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AIBU?

To not want to take Mil on holiday with us?

108 replies

CatthiefKeith · 13/08/2015 13:07

Dh and I renewed our vows abroad last year, and really want to go back to the same resort for a holiday with dd next year.

Last year was lovely, but it was a bit exhausting making sure all of our guests (20 plus us) were enjoying their holidays and having a good time. The up side though was we did get a fair amount of time to ourselves while dd was off on sleepovers with mil, my parents and my dsis and her children. This time round it will just be the three of us, and we will hae time to really make the most of the resort. (It is an all inclusive Holiday Village)

I mentioned the holiday to Mil last night, and that we were really looking forward to it. I've just spoken to DH and apparently Mil rang him this morning and has asked of she can come too. DH thinks this would be a great idea, she has apparently offered to babysit dd for a couple of nights so we can go out.

AIBU to think that actually, this sounds like a really bad idea and say no?

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CatthiefKeith · 13/08/2015 13:47

My mil doesn't always observe the usual social niceties. She is incredibly tactless, and has a tendency to speak before she thinks.

It wouldn't cross her mind that I we might not want her there tbh.

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BarbarianMum · 13/08/2015 13:55

1 day a week childcare is worth around £1,600 a year by my quick calculation. Not that you should invite her on holiday with you, but quite a big present (weekend away with you all) does seem appropriate.

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ScrambledSmegs · 13/08/2015 14:00

Your mil who wore a wedding dress to your original wedding and is clinging to your DH in the photos?

What could go wrong?

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CatthiefKeith · 13/08/2015 14:10

Barbarian you are quite right, and a weekend would be fine, but two whole weeks? In a 2 bed apartment? NoooooO!

ScrambledSmegs that wasn't my mil. My mil is the one that wanted me to fork out the extra money so 'fil' could have a place at the top table next to her. That'll be fil thats died 5 years ago's framed photo then. Totally worth paying an extra 60 euros for the extra meal then!

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TeaPleaseLouise · 13/08/2015 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 13/08/2015 14:20

Fuck me sideways with a ragman's trumpet.

It's quite simple: DH rings her and says he's cocked up, or you cut his balls off.

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SnapesCapes · 13/08/2015 14:26

Absolutely not. MIL helpfully suggested she come on honeymoon with us so she could babysit DS1. DH booked it as a "surprise" and she spent our honeymoon laid up in bed with sunstroke and the following week in bed with D&V. I still clench in anger when I think of it.

I would refuse to go. Either she goes or you do.

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TheUnwillingNarcheska · 13/08/2015 14:28

Keith you need to read back your previous threads

Don't do this. My FIL is all alone now since MIL died last year and there is no way on this earth I would invite or have him invite himself on my holiday.

A weekend away, yes. 2 weeks? No way.

And quite frankly if having your in-laws or parents child mind means you owe them a holiday then the world has gone mad.

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PrimalLass · 13/08/2015 14:30

Refuse to go.

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fuzzywuzzy · 13/08/2015 14:32

would you be ok for your husband to take your MIL on holiday for a weekend (just him and her if he feels she needs a holiday so much), and then the three of you (you DH and DD) on your second honeymoon together alone without MIL.

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Saucepanman · 13/08/2015 14:36

Just did a giant snort at DisgracetotheYChromosone's comments!

OP- no. Do not go along with this. And I am going to need links to previous holiday threads, obv ;)

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ollieplimsoles · 13/08/2015 14:41

Fuck me its crazy MIL central this week isn't it!

OP this is ridiculous, I know some families like to go on holidays with grandparents but you have history with your MIL over stepping boundaries and you need to say in no uncertain terms you do not want her coming on your family holiday. Just say you want to spend time with DH and DD alone as a family.

It is soooo much harder when your partner is oblivious to his mother's 'ways' though, so I really feel your pain.

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measles64 · 13/08/2015 14:46

Now I am worried, we are planning a villa holiday with our teenage son next year in Portugal, now DIL and son want to come with their baby who will be a year old other son wants to come with his girlfriend. Are they going to regret it? Tis their idea.

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ollieplimsoles · 13/08/2015 14:48

measles64

Its your holiday measles, they are the ones choosing to join you! If you are ok with that then lovely!

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OttiliaVonBCup · 13/08/2015 14:50

Please go.

Don't forget to update us through the tortureholiday.

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CatthiefKeith · 13/08/2015 14:55

She has been much much better lately though. I've been off advance searching myself, I'd forgotten some of her odder moments.

I'm thinking of suggesting she can come for a week, and we go for two.

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averylongtimeago · 13/08/2015 15:01

We went on holiday with the PiL for two weeks in a caravan on the west coast of Scotland - it rained, mil had only brought high heeled shoes, she sulked, the promised baby sitting (DT's were 3) turned into one night- we were in trouble because we stayed out late (10.15) and they had been keeping the cocoa hot. They didn't want to go out as. "We don't feel the need to abandon our grandchildren to go out drinking".
Some years later we made the mistake of asking them if they would like a weekend away with us in our caravan - they loved it. We used to have to sneak off for secret weekends away otherwise she sulked.
Cat thief - don't do it !

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DinosaursRoar · 13/08/2015 15:13

I would say no - tell your DH that if he insists your MIL goes, you don't. That's fine, you'll have a couple of weeks at home all alone and he and DD can go with his mum. Do no organisation for this. You migth want to go back to that resort, but not under these terms, so hold out until he's prepared to do a holiday just for the 3 of you.

Or as a compromise, he calls back his mum and says that you aren't keen on extended family holidays after the disaster of your various holidays with your parents and are refusing, however, you would do a long weekend the 3 of you. A long weekend in Centreparcs might be a good compromise.

You can hire babysitters on holiday, most large resorts will do it, it's considerably cheaper to book a hotel sitter 3-4 nights than take a whole other person on holiday with you (and of course you'll need 2 apartments unless DH doesn't want sex on holiday).

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Saucepanman · 13/08/2015 15:21

The first-and last- time we went away with my ILs, my FIL accidentally ran me over.

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TheCunnyFunt · 13/08/2015 15:23

NO!
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO

No. Do not do it. You'll have to tell your DH to tell her that actually, she can't come. When was the last time just the three of you went away?

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TheCunnyFunt · 13/08/2015 15:24

You FIL accidentally ran you over!?! How?

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CatthiefKeith · 13/08/2015 15:28

The three of us have only ever been away alone once - to Pontins when dd was 18 months old. It was a complete disaster! As fecking usual

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Saucepanman · 13/08/2015 15:32

Parked his motor home behind our car and in his ridiculous haste to get our children out before we could(!) forgot to put his hand brake on. I had opened the boot(7 seater) to get 6yo (at the time) dd out, and the massive van rolled into us, crushing my legs. Him, his brother and DH had to use sheer force to roll it back. I was upset because it nearly was dd, who would have been killed. Just typing this is making me cross at the memory! He was contrite and cried etc but he has form for doing exceptionally stupid things like this, never learns. I spend as little time with him as possible, I'm afraid to say.

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Inertia · 13/08/2015 15:32

How about you and dh go on your second honeymoon, and you pay for mil to take dd somewhere else of dd's choice?

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clam · 13/08/2015 15:37

Wasn't the "photo of late fil at the top table" idea a compromise from having a life-size cardboard cut-out of him in the receiving line?

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