DH purposely spiting me!

[perrita]

Just had a massive argument with DH over something so little and stupid and pointless and I need some perspective, fully expecting to be told I'm BU, that's fine but here we go.

Last Saturday bought a pack of two Weight Watchers desserts. I had one on Sunday and left the other one for him however last night he was having biscuits with a cup of tea and I asked if he minded if I ate the other dessert. He said no.

Tonight he said "oh I might have my WW dessert" I said he couldn't as I ate it last night. Cue him kicking off. I apologised but said I asked if I could have it (as usually with stuff that comes in twos or what have you we understand we have one each) but he said I didn't make it clear that it was his one I was asking to have. I went away into the living room and he followed after a bit with some ice cream and I thought nothing of it.

After he'd eaten it he announced to me that he had just had on top of his ice cream this little pack from a Graze box that I'd saved to share with him because it had a Biscoff dip and we both love that stuff.

I told him that it was a really spiteful and nasty thing for him to do, I could have eaten that pack myself but didn't if saved it for us both to try, I asked his permission to eat the WW thing but more than anything I am upset about him being stood in the kitchen scheming on how to "get revenge" on me. I would never do something just to spite anyone, not even to someone I didn't like let alone my husband!

Writing this I'm kind of laughing a bit as I realise how ridiculous it sounds but it has actually really upset me. He has tried to make it up to me by denying he did it on purpose and not apologising.

What do you think, AIBU?

I can't imagine DP ever doing this, he's more likely to go out of his way to give me the last of something I like, and I'm not on a restricted diet.

How long have you been together, does he do this often?

hackmum's anecdote struck a chord with me too.

These 'little things' are often tips of very nasty icebergs.

I have similar anecdotes of my own and I also wish I had taken action YEARS earlier. When people tell you who they really are, its always good to listen.

Unkindness over something so trivial is not a good sign. It usually means that when the big scarey stuff happens, they won't have your back then either.

I agree Spero.

This is exactly the sort of thing that took place in a previous relationship of mine. Petty, vengeful little acts of disproportionate maliciousness that make you seem ridiculous to be upset over, but which are nevertheless designed to upset.

It indicates a mindset in a person that isn't admirable or attractive and it's rather worrying when it's your partner that's displaying it.

But of course, the OP is silly, immature, petty, ridiculous and embarrassing to mention it, while those of us who might know something of it are dramatic.
Okay then.

I agree Spero

I would say you arenoth making too mu h of an issue of food (which makes dieting very hard).

WW puudings - have you actually checked the sugar? More tecent thinking is fat is ok sugar is your enemy.

But yes he was being spiteful or he wouldn't have said anything. I'd be pisses of that he felt the need to announce it and I'd be putting pubes in his tea to see how he liked them toppings

Arenoth = are both
Tecent = recent
Pisses = pissed.

I need sleep

in our house its a case of if your not fast your last .if i want something special i try to buy something no one else likes .but then i live in a house with hubby and 3 sons .no one ever asks permission to eat anything in our house they just have it .

How did it go today OP? You said you weren't looking forward to today.

aprilanne that's different as it is understood and fair. It is a bit the same in my house. Everyone knows if you really want your fair share of something it has to go in a plastic box with your name on, otherwise it could well be eaten.

If someone does eat something that upsets someone (usually blueberries- they are much prized here), the response is apologies and that they will get some more at the supermarket. There is no crowing or meanness.

Sounds deliberate to me.

"You know that ice cream I just had? I put your graze stuff on top of it!" Why tell her? Why?

If he used it because it was there and he fancied it then he would have said that when the OP asked "Where is my Graze stuff?" Then she says that she was saving it for them to share and he says "Shit, sorry I didnt realise, I just thought it would be nice on my ice cream"

But he didnt do that, he made a point of telling her after having a go at her for eating a dessert that he had said she could have. Spite, pure spite.

And in our house there is definitely "my food/your food" because we are both on restricted diets. Somethings cross over but neither of us eat the others food without checking because it might leave on or the other short. She checked, he wasnt listening (a guess but I bet I am right) and he got snotty and got his own back.

I would suggest that anything that comes into the house that is specifically only for the OP should be all hers, no sharing. SAves confusion after all!

Sounds deliberate, mean-spirited and spiteful to me TBH.

On top of everything else and his reluctance to discuss any of it - makes me wonder what is really going on with him.

How did it go today OP? Sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time, and that your husband is refusing to discuss the issues.
Just a thought - have the problems started/intensified since you started your diet? Does he feel threatened by it in some way? (Not reasonable if he does, obviously).