To think putting a baby boy in pink is a little odd?

[Reachout]

Hi, this post isn't to point fingers, I just genuinely want to know if I'm the only one who thinks like this.

A friend of mine is putting her newborn baby boy in his sisters old sleepsuites etc and says it's just newborn clothing, why does it matter.
I'm sorry but I wouldn't even think of putting a boy in girls things, and I don't just mean 'pink', I mean properly girly.

AIBU? I can't see why you'd do it, and she isn't strapped for cash by any stretch of the imagination. It just doesn't sit right with me.

OP, I think it's personal choice. I have a boy. He wears cerise pink and baby pink polo necks. I wouldn't dress him in a feminine way because he is a boy. That is my own personal choice and opinion.

I don't get where this sudden uproar of "we shouldnt gender stereotype babies" has come from. I agree with Itsmine on this point. Plus it always seems to be about boys wearing girls clothing and not the other way round as that is already done.

I have also seen some "neutral" clothing when I was pregnant with although advertised as neutral were mainly feminine.

"It's a perfectly harmless cultural thing isn't it, pink for girls blue for boys. There's nothing wrong with it."

Except that a lot of the creeping pinkification/gender divided toys and clothes are a product of clever recent marketing that makes sure that parents think it's "unnecessary" and "strange" and "self-indulgent" not to buy brand new things for an opposite sex child, and that buying, eg, new pink versions of everything for a girl is "just normal". Except that it's been shown that once people know that a baby is a boy or a girl (via our very important "harmless cultural thing") they treat them differently and this can have knock-on effects on their development. Except that it makes people feel the need to conform to a very narrow view of gender presentation for children lest they be seen as weirdos. Why yes, I am one of those humourless lefty feminists. :)

And, as I've said a zillion times on this thread, it's a relatively recent cultural thing. You'd think from some posts that this was how things always were/inherent/natural/had some biological basis/traditional, and it just isn't, or at least is only traditional in a very recent sense. Baby clothes and toys in the 70s and 80s were waaaaaaaay less colour coded/gendered, and there was a time before that when pink was seen as masculine.

And no, I wouldn't make my DS1 go to school in a dress just to get the wear out of the clothes because he probably wouldn't want to wear one - it's very different from a baby who frankly doesn't care what he or she is wearing, or indeed what are "clothes". If he did want to wear one, he could fire ahead. A friend has 4 year old DTS's and one of them occasionally goes out in a princess dress-up dress over his jeans, nobody really cares. And yes, that does make me "one of those mumsnet parents who lives in weirdo lefty la la land", and proud of it.

"Someone who dares comment on it doesn't deserve to have all these 'jokes' hmm thrown at them."

They do, actually. Because they're being ridiculous. :)

You still haven't actually explained why dressing a boy baby in pink hand-me-downs is "unnecessary", btw, other than saying you wouldn't personally do it and dressing boys in blue is a "harmless cultural thing".

I doubt Asda's baby clothing is rated well in any ethical consumer guide, either, itsmine.

Which is why, I long before I even had an MN account sought second-hand and handmedowns for my babies, regardless of colour.

Sure, buying sweatshop produced clothing is as cheap as chips. Because it's made in a sweatshop.

"I don't get where this sudden uproar of "we shouldnt gender stereotype babies" has come from."

For me, at least, I only really became aware of it when I had my first child six-odd years ago - was genuinely shocked at how different and more gender-divided things are now than when I and my younger siblings were children.

Not saying that the 70s were some kind of social issues paradise (far from it) but in this particular area I think we've gone backwards.

Is this thread a joke?

Yabu! My ds has worn loads of his sisters stuff, some of which (the stuff I didn't choose, tbh) was pink.

It's not my favourite colour for either sex as it can be a bit too bright, but I put him in what I have/ had - dd's clothes, new presents for him and hand me downs from other boys/ girls.

I am not massively strapped for cash but hate waste, and pink is just a colour.

Maybe your friend is not strapped for cash because she doesn't waste money.

Mind you I haven't rtft and suspect this is a wind up.

It's not a terrible thing that the baby clothes are predominantly pink or blue.

But if you look at old photos I had very little pink clothing. Probably a bit more brown than these days mind you... Even though I hated wearing dresses, People figured out I was a girl somehow. It's just been a weird creeping phenomenon over the years.

The toys in primary colours are fine too, why does there have to be a pink version? Pink piano/till/kitchen, just why? I guess to make more money, but I think the colourful stuff looks nicer anyway and wouldn't chose the pink for DD.

So many people have said that well need to get special 'girl toys' now that we have a DD too.

Oh look at Asda's score here, hmmm?

Is that it being at the bottom of the table? Why, yes it is! www.ethicalconsumer.org/buyersguides/food/supermarkets.aspx

I will not condemn people for buying stuff they need there (it's a recession and many people are being forced to resort to food banks for crying out loud, so they can hardly be expected to buy fair-trade everything), but judging people for reusing stuff instead of going to Asda?

That's not on.

There's an ethical choice to be made and it's not the one where you throw away good stuff and buy new at Asda.

