To want to move away with being made to feel guilty

[Rainbowlou1]

Hello..I'm a long time lurker and often come here to seek advice from others in similar situations so I've decided to come on here with my own AIBU!
Very long story short, my mum is very lucky in that she has pretty much her entire family close by, however she has in the past had little episodes of feeling down and that her life is crap-usually when everyone is busy!she has a lovely life, my dad is an amazing husband but she bitches and moans about him constantly. She has told me she has nothing in life worth living for-apart from my 2 children!
(There's so much to her personality that is so negative and emotionally exhausting but I'll not bore you)
A few years ago we considered moving away because where we live is just too expensive, we are renting a horrible flat with no garden as its all we can afford but when we ran our plans by her she stormed out of her house crying and accusing me of taking her grandchildren away from her and denying her the right to watch them grow up. We then didn't speak for 2 weeks and she became depressed????
We didn't go and I regret it so much, we are now seriously considering a move to the coast-it will be an hour and a half away and we can afford to rent a bigger, nicer place with a garden plus we have always wanted a village life near the sea.
I feel physically sick at the thought of telling her what we will be doing-we are doing it and this time next year our new adventure will be in place I'm sure of it!
Am I really being such a horrible daughter for wanting to give my children a better more wonderful life??
The more I think of it the more I realise how much in life I have not done because of upsetting others especially her..
Sorry for the long rant!

Interesting. I don't think all SAHMs are like that AT ALL, but my MIL who behaves like your mum was a SAHM.

But more than being a SAHM, she never really did anything before or after children. No career or anything, so I guess she views herself, her whole self, as a mother who is, at the present time, unable to do any mothering.

It does make me sad. She has no life at all. Whenever we speak to her it's the exact same conversation; "walked the dog, did some gardening".

Gummy to be fair, some people are very happy to live simple lives. My Mum and my MIL pretty much do that....walk the dog, do the garden, read...they're both nearing 70 and don't want to do much more. THey like the telly and a cup of tea.

Calleighdoodle keep on at your H and do it!

At the moving to Australia bit!she had a friend whose daughters both moved to Australia and she actually said she couldn't carry on living if she had children that selfish and moved so far away!

Rainbow that's shocking! Though nobody WANTS their child to emigrate, I think a parent's job is to give their child the confidence to DO it if they want to!

YY house. We live just over 90 minutes from my mum, it works really well as we both visit a lot. But I do get guilt tripped a lot. Also it would be great for DH'S career to spend a year or two living in the US or Europe. We don't even consider it because she would go mad. I have so many friends who live in different countries to their parents and don't get the guilt trips I do. I have pointed this out to her but it doesn't help!

Well done for making the decision OP - keep us posted!

It is totally shocking and an awful burden when you're younger and getting excited about what you want in life.
My daughters 15 and asked me if she would be allowed to go to uni when she's older...I said to her you go, you travel, work abroad if you want and you do whatever makes you happy-I Would never want mine to miss out on opportunities and experiences.
My 6 year old son on the other hand said he will still live with me when he is 80

KingTHistle I didn't consider it either! But then our personal living conditions got so bad that I just HAD to. I realised that my Mum was the onl thing stopping me....and since she has three other children, friends and siblings as well as a part time job, I decided that I had to think of my own family and emigrate.

We moved countries. We were living in London, hand to mouth. We had one child and had no option for a second with the way our finances were. So we emigrated. Our families were sad, of course, but they understood that we had to improve our lives for our children (we had a second abroad).

We're a 12 hour flight away now but we see our families quite a bit - they visit, we visit etc.

An hour and a half is nothing, you could still see your mum once a week, and when your kids are older they can travel on their own.

Good luck!