomes about that and they seem incapable of any of topic of conversation.

UterusUterusGhali · 26/08/2015 00:45

I was 36 weeks pregnant at work when a consultant obstetrician Ffs overheard a convo I was having and pipped up "oh, you're pregnant?". I wasn't fat then either. Hmm

Now, three kids and IBD later, I get the opposite; people ask me if I'm expecting and it's frankly mortifying for everyone involved. Grin

Hairballs · 26/08/2015 07:05

What midnitescribbler said. I'm 18 weeks pregnant with a very visible bump (thanks 10lb 4oz DD), people notice and talking about it bores the arse off me.

I'm actually considering getting little business cards made up with the following information:

  • I'm due in January
  • No I don't know if it's a boy or a girl
  • No we won't be finding out
  • Yes we are very excited
  • Yes I have a huge bump
  • NO IT'S FUCKING WELL NOT TWINS

OP, just enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry about who notices or not. Chances are many people do, they just don't want to talk about it or aren't sure how to broach it. And if you aren't a slim lady, chances are they are just erring on the side of caution. As with many pp's, I've been mistaken for being pregnant when not and it's heartbreaking. Much more so than when it happens the other way around. Congratulations and I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy.

SickInBedOnTwoChairs · 26/08/2015 07:15

Having 'mis-spoke' once, I would never refer to a pregnancy unless I could actually see a crowning head! It's so awkward for both sides!

AuntyMag10 · 26/08/2015 07:27

Maybe they are all mn and follow the 'no commenting' ruleGrin
Yanbu to feel a little hurt but maybe they really haven't noticed.

Spartans · 26/08/2015 08:17

I had huge bumps. Not many people commented though. As pps say they are terrified of being wrong.

I did once get asked how far I was along by a customer in front of a group of his friends. When I said 'I am not' he just kept saying 'your kidding....you are trying to embarrass me!' I kept saying I am not and one of the women ended up saying to him 'the only person embarrassing you....is you!'

He looked horrified, I was very upset (I had had ds 4 months previously, and still recovering from pnd) he did apologise. But I was upset for days.

Because of this I never ever mention someone's bump before they do. I don't want to make people feel like I did.

Trills · 26/08/2015 08:34

"Is that the top you were wearing when someone asked if you were pregnant?"

Grin Blush

monkeysox · 26/08/2015 08:58

34 weeks pregnant with my second just before the summer holidays. Student "oh miss why want we have you next year" I had to point at my bump and explained "I'll be a bit busy in September! "

Reubs15 · 26/08/2015 09:21

I would never assume someone was pregnant just in case!

blueshoes · 26/08/2015 09:35

If you announced your pregnancy previously, such as to your colleagues and no one even asked about your pregnancy, I think that is a little rude.

But expecting strangers to make a fuss of your pregnancy when it is not entirely obvious whether it is a bump or bloat or fat is expecting quite a lot. I would not want to get it wrong (in case you were not pregnant) and if you were, I would assume you would have told everyone loads about when you are due etc and probably sick of making small talk about it. As far as a stranger's pregnancy is concerned, I am not too bothered and prefer not to make small talk. Most people ignore pregnant women on the train.

My cleaner did not look pregnant at all even at 9 months. She was quite wide and carried transverse.

I am afraid you will have to share your excitement with your family and friends instead.