Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

AIBU?

Wedding and childcare

150 replies

Freeble · 13/08/2015 23:28

Sorry I want to put this as objectively as I can as can't see wood for the trees and need impartial honestly.

Couple have been invited to wedding of old mutual friend. One of the couple has been asked to have a part in the ceremony which will involve them being present on the stage of the ceremony for about 2 hours. Its a child friendly / alternative event and it has been made clear by those marrying that should this person need to hold their baby while up there it is not a problem.

The other member of the couple (who are not getting married!) has suggested the person does not take on this honoured role as they will be unable to help with their other child, who is 6, and will not be able to do very much with the baby as probably won't be able to hold them up there for the whole thing. The other member of this couple is upset that the person taking on this role, which of course is an honour, has not thought to refuse on these grounds.

Views appreciated!

OP posts:

Report

Freeble · 13/08/2015 23:55

Well non stage person has suggested not attending with 6 yo and stage person doing it alone with baby, is this unreasonable?

OP posts:

scallopsrgreat · 13/08/2015 23:55

Are you going to answer the question that both me and neolara asked?

Also does the person on stage normally pull their weight with regards childcare?

Freeble · 13/08/2015 23:56

Stage and non stage couple see eachother alot. Perhaps too much

OP posts:

RealityCheque · 13/08/2015 23:56

For fuck sake. Is this for real?

Stage person is not being unreasonable as non-stage partner should be perfectly capable of amusing a six year old and a baby for couple of hours. They need to get a grip and stop whinging.

(I assume you are the 'honoured' stage person?)

AdeleDazeem · 13/08/2015 23:57

Well it's hard to know exactly because you've kept the details quite vague. I wouldn't like to have to keep a baby and a six year old entertained at a two hour wedding ceremony. I imagine they'd be bored as pants just like everyone else Could the non stage parent take the children out if necessary or do they have to remain in their seat for two hours? If they can dip in and out then they should be okay.

The couple getting married are being unreasonable for having a two hour wedding ceremony.

PiperChapstick · 13/08/2015 23:57

What Backforgood said. Imagine if he/she didn't go on stage, and the kids were good as gold. They'd be annoyed they bowed out for nothing

Freeble · 13/08/2015 23:57

Sorry scallops... Non stage person doesn't think they will be able to cope/ enjoy the wedding. Stage person does pull weight in terms of childcare

OP posts:

Fizrim · 13/08/2015 23:59

It's not that I think they can't cope with their own kids, more that one person will be doing more work and that will be a pain on a day when you'd normally have a bit of backup. So one gets to join in and the other gets the childcare element. 2 hours is a long time for a ceremony. How long does it take to join two people in alternative matrimony (and why does it have to separate another couple for so long to do it?).

It's not like being at home where you have favourite sources of entertainment for the children handy. There is only so much you can carry with you.

Freeble · 13/08/2015 23:59

This is most definitely for real... Sorry not to give more details and I am really appreciating the feedback

OP posts:

elQuintoConyo · 13/08/2015 23:59

"Not my circus, not my monkeys".

Repeat ad infinitum.

Are you one half of the couple, OP?

I think non-stage parent would have to suck it up. Or find a park/MacDs halfway through!

CaptainHolt · 13/08/2015 23:59

I think non stage person is being a bit wet. I don't understand why non stage person wants stage person if non stage person has other friends to talk to, doesn't have to be glued to their chair and keep dcs silent, and has plenty of family time with stage person generally.

Unacceptable · 14/08/2015 00:01

Stage and non stage person see each other a lot?
So not living together? Assumed they were co-parents and therefore no stage person should pull weight re:childcare.
Not being coparents changes that view.
Can DC be babysat?

Freeble · 14/08/2015 00:03

As I say, alternative and lots for non stage person and kids to do, certainly not a glued to seats and shush situation

OP posts:

scallopsrgreat · 14/08/2015 00:03

Well then non stage person is BU. It is a one off special occasion. I could understand the complaining if the person on stage was generally a devolver of responsibility for childcare (!) but it sounds to me like the other way round. Especially as the children can wander around play with friends etc.

Disclaimer: this opinion is based on the extremely vague and limited facts given by the OP. I bear no responsibility for possibly being wrong when the drip feed happens

ncterrornc · 14/08/2015 00:03

Why can't you just say 'I want to be on stage and I want my dp to watch the kids' or whatever rather than all the other waffle? who the hell has a stage and a 2 hour wedding! ?

Freeble · 14/08/2015 00:04

Stage and non stage person CO parent and live together and see eachother every evening and at weekends

OP posts:

CaptainHolt · 14/08/2015 00:04

I've lived with my DP for almost 20 years but we are lucky to see each other for more than 5 minutes a day on the days we are both working. We co-parent.

LittleBearPad · 14/08/2015 00:04

Non stage person is being rather wet. Can't they look after their children for two hours especially as one can be handed over to stage person.

Tell them him to man up

Fizrim · 14/08/2015 00:04

I now think you are on stage.

Morganly · 14/08/2015 00:05

If I was the non stage person I would be mightily pissed off that I was regarded as only capable of childcare despite them being mutual friends while stage person got to do special important bit. No way will a six year old watch this twaddle for 2 hours so non stage person doesn't really get to participate in the wedding while stage person does.

Compromise: stage person looks after both children on stage. Non stage person necks champagne.

GarminGirl · 14/08/2015 00:06

Jeez, I'd stay at home with he kids tbh.... Other one can prance round on stage for three hours then

bettyberry · 14/08/2015 00:06

So if the OH of the couple (the non stage one) was offered a role like this would they turn round and say 'no my OH needs help with kids'?

Things like this don't happen everyday.

If you cannot handle your own two children alone for an hour or two... whats wrong with you? you seriously need shaking like a jibber jabber ;)

Pre arrange for a mutual friend who doesn't mind missing the odd bit to help with child wrangling, I'm assuming children need to be lassoed because the none stage partner can't manage with out stage partner , to hold the baby/6yo if you have to dash out with the other one because of crying/pooping/boredom.

alternatively non stage person could bugger off through most of it with said children until the last 15 mins. I'm assuming that will be the 'I do' bit or thereabouts and entertain them outside with whatever tech, food, snacks etc works.

To be honest I'd not take mine to such a long winded event. Id wait until the party bit of usually I skip the entire thing and save myself £200 and a ton of stress (I dont really like weddings)

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 14/08/2015 00:09

So stage person and non stage person are arguing over either two non stage children or a mix if stage/non stage children in a two hour wedding ceremony? Is it being filmed for TV?

CaptainHolt · 14/08/2015 00:10

Is non stage person just trying to get out of the whole thing? I would struggle to look at a stage for 2 hours if Beyonce was on it.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 14/08/2015 00:14

Is there a bar?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.