There are 4 of us in a close circle of friends (since uni), although we aren't all living that close to each other anymore we do talk reasonably often and try to see each other every few months or so when possible. Lets call the other friends A, B and C.
Friend A has been trying to conceive for a while and is now being assessed for fertility treatment. She has found the whole thing very tough and is desperate to be a mum. We all know this.
I have a DD and Friend B has 2 DCs (1.5 and 4). Friend C has recently announced she is pregnant, having told friend A separately before she told the rest of us. This was 8 weeks ago.
The problem is friend A has been extremely unkind to friend C. She was furious that C hadn't told her she was TTC, but when she explained that it was an unplanned pregnancy this seemed to make things worse. C said A had told her unplanned pregnancies were "irresponsible", for example. She doesn't seem to be able to be happy for C, nor does she want B or I to be happy for her.
She has asked friend B and I not to invite friend C to a get together we were arranging as "it's just too hard to see her". B and I said that we weren't happy to exlude C from our plans, but would understand if A didn't want to come at the moment. Both B and I have said we are happy to meet up with A individually, or to talk on the phone etc but are just not happy to leave C out of our usual plans.
Friend A has told us that she expected more support and feels "betrayed" by us all. Her husband spoke to me to say she has been inconsolable and he was surprised we hadn't been understanding. I've tried just listening, or trying to give her space and waiting for her to contact me but then was accused of sidelining her.
At the same time, C is also really upset by the situation.
I get that A is feeling really awful right now- it must feel like everyone else has what she desperately wants and without any difficulties. It is unfair and I do feel for her, but I also feel she is being unkind- this is a time that C should be able to be happy about without being made to feel guilty. I also feel that I should be able to be happy for my friend without being made to feel like I'm doing something to deliberately upset A. I don't want to leave C out of things, although understand why A might want to be absent herself from things for a while and would be happy to arrange things with A separately (i.e. not excluding C from things).
I don't really know what to say to friend A- I'd like to be supportive but also don't want to be guilted into being unfair to friend C. I feel she is being unreasonable (but understand why) and don't know how to tackle it without making things worse. wwyd?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
Feel stuck in the middle of friends- WWYD
85 replies
jacks11 · 18/08/2015 15:29
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.