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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let DD keep her dummy for now?

103 replies

CrohnicallyAspie · 22/08/2015 21:06

She's nearly 3, and has a dummy for night time only. The dentist has pointed out that it is affecting her teeth and recommended that I take it away ASAP.

The problem is, even with the dummy she's a bit of a crap sleeper, I dread to think what will happen when I take it away. She's not too bad at going to sleep (though the past couple of weeks we've had tears at bedtime) but she wakes several times in the night and relies on the dummy to get back off, if she can't find it then she wakes us up. She also usually wants to come in our bed if she wakes in the night, so then we have tears.

I can't realistically have her in my bed long term- I need my alone time in the evenings (I'm autistic) and with my other health problems I need as much sleep as I can get, so I can't face potential teary battles in the night trying to get her back to sleep without it and without her coming into my bed.

I've dropped hints about the 'dummy fairy' but she says she would rather keep her dummy. I even tried switching her dummy for a different shape, figuring she wouldn't get the same comfort and would abandon it herself, but apart from calling it a silly dummy she wasn't bothered!

So WIBU to say I can't face taking it off her now, and wait till she decides she's ready (and meanwhile keep dropping the hints about the dummy fairy?) I mean, she won't still want it when she's a teenager, will she? ignores fact that I sucked my thumb until I was far older than that thankfully it didn't affect my teeth

OP posts:

chancer2014 · 22/08/2015 22:02

A great number of kids end up wearing braces at 14. Having been there, done that, etc - if I was you, I'd do whatever your gut tells you. It's likely she'll have braces anyway unless she's got extremely straight teeth. Most of my dd's friends have. No-one bats an eyelid. Lots of kids have them. I'm telling you this cause I've come out the other side. If you and your child are happy, leave it as it is . Sort it another time if needs be.

Littlef00t · 22/08/2015 22:10

3 day nanny was on last week and the children had dummies. They removed them with expected protestations but 2 days after they were sleeping fine. bad teeth could lead to so many problems in the future, please don't ignore medical advice.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/08/2015 22:16

Ynbu. If she is not ready to come off the dummy. It will just be upset for her, and stress and sleepless nights for you, and yes it's not ideal but when you have little ones and especially if you work, you will give them anything as long as it helps them sleep. Like I said . Not ideal, but unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world.
My DD had her bottle until she was almost 8. No lasting damage.
I just told her on Chrustmas even that Rudolph's friend had had a baby reindeer and he d had been crying because he wanted a bottle of milk, so DD said. He can have my bottle because I'm a big girl and don't need it now, so she left it out for Father Christmas and The reindeers to take.

Thymeout · 22/08/2015 22:30

I saw the Channel 4 programme, too, with 2 yr old twins who had dummies and were waking up throughout the night. Parents on their knees with sleep deprivation.

The 3 day nanny, in the 3 days she was there, introduced a dummy tree which they hung their dummies on. In the morning, there were little presents hanging there instead. The first night was v tearful at bedtime, but one of them slept straight through and the other only woke once and settled herself eventually.

The nanny said the dummies were stopping them sleeping as they hadn't learned to self-settle.

Don't rely on it all being sorted by orthodontics. The NHS is being v strict about who qualifies and dentists aren't allowed to do it early, like private orthodontists, so it's a much more drastic procedure with extractions etc. Private orthodontists charge ££££.

00100001 · 22/08/2015 22:34

Just go cold Turkey. It will be a few nights of adjustment, but she'll be fine. If you're not going to do it now... When?

DisappointedOne · 22/08/2015 23:29

This thread makes me sad.

DD is very nearly 5 and has been a thumb sucker since before birth. It did slightly affect her teeth when they came through, but the dentist has been seeing her since 6m and has never had too much of an issue with it. It's definitely tailed off in the last year without us needing to resort to painting her nails or anything else and she now only sucks her thumb when she's tired or going to sleep. At last dental check up the dentist said her teeth appeared to have straightened a bit and he's even less bothered about it now.

(She started full time school last year and her teacher said its really common to have 3 and 4 year olds sucking thumbs or sneaking out to the cloakroom for a sick of a dummy during the day.)

CruCru · 22/08/2015 23:33

I was in your position a couple of months ago. DS was horrified but I got him to put all his dummies in a big envelope, we wrote "To the dummy fairy" on the front and went to the post office and handed it over (I also had something to post). Then we went to a toy shop and bought a big present.

He was upset (on and off) for about a week but in a way it is so much easier to say it's because of the dentist than to take it away at an arbitrary future point.

CruCru · 22/08/2015 23:35

Our dentist said he could see that DS had a dummy without asking (from the wider gaps between his top and bottom front teeth) and said it would affect the formation of his jaw as well as his teeth. Gave me a fright to be honest.

DisappointedOne · 22/08/2015 23:37

Our dentist thinks DD will always have gaps in her front teeth due to the tie between him and gum meeting between the teeth. In our family that's considered lucky.

DisappointedOne · 22/08/2015 23:38

(Hate the "fairy" idea regardless of the fact that DD can't exactly give her thumb away!)

