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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To let DD keep her dummy for now?

103 replies

CrohnicallyAspie · 22/08/2015 21:06

She's nearly 3, and has a dummy for night time only. The dentist has pointed out that it is affecting her teeth and recommended that I take it away ASAP.

The problem is, even with the dummy she's a bit of a crap sleeper, I dread to think what will happen when I take it away. She's not too bad at going to sleep (though the past couple of weeks we've had tears at bedtime) but she wakes several times in the night and relies on the dummy to get back off, if she can't find it then she wakes us up. She also usually wants to come in our bed if she wakes in the night, so then we have tears.

I can't realistically have her in my bed long term- I need my alone time in the evenings (I'm autistic) and with my other health problems I need as much sleep as I can get, so I can't face potential teary battles in the night trying to get her back to sleep without it and without her coming into my bed.

I've dropped hints about the 'dummy fairy' but she says she would rather keep her dummy. I even tried switching her dummy for a different shape, figuring she wouldn't get the same comfort and would abandon it herself, but apart from calling it a silly dummy she wasn't bothered!

So WIBU to say I can't face taking it off her now, and wait till she decides she's ready (and meanwhile keep dropping the hints about the dummy fairy?) I mean, she won't still want it when she's a teenager, will she? ignores fact that I sucked my thumb until I was far older than that thankfully it didn't affect my teeth

OP posts:
CrohnicallyAspie · 24/08/2015 06:59

Yep, I'm usually at work for 8am (having dropped DD off at nursery on the way) so an 8am wake up really wouldn't work for me!

OP posts:
00100001 · 24/08/2015 07:03

disappinted If we got up at 8am, we would not be at work/school on time :)

DisappointedOne · 24/08/2015 08:34

That's exactly my point. We don't all aspire to the same things. 7pm-6:30am would be a really bad routine for us!

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/08/2015 08:41

Go miniaspie

fab news well done both of you Smile

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 24/08/2015 08:56

My dd was a total dummy monster.

After about a year, they were restricted to nap and bed times.

After another 6 months, she was just biting them. So I binned them. Explained hat she had broken them. They were all gone.

She understood. 2 nights of asking, then never mentioned. Until the first day at nursery where she found a random one on the floor..

Friend of ds still had one over night at 6. Hope he has ditched it now as he must be 11!

If you do Christmas, you could start on the Santa theme now. Start pointing out the Xmas displays in shops. Start saying Santa needs dummies for new babies. By December, she might be used to the idea? And Santa always swaps a dummy for the biggest, pinkest fluffiest cuddly animal instead!

As a sideways extra...

My dd has always cuddled an old tshirt of mine. Worn. So it smells of me. Maybe something similar would calm your dd?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 24/08/2015 08:58

Well done, how do you feel this morning?

Lurkedforever1 · 24/08/2015 09:06

Well done op and your dd Smile

CrohnicallyAspie · 24/08/2015 09:53

I'm thrilled to bits with her, can't believe it was so easy. At least if she wavers over the next couple of days, we both know she can do it.

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CruCru · 24/08/2015 10:37

Ah well done OP!

Lurkedforever1 · 24/08/2015 11:44

Dd had a waver at about 2am the second night when she'd have previously stuck her dummy in subconsciously, but only lasted 10 minutes and she went happily back off. Just spend today talking about what a big girl she is, and all the big girl stuff she can do cos she's not a baby, rather than just the dummy being the baby thing. And if you can try and find some 'big girl' things she can do in the next few days, like helping you cook something 'difficult' that needs a big sensible girl not a baby or something else equally harmless and appropriate.

hibbleddible · 24/08/2015 11:48

Having a dummy at 3 is rather ridiculous tbh, and creating a rod for your own back.

I'm glad to see you have finally taken it away.

Ridingthegravytrain · 24/08/2015 12:00

Yabu. A dentist has told you it is affecting her teeth. And that won't be just her milk teeth, it will affect her adult teeth too as it changes the position of the jaw

You need to get rid ASAP

CrohnicallyAspie · 24/08/2015 12:00

I have been talking to her about doing big kid things, like the present the dummy fairy brought her was a big kid's toy that babies couldn't play with.

hibble She's not 3 yet. I said she's nearly 3, because if I had said she's 2 people would be asking if she was just turned 2 or nearly 3.

OP posts:
CrohnicallyAspie · 24/08/2015 12:00

riding RFTF why don't you?

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Gileswithachainsaw · 24/08/2015 12:01

She took it away last night people Confused

she also explained why she was so reluctant so no need to pile in still.

All is good and mini aspie did really well!!

Gymbunny1204 · 24/08/2015 12:14

Don't give a child a dummy with a cut in it. Stupid advice.

hibbleddible · 24/08/2015 12:54

Op I apologise I misread the age but equally nearly 3 is far too old to have a dummy. I took mine away away before 1, and I believe it is easiest when they are too young to notice.

Equoing gymbunny never give a child a dummy which isn't intact!!! This is a choking hazard.

00100001 · 24/08/2015 13:32

hibble

She took the dummy away.... have you not read the thread? Confused

Lurkedforever1 · 24/08/2015 13:41

hibble my dd only had one for sleep and earlier on for teething and more rarely if she was unwell. She gave it up on her 3rd bday, similar to ops dd. Dentist, gp, hv etc never hinted it was an issue. Nor did 99% of parents I knew think it was. Ops dd was using it for sleep, not 24 hrs a day. You might think 1 is the best age, I don't, too young to follow the explanation but old enough for habit. Because it was right for your dc doesn't mean it's the same for all. My dd gave up bottles by 7mnths happily for various reasons, doesn't mean every other baby should.

DisappointedOne · 24/08/2015 14:11

Just wondering, dear experts, should I be cutting my almost 5 year old's thumb off with a kitchen knife or would gardening shears be better?

CrohnicallyAspie · 24/08/2015 14:21

I tried taking her dummy away before she was 1... Result was a child who couldn't nap, and I mean couldn't. I rocked and shushed and what have you and she just screamed. If I got her to sleep in the pram or car she woke as soon as you stopped. After a day of her not sleeping (at all) I gave it back for the night!

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Lurkedforever1 · 24/08/2015 14:34

disappointed well duh, if you'd not left it till so late you could have got away with decent scissors, infact done at birth nail scissors would have done it. You've made a rod for your own back leaving it till practically middle aged Grin

hibbleddible · 24/08/2015 14:43

001 if you had seen my previous post it would have been very obvious that I had RTFT. Wink

Have you read RTFT?

op persevering a little at one would normally work. I think a lot of people don't take the dummies away till very late because they aren't willing to put up with the short term difficulty.

It's all very well some people saying it works to keep it till children are nearly in school, but it is terrible for their teeth.

CrohnicallyAspie · 24/08/2015 14:52

Normally work, yes. After spending most of the day with both of us in tears- her from exhaustion and me from sensory overload- I couldn't persevere any more.

OP posts:
CrohnicallyAspie · 25/08/2015 15:02

Night 2: tears just after bedtime again, whimpering at 3am but fell back to sleep once I went in, then up at 4:15 crying, in the end DH had to go in and sort her out. Fell back to sleep 5:00 ish until 7:00. So overall not too bad.

And it coincided with a visit to the next room at nursery today, so now she's thrilled at being such a big girl!

OP posts: