AIBU to think a baby shower for a second child is a little grabby?

[quietasamouse]

My friend's second child is due soon. We have all (incl friends from uni who haven't seen her for a while) been invited to a baby shower, with a list of gifts to choose from and a few things to definitely not buy (as she likes to choose her own versions of these things). The invitation has come from her.

My friend is lovely but not the overly sociable type. She's not keen on other people's occasions e.g. hen nights, evening wedding celebrations etc as she says she would rather be at home, so often doesn't go or makes up a childcare excuse. This I understand, but I'm confused as to why she would then go and arrange an event of her own!

AIBU to think it is a little cheeky?

I never considered having a shower for my first child (I was 18, people weren't exactly queuing up to offer congratulations), it's a few years later now and I am expecting DC2 and DPs step mum has asked to organise a baby shower for me, I said no. It's one of those occasions people feel obliged to buy things and it's just not my sort of occasion. iME people tend to bring a little gift with them when they visit the baby, and the clothes and bibs and muslins are much nicer to receive than pre selected registry items

I would have thought a list would be useful when it's the 2nd baby, don't want multiple gifts being given and everyone knows at a baby shower you give gifts to help the new mum out.

If one of my friends wanted a 'shower' type thing to celebrate their second baby I would get behind that. I don't like baby showers myself but to each their own! IMHO the list is grabby. What with what you've said about non attendance at other events and the do's and don'ts section. I would probably steer clear

U don't get baby showers anyway. I never had one as I would be extremely uncomfortable doing something solely based around people giving me things for the new baby. It's basically asking for presents. Most relatives give a gift if they want/or able to once the baby is born.

Plus, surely she would already have things from the first baby?

I wouldn't go if I were you. If she is so skint she has to ask for gifts then she either should not have made the decision to have another baby or reuse what she's already got.

I actually think a baby shower is quite a nice idea, although I have only been to 1. We were asked to bring gifts only for the mum as she already had 2 kids and had everything she needed. It was a celebration of her and the fact that she never has any child free time or time to focus on the 3rd pregnancy. It was a really lovely afternoon. I know it's a US import but when else do you actually celebrate being pregnant. In all my pregnancies I have generally felt fat, pretty poorly and not great. I'd love a baby shower!

Gifts after the baby arrives are of course fine too. Although I do recall hardly being able to get up off the sofa as I was so 'post-birth'. Visitors aren't always that welcome at that stage.

I agree the fact she has organised it herself and sent you a list would get my back up a bit...
The baby showers I've been to and one I organised were for first babies and everyone chose a present themselves. Some were bigger than others but left to the individual's discretion ...
It sounds like your friend often makes excuses not to go to others' events so if she's not a close friend I'd pass on the shower...

I was mortified when my best friend from school organised me a surprise baby shower for DS (though obviously it was very kind of her!) Was even more mortified when most people who'd been to it then also bought a gift after he was born, and by the point of sending out invitations for his Christening when he was two months old they were accompanied by a verbal request to PLEASE not buy any more presents. But most people still did . Of anyone tries to do the same for DC2 I will literally just have to hide from everyone I know for the entire pregnancy.

We were asked to bring gifts only for the mum as she already had 2 kids and had everything she needed. It was a celebration of her and the fact that she never has any child free time or time to focus on the 3rd pregnancy.

If she was finding it so hard to cope with already having two children and now expecting a third that she needed people to bring her gifts then I would have bought her a packet of condoms.