SalemSaberhagen · 22/08/2015 23:42

Almost 8, ilive?

MrsSchadenfreude · 22/08/2015 23:48

I used to babysit an 8 year old who used to have a bottle before bedtime. Filled with SMA. I was like this all at once. He was absolutely enormous - his Mum told me he always had a big bottle of SMA in the morning, one when he got home from school and one at bedtime. It must be pretty calorific, baby milk.

Missdee2014 · 22/08/2015 23:58

Bottles at 8

I do think you should attempt to get her off it if dentist has commented. Cold turkey is tough but she will be fine after a few days and you will probably find she sleeps better and learns to self settle without it.

CaptainSwan · 23/08/2015 00:32

I'd get rid tbh, I really don't know why you'd go against medical advice on this. Cold turkey for three nights and you'll be sorted.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 23/08/2015 01:09

Id get rid of it, I'd just do it, I'd accept I'd have added bad nights and I'd let her get on with it. She's 3 she ll get stroppy but if she sees you're determined she accept it

travertine · 23/08/2015 01:22

Please get rid, a few hard nights is easier for your child now than the pain and general anaesthetic and numerous orthodontic visits that my daughter went through with teeth extractions and fixed braces. I didn't know any better at the time, but you do. Is for the best.

travertine · 23/08/2015 01:28

Sorry, my post was from the teeth point of view. I know it's not as easy in other areas. Good luck with whatever you do

TheNewStatesman · 23/08/2015 09:33

"I'm just not sure how training can actually teach someone how to sleep, in my mind it's something you just know how to do or mature into it or something."

Sleep training does not "work" for every last children, but it hugely improves sleep for the great majority. Don't want to sound harsh, but if you are generally taking the approach that "Well, there's nothing I can do about my child's sleep issues" then that may partly explain why her sleep problems have gone on so long!

If the dentist says no dummy then you need to get rid of the dummy right away. I am not completely au fait with how dentistry costs work in the UK, but don't assume that you can get all the orthodontic work you like for free. It can be very expensive, and kids can be cruel.

How sleep training works:

Human beings naturally sleep in "cycles," each of which lasts for...I think an hour or so. A person (of any age) who "sleeps through the night" is in fact waking briefly multiple times a night (between sleep cycles), but because these stirrings are very brief, we don't notice or remember them the next day.

If your kid wakes you up several times a night requiring the reinsertion of a dummy, then what this means is that each time she stirs after one of these natural sleep cycles, she is unable to get herself back to sleep and requires your presence and the dummy. What sleep training will do is it will teach her to associate sleep with lying in a bed without a dummy, so that whenever she stirs she will just get herself back to sleep without waking you.

WhatWas · 23/08/2015 10:05

There will be a million stories of kids who's teeth were fine even though they sucked their thumbs or had a dummy but it's not worth the risk. Two of mine needed braces, one because she knocked her front baby teeth out and one because he naturally had misaligned teeth. Braces are a pain both figuratively and literally. If you think they are easy to get on the NHS then you are mistaken.
Only one of my DC used a dummy and We just went cold turkey one night. It wasn't an issue. I didn't do any stories or presents but was there for hugs.

I couldn't get another of mine to stop sucking their thumb and it looked a bit [confusd] as he was very tall. One day The dentist told him he had to stop and gave him a ring to wear on his thumb to remind him. It only took him a few days to completely stop. I'm not sure about the choking issue of the ring though.

Reubs15 · 23/08/2015 10:17

You've just got to battle through a few nights. It's for her own good in the end. Tie the dummies to a tree for the dummy fairy and get her to say goodbye to them. Wrap up a present to give to her in the morning from the fairy.
Yes she'll cry for a few nights but she'll get through it in no time!

starlight2007 · 23/08/2015 10:20

The great advantages of dummies is they are much easier to deal with than Fingers or thumbs..My Ds gave his up himself at 3 months so no real personal experience but I did go through it with my next door neighbour numerous times and do to know the time it worked was when she decided she was going to do it.. No wavering. it was done and her children did sleep better.

I would say the same of another friend similar...So I would be positive about it..If you want to do the dummy fairy tell DC ..Fairies have had messaged from the dentist and need the dummies..

I wouldn't do the hint stuff be very positive , you give them time to think about it rather than this is something great we are going to do..

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 23/08/2015 10:21

It's definitely time to get rid of the dummy. Your child won't thank you if they have bad teeth because of the dummy. My Dd had one and we went cold turkey. I was so worried how it would upset her. She was absolutely fine.

MythicalKings · 23/08/2015 10:23

You need to put her needs first. Your alone time/sleep is not as important as her teeth.

differentnameforthis · 23/08/2015 10:31

The thing you may find, is that she will probably wake less once the dummy is gone, as it is probably losing it that makes her wake!

00100001 · 23/08/2015 10:41

mythical so a chronically sleep-deprived parent is better for the child?

You think a person should sacrifice their own health because of a person that has a learned behaviour that can be corrected (without harm to that person) shouldn't have to change?

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