I suspect I am being unreasonable but I guess this is the test for just how unreasonable I'm being.
DS1 is three and being assessed for ASD (he definitely has ASD but it's taking an age to get a diagnosis, though it should be at an end soonish). DS2 is 16 months and I have my suspicions but it's too early to tell if he is also autistic. Both boys are hard work.
I used to limit DS1 to no more than about two hours of screen time a day (it was the NHS guidelines I'd read or some other probably arbitrary limit ) but I've gradually increased that until now I'm sure he watches far too much TV and goes on an old laptop now on top of that. It's just so hard to do anything with him. He doesn't 'do' imaginative play so if I get out all his figures he'd prefer to line them up than actually 'play' with them. If he becomes overloaded or bored he starts playing up by basically just doing things he knows he shouldn't over and over (hitting his brother, biting my clothes, throwing toys, running through to rooms he's not allowed into, kicking, tipping out all his toys, finding anything he can reach that he's not allowed etc.). I mean, there are not even seconds in between me stopping him doing one thing to him moving on to the next. Without locking him in a room I don't know how to stop him. He's worse if we've been somewhere or had someone round and his usual routine was interrupted.
And the noise is constant. I know everyone says that about their children but he seriously makes noise all the time. If he's not speaking continuously (his language is very advanced for his age but when he's walking around a lot of it doesn't really make sense; it's more like a stream of consciousness than actual conversation/information), then he's 'verbal stimming' where he'll make various noises (humming one note in short bursts over and over, making a 'brrrr' noise with his lips, cackling, screaming, shouting sounds, babbling) or just hitting/banging things. He'll also randomly scream in his brother's face a lot.
I try to do things with him (drawing, painting, Playdough, making train tracks) but once it's set up he doesn't really like actually playing with things so they don't tend to hold his attention very long. He likes going outside but we're living with my parents at the moment and they have a huge garden (with ponds and concrete steps etc.) so trying to keep him and his brother together and safe is quite exhausting.
I also don't want to do anything that might prompt a meltdown (yesterday he screamed for about 20 minutes and ended up making himself sick because I told him the guy who trimmed my parents' hedge last week was on holiday).
I feel like a shit mum but I don't know how else to get through the day sometimes other than sticking him in front of the TV/a laptop. Although, to be honest, that's no guarantee. I try to limit it more to when his brother's napping but it's not always the case (his brother can be hard work, too, and has decided to start climbing anything and everything so I spend a lot of time trying to move furniture and get him off of tables/chairs/shelves).
I'm sorry it's so long. AIBU to stick DS1 in front of a screen half the day?