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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH purposely spiting me!

88 replies

perrita · 15/08/2015 21:20

Just had a massive argument with DH over something so little and stupid and pointless and I need some perspective, fully expecting to be told I'm BU, that's fine but here we go.

Last Saturday bought a pack of two Weight Watchers desserts. I had one on Sunday and left the other one for him however last night he was having biscuits with a cup of tea and I asked if he minded if I ate the other dessert. He said no.

Tonight he said "oh I might have my WW dessert" I said he couldn't as I ate it last night. Cue him kicking off. I apologised but said I asked if I could have it (as usually with stuff that comes in twos or what have you we understand we have one each) but he said I didn't make it clear that it was his one I was asking to have. I went away into the living room and he followed after a bit with some ice cream and I thought nothing of it.

After he'd eaten it he announced to me that he had just had on top of his ice cream this little pack from a Graze box that I'd saved to share with him because it had a Biscoff dip and we both love that stuff.

I told him that it was a really spiteful and nasty thing for him to do, I could have eaten that pack myself but didn't if saved it for us both to try, I asked his permission to eat the WW thing but more than anything I am upset about him being stood in the kitchen scheming on how to "get revenge" on me. I would never do something just to spite anyone, not even to someone I didn't like let alone my husband!

Writing this I'm kind of laughing a bit as I realise how ridiculous it sounds but it has actually really upset me. He has tried to make it up to me by denying he did it on purpose and not apologising.

What do you think, AIBU?

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 15/08/2015 21:55

You both sound really childish and petty.

pictish · 15/08/2015 21:56

OP please ignore the spiters and tell the more canny among us what else is going on.

Icimoi · 15/08/2015 21:58

Did he know that you'd saved the Graze stuff to share?

Spero · 15/08/2015 22:04

Agree with pictish. How you do something is how you do everything.

If he is mean and spiteful over the the little things - what is he like over the big things?

thenightsky · 15/08/2015 22:06

agree with Pictish too.

I've been married 35 years next month and we've never had any issues coming close to this.

UnsolvedMystery · 15/08/2015 22:07

You sound more like siblings than husband and wife.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 15/08/2015 22:09

It's a bit daft IMO to have 'your food' 'his food' and food you must share. And saving things here and there. It seems very uptight

ThoseAwfulCurtains · 15/08/2015 22:09

Does he have a need to punish you for what he thinks of as your misdemeanours?

maggieryan · 15/08/2015 22:11

Noone knows what goes in in a marriage. Sounds like yous both were just sniping and he was a bit petty. Wouldn't think it was anymore than that? I'd be afraid to post the things myself and husband have argued over in the last 20 years. You'd have us committedSmile

Lovelydiscusfish · 15/08/2015 22:12

I get where you are coming from. Dh often eats stuff I was looking forward to, and I would never, ever, ever, stage a kind of revenge strike in the way that your dh has done - it simply would not occur to me to do so. To tell you about it, too, sounds so pathetically gloating. Is this one-off behaviour from him, or have you noticed pettiness/spitefulness from him before?

Lovelydiscusfish · 15/08/2015 22:14

What has OP done that is petty? She's not (as I interpret it) upset because he ate her graze box thing per se, but because he did it to deliberately upset her.

Jux · 15/08/2015 22:14

Yes, please do. This really isn't about pudding. I get that you feel (at least) taken aback that he needed to get back at you for eating 'his' pudding.

Mind you, I don't understand why he gets a WW pudding when he's not dieting and is eating biscuits and ice cream with gay abandon, as it were. I think it's a bit mean of him to insist on having a pudding which is the only pudding you can have whilst you're dieting, when he could have anything, as he's not.

ampersandand · 15/08/2015 22:15

I don't think you're being childish or petty at all.

It would piss me off too.

DoreenLethal · 15/08/2015 22:25

I went to have crunchey nut cornflakes yesterday for breakfast to find they were all gone. I would never plot revenge and found out my Oh had bought a new box last night, even though it is not the holidays any more (they are our holiday breakfast cereal).

BlankSpaceBaby7 · 15/08/2015 22:36

I don't think you are being petty OP, you asked him if he minded, he said no so you ate it.

He, however, was very petty

Panzee · 15/08/2015 22:40

What did you post about him the other day?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/08/2015 22:43

pictish The more canny? You say canny I say dramatic. Nothing in the OP's post even hinted at there being anything underlying. If there is then you weren't 'canny' you were automatically suspicious and got lucky. Nae need to try and be superior.

Whimsicalgardener · 15/08/2015 22:45

Bloody hell yanbu.

He is being petty considering he isn't even on weight watchers! Don' t buy him any deserts again. He was selfish and vindictive. Prick.

I'm also trying to diet and my mood is not forgiving.

Original poster
perrita · 15/08/2015 23:14

Thanks for all the replies. We've made up but it still doesn't feel quite right. He's a good husband, normally really kind, caring and generous but I think we're just going through a bit of a rough patch at the minute and I don't really know why. Just been arguing a lot, he's been being quite rude and selfish and grumpy and think I've been being too snappy. It's really getting me down, I've just tried to talk to him about it and he's just dismissed me completely and doesn't think we need to do anything to try and fix it Hmm I'm really struggling. I feel like I don't want to be around him at the minute and I'm dreading tomorrow (day off together).

OP posts:
Jux · 16/08/2015 00:10

Paulanka, is it normal for adults to do that, in your world? To say, "yeah fine, eat that", and then make a fuss and deny sayng they ever said it, and then to eat ice cream in front of you when you're on a diet, and to tellyo that they're also eating the treat you'd been saving? Is that normal behaviour in your world? It's not normal to me, it seems very unkind and deliberately mean. Together wih how upset perrita was, and his refusal to even make a small apology, tells us that all is not well in their relationshp.

Sorry to talk about you in the third person, perrita.

I'm glad you've partially made up. I'm sorry he's being dismissive of your pov. Does he know that you're dreading having to spend time with him?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 16/08/2015 00:22

"He's been being quite rude and selfish and grumpy"

Well, if I had to contend with that I'd be bloody snappy, too. And now he's being spiteful and goady. It does not bode well.

Has he always been a arsehole or is this new?

Bubblesinthesummer · 16/08/2015 00:31

Well, if I had to contend with that I'd be bloody snappy

Well don'the know though if the OP is snappy because of DH behaviour or he is behaving the way he is because she is snappy.

not everything in the world is always the DH fault Wink

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/08/2015 00:38

Jux Depends on how you read it really. Op's partner put a topping on his ice cream, obe that she was saving. How do we know this was spiteful? He missed out on his pudding due to a misunderstanding. He might have just been trying to fancy up a boring ice cream to make up for it.

LittleBearPad · 16/08/2015 00:52

You both need to grow up. As do some of the more dramatic posters on this thread who'll be posting about 'red flags' soon. PaulAnka is right.

SabrinnaInUtopia · 16/08/2015 01:09

Kind of reminds me - when we're enroute and dh goes to the shop in a petrol station - he asks me sandwich what I want - I say cheese or whatever - then he comes out having chosen a cake for himself as well. I say 'oh haven't I got a cake, or chocolate or whatever - he says no, you didn't ask for one! It's just kinda mean, but you can't prove it was mean. He doesn't do it anymore - I told him how mean it was.