My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Wedding and childcare

150 replies

Freeble · 13/08/2015 23:28

Sorry I want to put this as objectively as I can as can't see wood for the trees and need impartial honestly.

Couple have been invited to wedding of old mutual friend. One of the couple has been asked to have a part in the ceremony which will involve them being present on the stage of the ceremony for about 2 hours. Its a child friendly / alternative event and it has been made clear by those marrying that should this person need to hold their baby while up there it is not a problem.

The other member of the couple (who are not getting married!) has suggested the person does not take on this honoured role as they will be unable to help with their other child, who is 6, and will not be able to do very much with the baby as probably won't be able to hold them up there for the whole thing. The other member of this couple is upset that the person taking on this role, which of course is an honour, has not thought to refuse on these grounds.

Views appreciated!

OP posts:
Report
bettyberry · 14/08/2015 00:15

you can't leave someone who is meant to be involved with a big part with the baby OP. Thats just asking for trouble/tears and not turning up yourself?

Why can't the OH have both children at home? is it to do with breastfeeding or attachment or something?

surely the baby at home and the 6yo there would be easier to manage.

Report
julesldn · 14/08/2015 00:16

Non stage person needs to download new games/tv shows/movies for iPad/iPhone/portable DVD for 6yo. Surprise at last minute with new games etc. If struggling, give baby to stage person and have a breather outside/elsewhere. It's only 2 hours, surely can't be that hard.....

Report
catzpyjamas · 14/08/2015 00:17

I think it's a bit like when I was asked to be a bridesmaid and DH had to cope with 2 DCs aged 16 months and 14 years. He felt sidelined, abandoned and was stressed with dealing with DCs alone. I felt that it was a one off, an honour for me to be involved and important to the marrying couple.
He had to suck it up.Hmm

It's one day and it's important to people you both seem to like and care about. I'd say you all go and make the most of it. Sounds very interesting!

Report
julesldn · 14/08/2015 00:17

...orrrr get a babysitter for both DCs at home and both get really drunk?

Report
MrsToddsShortcut · 14/08/2015 00:23

Will non-stage person know anyone else at the wedding? Will they have friends/family who can help out with the kids for the duration of the 'performance'? If so, they are BU.

If not, I feel slightly sorry for them although looking after your own kids for 2 hours really isn't the worst thing in the world, esp if you can wander around. (What kind of wedding ceremony allows wandering around?)

I'm now utterly fixated on imagining the wedding. I think it's either a specific type of religious ceremony, or else, something 'free-spirited', maybe at a festival, or perhaps the B&G are getting married in the middle of a performance of Midsummer Nights Dream. Is stage person playing Bottom? Or a Tree Sprite? (Misses point...)

Report
Freeble · 14/08/2015 00:26

Much appreciate all comments Flowers

Just to add, non stage person doesn't feel stage person would reciprocate should the shoe be on the other foot , and would make a fuss about supporting in a similar situation.

Non stage person thinks stage person has better friendship with them, so feels like a bit of an unwanted add on.

Stage person says is amazed by both ideas.

OP posts:
Report
Freeble · 14/08/2015 00:27

It is religious and it is informal

OP posts:
Report
Freeble · 14/08/2015 00:28

Yes to bar, yes to mutual friends, yes to wandering off being fine

OP posts:
Report
Freeble · 14/08/2015 00:29

But love your imagination MrsTodds!! Grin

OP posts:
Report
MidniteScribbler · 14/08/2015 00:31

Non stage person needs to buck up and accept that if you want to have children then there will be times you may need to actually look after them. If they can't cope with their own children for two hours, then they shouldn't have had them.

Report
selsigfach · 14/08/2015 00:36

Non-stage person (I'm calling Dad!) is being ridiculous. What excuse of a parent can't look after their children for two hours? Especially if mum can sling baby on stage. Ridiculous! Stage mum should definitely do whatever hippy shit has been asked of her.

Report
selsigfach · 14/08/2015 00:38

Is it an Indian wedding? They go on for days and everyone chats amongst themselves.

Report
Freeble · 14/08/2015 00:45

That's more the kind of ball park selis, yes, but not exactly

OP posts:
Report
calzone · 14/08/2015 00:48

Honoured party should do their role on stage.

Other party should take sweets, sticker books and colouring pencils and entertain the children.

Report
TendonQueen · 14/08/2015 00:54

It's two hours. Non stage person should suck it up unless they accept they can't themselves expect to go and do something for two hours while stage person has the kids ever again.

Report
SolidGoldBrass · 14/08/2015 00:54

It sounds like non-stage person is jealous that the honour is going to the other partner. Given that you say it's not a matter of nailing a 6-year-old to its chair for the whole two hours and that there will be ample opportunity to move about, chat, get snacks or whatever, then non-stage person is the unreasonable one. Is s/he normally the 'star' of the couple and narked that it's his/her partner getting the attention?

Report
Freeble · 14/08/2015 01:00

Objectively, non stage person equally 'star'.... Has had big roles at other weddings and so on.

Its more that non stage person does not feel they were consulted when stage person accepted honoured role, as well as thinking the whole thing will be a total ball ache, due to childcare needs basically

OP posts:
Report
Freeble · 14/08/2015 01:01

Baby sitter not an option, sadly!

OP posts:
Report
bettyberry · 14/08/2015 01:03

so the non stage has had their '15 minutes' whilst OH did most of child wrangling yet when it comes to OH having '15 minutes' its all a ball ache? Nice..

tell them to grow a pair. Honestly. If the one has had their chance the other should too. usually you are put on the spot when it comes to stuff like this so consultation goes out the window and Im guessing stage person was all 'yes, OH did so and sos wedding it will be fine'

Report
Freeble · 14/08/2015 01:05

Another question.... Do other parents have these kinds of conflicts over the kids? Is it just my fantasy that this sort of thing is a total no brainer with nothing to argue over? Should it be this difficult?!

OP posts:
Report
pigsDOfly · 14/08/2015 01:09

Two flaming hours. Not sure I'd want to be on stage or off. Can't stand weddings as the best of times.

However, don't understand why the off stage parent finds the idea of looking after his/her own children for two hours so onerous.

Report
scallopsrgreat · 14/08/2015 01:11

No it shouldn't be this difficult. It tends to only be this difficult if one partner feels childcare is the responsibility of the other partner (whichever way round that might be in this case).

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

bettyberry · 14/08/2015 01:12

no, OP, It shouldn't be this difficult at all. Both parents need to be able to look after both children whenever. What if one was sick/in hospital/had to go away for an emergency? They'd both need to be able to cope alone.

If one can cope well during past weddings with 2 kids then its easy enough for the other to as well.

I personally would be furious if my OH couldn't cope with 2 children. I have a SNs child and its bloody exhausting yet we can both manage him and extra children alone if the time calls for it and neither of us have had this issue unless we have been double booked. Then we get a baby sitter or we cancel. Its that simple.

Report
scallopsrgreat · 14/08/2015 01:18

And/or one half of the partnership has a sense of entitlement.

Conversation in my household:

Partner a: I'm doing stage thing it'll take about 2hrs. Kids can play and I can help out with the baby.
Partner b: OK. You owe me a drink at the end of that stint Wink
Partner a: I'll probably need a drink myself!
Partner b: Wonder what food they'll have? Is such and such going?

Cue much irrelevant rabbiting...

Report
Freeble · 14/08/2015 01:19

Thanks all Flowers I really appreciate the objective feedback and support, and I'm grateful for all your time. Sorry that sounded terribly hippyish but I really am Flowers.I'm going to turn in now, night night

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.