Also, when dd was a baby I bought herbal pair of beige ish dungarees second hand from a mum who's dd was born on precisely the same day as she was. The mum was selling off all hee ds' stuff as couldn't use it for her dd apparently! I welcomed the beige dungers and used them for ds subsequently.

leedy I wasnt aware of that - I guess being a relatively new parent I didnt look around for those things before. I think it depends on the severity of the clothing. pink babygros are neither here nor there to me. However, I wouldnt choose to buy them but if passed to us I might.

In a previous occupation I have also seen the damage done to children where the parent allowed the boy to dress in girls clothes - meaning princess dresses etc and go out to school etc in them. I think sometimes, there needs to be thought about these kinds of things before insisting it's ok. In some cases it isnt. And just because you don't think it's ok doesnt mean you are gender stereotyping, or homophobic as was suggested against the OP.

One thing we could all do with remembering is that what the OP has said is her opinion. No one can say if she is right or wrong. Its her opinion. Agree or disagree but don't sling mud and insults. She is entitled to her opinion just as you are.

Hilarious.

I bought a pink buggy (cos we liked it) and a mix of colours (including pink and blue) when I was pregnant back in the days when you weren't allowed to know what sex you were having. It was rather fun having a baby boy in a pink cardi in a pink buggy - some people were outraged! Oh simple pleasures...

He was a baby, he cared not one tiny fuck about what he wore as long as he was comfortable.

"In a previous occupation I have also seen the damage done to children where the parent allowed the boy to dress in girls clothes"

Really? So the onus is on parents to make their gender-non-conforming or otherwise "different" children conform "for their own good", rather than, eg, work with schools etc to prevent bullying of kids who are a bit outside the norm?

I find that very sad.

(it reminds me of when I was a very mouthy/bookish kid, one of my similarly bookish but more popular friends told me that I should "just pretend to be like them so they'll like you more" :()

One thing we could all do with remembering is that what the OP has said is her opinion. No one can say if she is right or wrong. Its her opinion. Agree or disagree but don't sling mud and insults. She is entitled to her opinion just as you are

That's not true.

You can say if opinions are right or wrong.

If I say, "I think cucumbers are £1.50 each in Iceland", I am wrong. (They're 50p.) Doesn't matter that it's my opinion, I'm wrong.

And the mud-slinging you see? That's people expressing their opinions of the OP's post. Aren't they entitled to their own opinion?

You can question the op's opinion if she asks "Am I being unreasonable".

Which she has.

It was rather fun having a baby boy in a pink cardi in a pink buggy - some people were outraged!

That actually sounds like fun. Maybe I should have some fun with DS and his cousins someday!

Opinions aren't facts. I uphold your right to have an opinion but it isn't necessarily an opinion based on sound reasoning.

"Not saying that the 70s were some kind of social issues paradise (far from it) but in this particular area I think we've gone backwards."

I think that's spot on.

I was once told, by the usually sensible granny of a friend's dd, that if my 2 yr old ds had been her boy "I'd have been worried about him".

The source of her worry? That he was enjoying playing with a pink play kitchen belonging to her dd.

I think (fgs hope) that we can all agree that her opinion was more than a little odd. Maybe in time we'll move towards seeing that fixing tighter and tighter gender norms for baby clothes is also... a little odd.

OOOPS lol. Didnt realise this was in AIBU - judge away!

TheIncomparableDejahThoris Express opinions yes, it just seems a bit nasty and malicious to suggest the OP is homophobic. Thats not an opinion. Thats mudslinging.

leedy It would be an ideal that none gave a crap what people wore but sadly, in the society we live in, at least today, being different can make you a target as in that incident. Surely our duty in that regard is to protect our children.

protect our children

Here's a thought. How about we protect our children and future children by challenging the notion that babies should wear a genderised uniform so that people thereby creating a more tolerant and accepting society for all of us?

My 12 week old DS has a couple of gorgeous pink blankets. These have been in the family for 37 years now.

My brother, sister and me have used them. Then my three nephews (sisters boys), my two nieces and nephew (brothers kids) and now it's DS turn to use them.

No big deal whatsoever.

One thing we could all do with remembering is that what the OP has said is her opinion. No one can say if she is right or wrong. Its her opinion. Agree or disagree but don't sling mud and insults. She is entitled to her opinion just as you are

You can be homophobic/racist/sexist etc. You are entitled to be. But you are wrong.

And yes I agree with Leedy on this one.

In a previous occupation I have also seen the damage done to children where the parent allowed the boy to dress in girls clothes - meaning princess dresses etc and go out to school etc in them.

The onus needs to be on people accepting people for what they are not forcing them to conform. Forcing people to conform when they just don't is just as bad. What are parents supposed to do in that situation. They effectively are dammed if they do or dammed if they don't when the real issue is that its society that is wrong not the individual.

damage done to children

But any damage came from people's/societies prejudices. They didn't catch an illness from the clothes .

I have also seen the damage done to children where the parent allowed the boy to dress in girls clothes

But it's the girls and women who are damaged in the long term by society's view that girl things are "inferior". And that damage is happening all the time.