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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to host Christmas

76 replies

Junosmum · 22/08/2015 21:46

Background: We married last year (December) and at the insistence of OHs family spent it together, though we were both happy spending it separately with our families. It was OHs grans last Christmas as she had a terminal disease and passed away earlier this year. I was going to spend it my family, OH was to spend it with his. We ended up spending half a day at each, which involved a 3 hour drive in between. Neither of us were happy but OH didn't want his parents moaning at him and really wanted to spend it with his grandmother. We've been together 10 years and spent Christmas's both together and apart, which ever suited us best in a particular year, neither family has ever pressured us until last year. And to be honest I was annoyed and upset. I wanted OH to spend his last Christmas with his grandmother and I wanted to spend it with my family, and go down to his in the evening after lunch with my family. Oh well, past is past.

So role forward to this Christmas coming. OH asked, last Christmas, if we would host his family this year, which I said yes to depending on circumstances. I usually enjoy hosting and cooking large meals, the thought doesn't worry me and I've hosted big events in the past.

This Christmas coming I will be 37 weeks pregnant. OH can, and will cook a Christmas dinner however he will not clean up. Or at least not well. He will also not shop for it or do the house work or prepare the spare rooms. At least not to my standard or with any plan/ regard for time/ shops being empty of essentials. He's great, he does loads round the house but planning and preparation is not his forte. Neither is cleaning. And I like a clean house. I also want to keep the house organised for baby's imminent arrival and quite frankly I'm going to be flippin knackered without having to play hostess with mostess. His family will offer to help but the apple did not fall far from the tree shall we say.

AIBU to just want to go home to my family and relax? I figure next year with a new baby everyone will want to see it at Christmas and we may well end up hosting again, which I'm very up for. I just don't feel I need the stress this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Junosmum · 22/08/2015 21:47

Sorry, at the insistence of OHs family spent Christmas together, not the wedding day!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/08/2015 21:49

At 37 weeks the baby may have already turned up so YANBU!!!

Pigeonpost · 22/08/2015 21:50

YANBU. At all!

bringthenoise · 22/08/2015 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 22/08/2015 21:51

Your desires trump everyone else's given that you will be so heavily pregnant. If you want anything, you get it. Chocolate oranges, After Eights, anything. Your wish is everyone else's command.

That is the law.

glenthebattleostrich · 22/08/2015 21:52

No way would I be hosting a tea party at 37 weeks let alone Christmas! And remind them its your parents turn to have Christmas with you as last year you were with them.

microferret · 22/08/2015 21:54

YANBU. You had me at 37 weeks pregnant. When you're about to give birth, you need as little stress in your life as possible. Put your foot down this time, but soften it by promising that you'll happily do it next year.

itsnotjustyou · 22/08/2015 21:55

The only benefit I can see as that your DPs will get your baby's first Christmas next year. Wink
TBH you might be really tired & not in the mood for socialising at 37 weeks. You certainly won't feel like running a B&B for a few days.
It would be a no from me.

Kryten2X4B523P · 22/08/2015 21:58

I guessed you were pregnant when I read the bit about circumstances permitting, but I wasn't expecting that you would be full term!

I would not be doing any cooking at 37 weeks at Christmas.

And what Blether said. I'm going to add a to make it proper.

Canyouforgiveher · 22/08/2015 21:59

no way should you be hosting christmas at 37 weeks pregnant with your first child. I remember the Thanksgiving when I was 37 weeks pregnant with my first. DH was working and I was too far gone to travel to spend the day with anyone. I slept on the sofa for the day - the idea of cooking a big dinner or having one cooked in my house while I watched would have been awful. And having overnight guests!!

Plus the baby may have already arrived.

Spend xmas with your parents.

BeautifulBatman · 22/08/2015 22:01

Yanbu. Fuck that!

Original poster
Junosmum · 22/08/2015 22:04

Thank you MNers. OH was making me feel like I was being really unreasonable.

OP posts:
Crumbelina · 22/08/2015 22:05

Beautiful took the words right out of my mouth - fuck that! I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and couldn't imagine hosting now - let alone in 6 weeks.

You are so, so NBU!

scarlets · 22/08/2015 22:09

You might go into labour on Christmas Day! I think that it would be unwise to host Christmas this year. Next year, with a 12m old, it'll be fun. This year, a quiet Christmas is in order.

lorelei9 · 22/08/2015 22:12

you are not even in the same room as unreasonable!

I really don't get how he can not see this. The baby might here by Xmas as well...

CrapBag · 22/08/2015 22:14

YANBU. You will be far too pregnant to do something so stressful. Tough shit if your DH doesn't like it. Why is it his parents again though seeing as you had to spend last year with them? Is this going to turn into an issue every year?

happymummyone · 22/08/2015 22:15

Oh noooo! Don't do it, you'll be exhausted, you'll be stressed. Your DP needs to tell them no. Someone should be looking after you, not the other way around. This is one of the least unreasonable AIBUs I've ever read.

MisForMumNotMaid · 22/08/2015 22:17

I did Christmas a three/ four day stop over for 15 at 36 weeks.

I planned and did lots of prep in advance, DH helped out.

I spent the last three weeks of my pregnancy exhausted. I strained my back slightly and it didn't get better till after DD was born.

I wouldn't do it again. Its not worth it.

What about moving it to a very unbritish Thanksgiving get together meal, all bring a dish, it'd buy you a month?

BeautifulBatman · 22/08/2015 22:19

Crumbelina 32 weeks here. I wouldn't have done it past 20 tbh, let alone at full term! Seriously OP, go to your dps for Xmas and put your feet up.

Couldashouldawoulda · 22/08/2015 22:19

Of course you can't host Christmas at 37 weeks pregnant - what a ridiculous suggestion! No, no, no. You need to make your own life as easy as possible at that stage. Try not to travel far either, otherwise you could easily end up giving birth in a strange hospital.

HungryHorace · 22/08/2015 22:23

I was admitted to hospital at 37 weeks with DS and stayed in until he was born. Even if I'd been at home I woukdbt have been hosting anything, let alone Christmas.

With DD at 37 weeks I was mahoosive and everything small movement hurt. Again, I wouldn't have been hosting anything.

So YADNBU. Your DH needs to reconsider his plans for you!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 22/08/2015 22:24

Sorry the pure hell that is bed making ...... tell them no, unless they book a hotel and xmas dinner at a resturant.

Glitteryarse · 22/08/2015 22:26

Tell them to feck off!

WanderingLily · 22/08/2015 22:28

Absolutely NOT unreasonable! Just tell OH you don't think you'll be up to it and that for all you know, the baby could already be born; and in order to avoid disappointing folks much nearer the time, it would be best to call it off this year.

Really, anyone who would argue with that deserves to be stuffed up a turkey.

DoreenLethal · 22/08/2015 22:30

'You can host it darling, i shall be at Helmsdale' (or wherever your family are). 'Make sure all is tidied up and back to normal before i go into labour though. Ta.'

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