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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a little sad at having very big children

72 replies

Purplesky2 · 21/08/2015 10:07

Ds is 7.7 and 139cm tall and Dd is 3.6 and 109cm tall. I sometime feel sad the way people speak to them. Not so much Dd as she has a toddlerish face and mannerisms and also looks about 5 which is still young but Ds get treated much older by other family members. My BIL was teasing him for his teddy bears the other day which he play with at home. He also loves playgrounds and soft play still but I fear people will tell him off for being too old and big soon. I know it's a first world problem and I am incredibly lucky that he is healthy but really inside he is just a small boy but looks so old on the outside.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 21/08/2015 10:11

My eldest was always small for her age and yet behaved/acted old for her years. Then I had 3 strapping dc who look much older than the are.

YANBU it's much tougher as a parent!

honeysucklejasmine · 21/08/2015 10:11

DN has this too. She looks about 2 years older than she is. I find the worse is otger, older, children, who can be quite mean. They say things that an older child could understand, and then laugh and assume she's stupid when she looks confused. A real shame.

wanderingwondering · 21/08/2015 10:11

Ah, yanbu. Must be a bit upsetting.
I have the opposite-my 6.5 yo is smaller than your 3 yo. She is quite immature and at clubs, school playground etc. gets away with acting like a much younger child which can be a bit embarrassing.

akindofmagic · 21/08/2015 10:14

My son is the same, 3 years 3 months and very tall, about 110cm. He has always been big and tall for his age (was a 10lb baby!) and has always been spoken to and treated as if he is older, by both adults and older children. It does make it harder so you have my sympathy!

Enb76 · 21/08/2015 10:15

My DD is not 7 yet but also tall - taller than your boy in fact. Luckily for her she is quite emotionally mature but even I forget that she's not older than she is. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Children don't tend to notice, it's just us adults. She's routinely taken for a 9 year old and people are always surprised when they find out. It generally takes them a while.

MsVestibule · 21/08/2015 10:15

Is your DS really that much taller than average? If I was going to feel 'sad' about anything, it would be that I had an idiot for a BIL. How did you respond when he said that? Something along the lines of 'He's only 7, of course he still wants to play with teddy bears'?

Seriously, please don't worry about what complete strangers may or may not say to/about him in a few years!

PrincessHairyMclary · 21/08/2015 10:16

My DD is 5 and 126cm and is very sensible and mature (for a 5 year old) to boot and often gets treated much older than she is.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 21/08/2015 10:20

They'll love it in a few years time though when they can get into pubs and nightclubs, and buy razors and knives from Sainsburys at 16!!

Original poster

Purplesky2 · 21/08/2015 10:21

BIL is an idiot - he says things without engaging his brain. He does not get my ds at all despite his dd being less than a year younger apparently she is just a little girl ????

OP posts:

Original poster

Purplesky2 · 21/08/2015 10:23

and it was her he was playing teddies with "why don't you go outside and play football instead of being a baby and playing teddies?"

OP posts:

CigarsofthePharoahs · 21/08/2015 10:27

I used to get a lot of comments about ds1. He's tall for his age and at 2 he was taller than most 3 year olds. I regularly got comments about his behaviour and his speech. Got fed up of pointing out his real age.
Perhaps see a bit less of bil if you don't like him?

CigarsofthePharoahs · 21/08/2015 10:27

RandomMess · 21/08/2015 10:30

OMG your BIL is one of them stereotyping boys and girls - argh!!!!

Enb76 · 21/08/2015 10:35

Well, you BIL just sounds like a tosser - ignore him. He's probably worried about your son catching the gay if he doesn't spend all his time obsessing about football.

LynetteScavo · 21/08/2015 10:36

Your BIL would be an idiot what ever the size of your DC.

My whole family seem obsessed with DS2 height (which is perfectly normal!) A relative recently walked into our house and said "Hello DS2, you're growing outwards and not upwards."

You can't stop idiotic remarks from other people, and I think they come no matter what size or shape a child.

Goldmandra · 21/08/2015 10:39

Your BIL is a dick!

