Wedding guest AIBU

[Girlsjustwannahavefun69]

My best friend is getting married very soon and is planning what was originally a very tight budget.

I would like MN opinions before I speak to her as she is being gossiped about behind her back.

What was originally planned was a small wedding of family and close friends for 30 is now a wedding for 200.

Out of 8 of our circle of very close friends one is maid of honour. She is having 12 bridesmaids. None of us are bothered as that's up to her.

The MOH knows many people from the brides other social circles and the consensus is they are being used. The people with many talents that work in the wedding industry photographer, dressmaker, chair hire, chocolate fountain, cake maker and florist as well as a few more are all in the bridal party. So these feel used as they are not particularly close to the bride and have all been asked to provide there talents for cost price or free.
Plus the bridal party have all agreed to pay for there own dresses shoes and hair.
So that's the bridal party all feeling used.

Now the guests turn. They are having a hot buffet for the wedding breakfast provided by the guests. That's right the invitations arrived this week and in Lieu of gifts we have all been asked to bring a hot dish for the breakfast specified by the couple and also a cold dish for the evening buffet. There is no bar so we also have to bring our own!

I've known about this for a while as the bride as my opinion and I have it to her straight and said if you can't afford to feed your guests you need to shave your numbers down. She didn't take on board what i was saying.
We went to look at venues last week and it is now not so much a budget wedding as she has fallen in love with one of them and will need to also pay for the registra to come out to marry them! The venue she has chosen is lovely but it is far from the cheapest.

I've been sat on this for a week and it just doesn't sit right with me. I feel that she has gone way over her original budget with the venue and apart from her venue is not providing anything for her guests.

But then on the flip side why do I feel like that as we do not have to take a gift but food. It will not be anymore than what we would of put cash in a card. And the BYO drink is great as I hate the inflated bar prices at these events.

What do you think is the bride BU? Am I being unreasonable in thinking this way and should I say something?

We had a bring and share. It was great. Reception was in the village hall. We set up during the day so people could bring their dishes to store in the fridge if they wanted. Ceremony at 3, then back to hall. Everyone played in the park outside while we bunged food in the oven. Lots of people bought cold stuff and my mum brought her slow cooker to
make a casserole. We ate at 5. Was a lovely relaxed wedding with tons of great food. We asked for no gifts. Only had 70 guests including children so probably easier.

I feel a bit sorry for the bride, having so-called friends bitching about her behind her back. Whatever happened to a wedding being about celebrating two people spending the rest of their lives together rather than a free jolly for the guests?
Plus if you think you're being used you surely have a mouth to speak with or the ability to send an email? Decline the invitation.

It's not your business. Don't be involved if you don't like her plans. The others are adults and can also choose accordingly.

Sounds like a laugh to me, I wouldn't give a shiny shite about that stuff I would just be happy to be at my friends wedding.

I'm trying to work out what the OP is objecting to...

Is the problem that the bride is going about the DIY/BYO-getting-friends-to-help thing in such a way that she is becoming a grabby freeloader? In that case, it's no wonder that people are feeling put upon and this wedding is unlikely to be like the delightful DIY/BYO ones that various PPs attended. So the OP has a point.

However, if the OP is objecting to the whole DIY/BYO aspect in general then they are BU.

I'd be happy to take a cold dish or pudding to a pot luck wedding.

Calling in favours from people trying to make a living as a photographer or cake maker is not on - I bet wedding photographers are always having their arms twisted by people who've suddenly become their 'best mates'.

On the other hand, if you have a mate who is an amateur you risk ending up with substandard photos if they struggle with photographing an event of that size, the light in a dark church, or bad weather conditions. I've known weddings where this happened. Plus the friend has to be on duty all day and not enjoying themselves at the wedding!

Also a friend had a wedding cake made by someone who'd never made wedding cake before, in lieu of a gift, and it went horribly wrong.

OP, if your friend asks your opinion I would tell her she really might regret not paying for professional photography at the very least.

12 Bridesmaids That's a lot.
I don't see the problem with giving food instead of gifts

FWIW if I were you, I would leave everyone who is annoyed, have it out with the bride/groom themselves rather than you doing it for them. This is not your battle so go and enjoy the wedding and let everyone fight their own battle.

I would worry about getting food poisoning. Hopefully everyone cooks the food at correct temperatures and stores raw meats separately/uses correct chopping boards (no cross contamination) and has good hygiene habits/clean cooking surfaces/utensils/hands. My friend and half the wedding guests got food poisoning at her sister's wedding at a local restaurant last year against the bride's insistence that it was not food poisoning [sceptical]

Unless extremely well organized, two potluck buffets for 200 guests is going to be chaos! I would recommend that you eat at home first and take your own prepackaged room temp snacks........not a really enjoyable day though. For me, the expectation of yummy food is part of the enjoyment of a wedding.