Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think a baby shower for a second child is a little grabby?

59 replies

quietasamouse · 18/08/2015 16:48

My friend's second child is due soon. We have all (incl friends from uni who haven't seen her for a while) been invited to a baby shower, with a list of gifts to choose from and a few things to definitely not buy (as she likes to choose her own versions of these things). The invitation has come from her.

My friend is lovely but not the overly sociable type. She's not keen on other people's occasions e.g. hen nights, evening wedding celebrations etc as she says she would rather be at home, so often doesn't go or makes up a childcare excuse. This I understand, but I'm confused as to why she would then go and arrange an event of her own!

AIBU to think it is a little cheeky?

OP posts:
fourtothedozen · 18/08/2015 16:51

I wouldn't attend a baby shower.

A vulgar type of party.

Leeds2 · 18/08/2015 16:52

I think having a baby shower with gift list for your first born is cheeky ......

In your shoes, I would decline the invitation. No need to give a reason.

NoPityRequired · 18/08/2015 16:57

I don't mind baby showers. I'm happy for my friends.

I don't mind them even if they are for second or third babies. Could be twentieth baby I'd still want to celebrate with them and would buy a gift for every child, even of it was something small.

I do mind when they are organised by the pregnant woman. That is grabby if you ask me. "come all my friends and buy me shit loads of stuff!"

And I definitely mind when people issue gift lists. There should be no obligation to get a gift let alone from a list. If I want to buy something I want to choose it (usually something sensible like consumables or plain vests) I don't want to be told I have to buy a 40 quid shawl Hmm

Original poster
quietasamouse · 18/08/2015 16:59

The gift list is cleverly hid in the body of the invitation if you see what I mean (I really do like this friend btw, that's why I'm so surprised at this!) Essentially it's a paragraph of dos and don'ts - "this would be good, but we don't need these" kind of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
quietasamouse · 18/08/2015 16:59

or even hidden!

OP posts:
meditrina · 18/08/2015 17:02

Yes, it's grabby.

Like bridal showers, they mark the transition, not every subsequent iteration.

ollieplimsoles · 18/08/2015 17:03

has SHE actually arranged the baby shower?

Thats rather grabby in my opinion, especially for the second baby.

I hate gift lists too, for any occasion.

BumWad · 18/08/2015 17:05

Grabby for 1st, 2nd, 5th baby.

Avoid!!!

Original poster
quietasamouse · 18/08/2015 17:08

Someone from her work arranged the first one for her I think, but she doesn't seem to be around any more.

Tbh I was a little surprised at the first baby shower because I really didn't think it was her thing. But, as someone else had arranged it I guessed it was their idea not hers so went along with it.

I also thought that perhaps she was wanting to become more sociable so it would be more about the party and less about the gifts. However, since then she still doesn't go to other people's events unless she really has to so I'm stumped!

OP posts:
Original poster
quietasamouse · 18/08/2015 17:11

The invitation invites me to "friend's name" 's birthday shower but is definitely in her writing. It is at her house and the rsvp is to her mobile number.

I am now wondering if there have been other clues I've missed over the years. I hope not.

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 18/08/2015 17:55

I don't understand why people get so worked up about baby showers? Is it so awful to spend £5 on a pack of bibs/mitts/hats/rattle and go and celebrate your friends baby? First or second child its equally as exciting and I would hope my friends would want to be there. Baby showers are the norm in my circle of friends, I really don't think they are grabby.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/08/2015 18:00

I would decline the invitation, it is extremely grabby and rude of your friend.

fourtothedozen · 18/08/2015 18:00

It's rude for people to ask for gifts.

HerRoyalNotness · 18/08/2015 18:07

I really don't like baby showers at all. I'd rather wait until the baby and mother were safe at home and drop a gift and welcome card to them.

A friend put on a sip and see for her 2nd, just come over for a drink and meet the baby. Much prefer that.

ijustwannadance · 18/08/2015 18:14

Hate baby showers and the fact she has a gift list like a bloody wedding is very, very grabby.
I for one don't like the thought of gifts before a baby is born. Even then people should not have a list of acceptable items.

chanie44 · 18/08/2015 18:32

I think a baby shower is a great opportunity for a fun party, but I don't see the need for gifts.

Boutonneux · 18/08/2015 18:32

I don't like the whole thing of Baby Showers - they've always struck me as a bit naff and yes, grabby.

they didn't have them in my day I am sure and my youngest is 14.

Something I have wondered though... if you attend a baby shower and bring a gift, do you also then get another one when baby is born? I know if it was a good friend I'd want to buy something 'pink' or 'blue' (assuming we didn't know beforehand) but it's a bit much if you've already bought a baby shower gift too, no?>

bringthenoise · 18/08/2015 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dotdotdotmustdash · 18/08/2015 18:37

Believe it or not, the Americans have invented a name for a party for 2nd or subsequent babies (found this out on Etiquette.com).

It's not a full baby shower, it's a 'Baby Sprinkle'.

Oh. Dear.

Original poster
quietasamouse · 18/08/2015 18:53

Boutonneux that's exactly the problem I had last time! Woman who was arranging it asked us to contribute to a joint gift which she had already chosen (ironically part of which is something my friend has said in the new list that she doesn't want as she likes to choose her own!). We were then asked to buy a replica of one of our favourite things from our childhood to give too. It sounded lovely on the original invite but in reality meant somebody else chose the gifts I gave to my good friend and they weren't really something I'd have chosen in the first place! I then bought a gift too and was getting rather fed up of it all by then!

And now we seem to be going through it all again! I think I'll just politely decline this 'Baby Sprinkle'! Wink

OP posts:
BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 18/08/2015 19:02

I'm torn. Gift lists for baby showers, sure, grabby. Expecting mother treating the birth of her second child with the same excitement as her first? Sorry, I can't get annoyed about that.

I know that's not what you're saying, OP, but i'm just trying to offer another thought.

Original poster
quietasamouse · 18/08/2015 19:08

I get what you're saying Boy (and as a second child appreciate you thinking about us!), but when she finds any excuse possible not to go to other people's celebrations (often expressing boredom, not wanting to buy gift etc) I'm surprised she's on her second event herself, especially one with a gift list!

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 18/08/2015 19:14

isn't it just a nice cuppa and cake. Gift lists really? Grin

Andylion · 18/08/2015 19:22

Baby showers are great for the first born, helping the expectant parents with all the things they need. I love shopping for them. I usually buy two onesies in three different sizes (for the baby to grow into), some wash cloths, receiving blankets and one nice sleeper. Nothing really expensive but items that will be used and therefor, appreciated.

For the second baby, however, it's a bit grabby. I was invited to a shower for the second baby of a cousin years ago, but the cousin really had planned on not having any more children and had given everything away.

OP, you say your friend doesn't like to go to other people's celebrations; perhaps that is why she is throwing one for herself. No-one else can be bothered as she can't be bothered to attend their celebrations. Also, she has no-one to tell her that a shower for a second baby can be seen as grabby.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 18/08/2015 19:22

Quiet, maybe just buy a token gift, make a (fake if necessary) appointment to leave early if like then just have tea and cake, as toby suggests.

Swipe left for the next trending thread