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AIBU?

To think the parents should have been supervising this toddler

105 replies

Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2015 20:42

Today we went to a big open farm, we were in this enclosed play area with sand and tractors, quite a big play area with a gate that could easily be opened by the toddler, not really a deterrent. Myself and dd carer saw this young child on his own, about 18 months to 2 years max. We and another family were in the play area, we asked the fami,y if he was their son, they said no. No other adults near or around the play area so we waited about 10 mins to see if somebody would come to fetch him, nobody did, so my carer waited with my kids and the boy, whilst I fetched a member of staff who came.

Mum came running from round the corner and said he was her child. I then. I told her we were worried as he seemed on his own you can never be too careful etc. she then said he's ok her, and turned her back and went in the opposite direction towards the rock climbing, leaving her ds on his own in the play area. We hung round the play area for a bit more, the boy there with us too. She came back about 5 mins later, and walked off with her ds. I sent this a bit young for this kind of thing. Or am I being a bit cotton willing [cinfused]. He could have pushed the gate door and wondered off, or snatched.

OP posts:

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katienana · 13/08/2015 22:13

I'm not one to scaremonger and do believe that the risk of abduction is tiny. However, that is partly down to opportunity. Most people do not leave their toddlers unattended.

KevinKnowsImMiserableNow · 13/08/2015 22:13

Cue...the "children are far more likely to be abused by someone you know" crew.

That doesn't make it ok to leave babies unattended and out of sight.

Starbrite00 · 13/08/2015 22:17

in a nutshell sebsmummy1
sebsmummy1

Let's put it this way. If the child had been snatched or badly injured then 98% of Mumsnet readership would be baying for blood and asking where the fuck the Mother was?

If you had come on and said that .you had left your toddler unattended in a farm setting and were rather cross that another Mother had criticised you for it, you would have had a mass of Mumsnetters pile in and call you irresponsible and stupid for being so wreckless.

But because you have dared to suggest another Mother was exhibiting poor judgement and questioning her parenting the inference is that you are being unreasonable.

Go figure huh.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2015 22:21

Yes she probably was loosely supervising her toddler, from a distance, but for me, at that kind of age you should be with your child. I would do that if my DC were 5/6, not 18 months to 2 years.

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SomethingFunny · 13/08/2015 22:22

But the child wasn't out of sight. I don't understand the necessity for the parent to be stand right next to the child in order to be able to supervise it. She could see the child, she was watching the child, the child was in a safe place (a toddler play area). What could happen that would mean she needed to be standing right next to the child? If the child got hurt or someone attempted abduction, she would have run over pretty sharpish like she did when the staff member appeared.

This isn't about letting you child play next to a road or out of sight. This is about a parent being more than a foot from their toddler whilst the toddler was happily and safely playing. The parent was still supervising by the sound of it- just didn't feel the need/ wasn't able to stand next to the child to do it. And she wasn't right next to the child, not because she was being lazy or chatting or on her phone, but because she was looking after another child by the sound of it- one who needed her to be next to it whilst the toddler did not.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2015 22:22

Can't be fun also being on your own at that age either, he could become scared or lonely.

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Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2015 22:23

something she was far far more than a foot away.

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SomethingFunny · 13/08/2015 22:24

Was he scared or lonely??

SomethingFunny · 13/08/2015 22:26

Yes, more than a foot away, but she could still see him.

If you child isn't near a danger (water, a road) why do you need to be right next to him, even if he is a toddler?

ShadowStar · 13/08/2015 22:27

I agree that the risk of a toddler being snatched is tiny, but that's not the only reason someone should have been supervising the toddler, is it?

OP says the toddler would have been capable of opening the gate himself. If he'd done that and wandered off, there's plenty of potentially dangerous stuff he could have been getting up too, regardless of how safe the initial play area is. Obviously how dangerous it is depends on the farm. The last farm park we went to had, among other things, a boating lake (drowning hazard), quad bikes and go-karts (risk of getting run over), play equipment designed for older kids featuring ladders and fireman poles (risk of falls from height), farm animals (risk of being bitten / catching something from animal poo), plus, if a toddler had found his way out through the main exit, there's the car park, roads, and plenty of countryside to get lost in. And you just can't rely on a toddler to be sensible around hazards. I'd have been more worried about any of the above hazards than about the risk of someone snatching the toddler.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2015 22:27

Looked a bit bewilded something that is beside the point he is a baby not a 5/6 year old child.

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Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2015 22:28

Something her view would not be that clear, how can she when her attention is split helping her DC with rock climbing.

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KevinKnowsImMiserableNow · 13/08/2015 22:28

I'm confused, op, how can she have been
"loosely supervising her toddler, from a distance"

when your OP says "No other adults near or around the play area...Mum came running from round the corner and said he was her child"

Which is it?

Egosumquisum · 13/08/2015 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomethingFunny · 13/08/2015 22:29

So no then, he was fine.

Shadow Star- I am assuming from what the OP has described that she was watching the child and therefore would have noticed had he opened the gate and left the toddler play area.

ShadowStar · 13/08/2015 22:33

Something - yes, in this case, OP would have noticed the toddler leave the play area. But the toddler's mum did not ask OP or the other adults in the play area to watch him, so the toddlers mum isn't in a position to assume that he'll be prevented from leaving the play area if he goes and opens the gate, or even that anyone will be paying enough attention to the toddler to notice him opening the gate.

Egosumquisum · 13/08/2015 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Egosumquisum · 13/08/2015 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 13/08/2015 22:36

Nah, I'm as judgey as they come and my parenting is definitely more helicopter than free-range. It's just in this case, I'd have thought (1) the mum must have been watching (2) that made it unlikely the DC could wander off and/or be snatched (3) the OP didn't seem concerned the DC would be hurt in the play area so I'm guessing it was a pretty safe place for a DC of that age.

Compare that with the toddler at our local park who was walking along a plank on the pirate ship and fell over 5ft to the ground because they were so small they slipped through the netting and their DP was sitting on a swing at the other side of the park chatting to a friend . I was very judgey about their parenting as I tried to comfort their crying DC.

SomethingFunny · 13/08/2015 22:38

Shadow- sorry, bad writing on my part. I meant "she" the child's mother would have seen her child open the gate as she (the child's mother) was watching. Not that the OP should have been supervising someone else's child.

OP- out of interest, why did you become interested in the this toddler and start questioning people to find the parents? If I was in a toddler play area and there were other children and parents around (and around outside the perimeter fence), I think I would just automatically assume the parent was there. Unless the child was hurt or upset or being naughty and no one was responding. Did anything happened for you to question it? If not, why did you?

Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2015 22:39

ego yes under 2 years is a baby IMO. How can I describe it, there is a path leading to the play area. When helper came, I saw mum running down the path neR the rock climbing towards the play area. I don't understand how she could be supervising properly as the path was quite long seemed a little distance from the area she came from. It looks like it would be ok for a lot of you on here, but it does not sit well for me to leave a child on his own in the play area. She might have thought it was ok as it was enclosed with a gate so he would be fine there, that's the impression I got when she came fir her child. The gate is not lockable.

OP posts:

Egosumquisum · 13/08/2015 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2015 22:45

something I went with my Dd to an activity whilst dd carer looked after ds for me at the play area. When we arrived, the carer said she noticed a little boy had been here for a while, she had noticed people coming and going, nobody seemed to be with him, was worried, so I said I woukd get a helper. Better be on the safe side I think.

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BlackeyedSusan · 13/08/2015 22:45

most likely to chuck sand in his hair or eyes or some other kids hair or eyes.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2015 22:46

ego toddler then, he was about 18-24 months, looked really little.

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