I'm another one who had the opposite problem. Both my DDs were tiny and were treated like much younger children. DD1 was viewed as a freak because she walked at 10 months and talked in sentences before her first birthday but was wearing age 3-6 month clothes. People would literally stop and stare at her.

My friend's DS was born a month before her and was very tall for his age. It was very difficult for even me and his mum to see them as being the same age. Everybody naturally babied her more than him which was sad. She used to be carried around the playground by Year 4s when she was in reception which only reinforced the idea that she was younger, whereas he was criticised and told to be a big boy if he got upset about anything.

I often wonder if it had a longer term effect on them. Maybe children who are expected to behave older than their years mature a little faster and end up being better off for it in the end? I don't know but it would be nice to think it had some sort of positive effect too.

hazeyjane · 21/08/2015 10:43

You can't stop idiotic remarks from other people, and I think they come no matter what size or shape a child.

^^this

Ds gets called a baby, he is 5, but shorter than your 3 year old (97cm), with very babyish features, no speech and he uses a buggy.

manicinsomniac · 21/08/2015 10:44

YANBU, I can understand it being difficult.

One of my colleagues has a son who looks 2-3 years older than he is but is quite immature and acts a bit younger. So she began the tactic of saying, very loudly, in public 'oh X, stop that now, you're X years old' or 'you can't do that, you're only X years old' so that people would know he was still a little boy!

My cousin's baby was off the scale huge when he was born. He's still very tall but not abnormally so. But, at 3-4 months he looked 10-11 months and it wasn't till you picked him up and he flopped against you like a little baby that you realised how young he was. Not very PC but my cousin's wife was genuinely worried that 'everyone will think I have a backwards baby'.

My children are all tiny and the eldest is starting to have the opposite problem. She'll be 13 in November but looks 9 or 10 and people are always querying whether she's old enough to do things.

JammyGeorge · 21/08/2015 10:49

Your BIL is an arse.

I have 2 huge strapping boys, my 2 year old is as tall as most of his big brothers reception class.

We get comments and looks all the time especially as he's not potty trained yet but I've grown thick skin.

They were both curled up with their teddies watching tinkerbell last night they are big softies.

trashcanjunkie · 21/08/2015 12:25

Nah, we love it round ours! Ds have all been huge, but ds2 is my prize marrow I can't remember his exact height at the minute, but he comes past my shoulders and I'm 5'11.... He's 10 and a half! He's waaaay taller than everyone in his primary, and quite a few of the teachers. He loves it, and sees it as a positive asset.

Agree with others that Bil is a nob head... He'd find something dim to say whatever the situation.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 21/08/2015 12:30

"why don't you go outside and play football instead of being a baby and playing teddies?"

Your BIL sounds charming.

ds2 is my prize marrow

CatMilkMan · 21/08/2015 12:33

I was massive for my age, people that knew my age always said how big I was and people that found out normally mentioned it.
I brushed it all off and absolutely dominated in most sports at school.

SisterSage · 21/08/2015 12:36

Oh I have this. DS is on the highest centile for height and a relatively good walker at only 13 months. He looks more like a small two year old and at soft play and things there are definitely judgy looks for him acting like the baby he actually is!

Ihateigglepiggle · 21/08/2015 12:37

I also have big children and recently posted in chat about DS1 being put in older sport categories (the 9+) when he's only 6.

I wasn't sure, but everyone including my son and husband and mumsnetters thought it was fine. I decided I was being precious BUT then he came home with all the details of a horror movie the other boys had seen. Gruesome, bloody, terrifying and to be honest even too old for 9 year olds. He's terrified.

I think what I'm saying is, they might look old, they might be physically capable but they are still mentally their actual age and I'm going to keep it in mind from now on.

Your BIL sounds thick. Teddies are fab.

SilenceOfTheSAHMs · 21/08/2015 12:39

I have a huge DS. He is 5 in Autumn and wears size 6-7 clothes. He is nearly in a size 1 shoe!
He is growing at a phonomenal rate!
If people stare when they can go mind their own business.

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