To put my ten year old in pull ups?

[trashcanjunkie]

He's a sporadic bedwetter. Has never gone more than a few weeks/month without wetting the bed. In September he has a residential trip with school for five nights. I think it's highly likely he'll wet. It seems to happen in spurts, so the first week of the holidays he wet every night. When he's at his dad's, they wake him for a wee at midnight. He thinks this helps, but I'm not convinced and think it's bad to disturb his sleep. I suggested he goes into pull ups for the trip. I think they're discreet enough under baggy pjs and he can put them on in the toilet, (I'll stash them in his bathroom bag)

I mean, he can't possibly be the only child not dry at night can he? There must be discreet provision made? I'm actually starting to feel a bit ill for him. I'm literally awake now stressing about it. He's such a lovely boy, very tall for his age and very mature, but he feels totally betrayed by his body on this matter.

I've never ever made an issue of it. We use bedmats and it's really easy to manage. At his dad's there have been a few issues over the years with it. They seem to have sorted a strategy out that works for them.

I'm up for any alternative suggestions/hand holding/similar situations.....

I've a 9 year old bed wetter and when I talked to the teacher about it before the last residential she told that 2 other parents, out of a class of 20, had already been to see her about bed wetting so it's definitely not uncommon.

We have been under a paediatrician about it for some time and desmopressin has no affect at all and neither do the alarms. The only thing that works is taking to the toilet when we go to bed when we then get a dry night 6/7 nights a week.

Last residential we agreed on a onesie and pull up (year 4) and this residential in year 5 I'm going to ask the teacher to take to the toilet before they go to bed.

It's hormonal and for some children it doesn't kick in till puberty. My other two have both been night dry since 2.5.

ExBil is a trauma surgeon. The info from him came second hand to me through ex partner. And the friend who is a nurse.... Well, I suppose I trusted their opinions and neither seemed overly phased about it.

I'm really glad I started the thread. It's reassuring to read many other experiences from people who've been through the same. I've made an appointment at the gp for a week Monday to see what the options are for us.

YANBU. I am a Cub leader and we always have bedwetters; in fact we have had children who have been dry at night from the age of 4 who wet due to the stress of new situations. On the last cub camp we had a boy who's mum hadn't informed us about bedwetting but whom very casually and sensibly exited his tent with his pull up and asked us where he should put it. We were very proud that he was able to come to us and was not too embarrassed.

I usually advise the parents of cubs to pin pyjama pants into pyjamas for overnight stays but I also love the idea of a onesie as that adds extra protection. Certainly tell the teachers and see if one of them can store and help to dispose of the pants after use. It must be really frustrating for your DS but please reassure him that it won't happen forever.

For those saying it's not a common problem, YABU. It may not be "common" at the age of 10 but that should not deny a child the chance to go on a residential trip or to have provisions made for them.

I have a 10-year-old bed-wetter too. Took him to the GP when he was 6. Got private referral. The paediatrician told me that we could try desmomelts and/or the alarm but really, it is mostly about growing out of it. We tried the desmomelts but they had no effect whatsoever.

So we decided to play the waiting game. We have also got to the point of getting through the night dry as long as we wake him up to go to the loo around 11pm.

He goes to sleepovers and residentials and, amazingly, has never wet there. At last year's residential I asked the teacher to take him to the loo at 11-ish but he told me after that DS was impossible to wake. Apparently, there are two others in his class too.

I might try the alarm next school holiday but given that it takes me several minutes of shaking him to wake him up, I am afraid that the alarm would wake everyone else in the house but him.

Basically, yes, take him to the GP but I don't think your friends were too far wrong - there are things you can try but they only sometimes work, in my experience.

Good luck!

Non, with deep sleepers the alarm does wake others in the house to start with, then the parent goes in - lights on, clapping, noise, shaking, and wakes the wetter. Eventually the deep sleeper recognizes subconsciously that isn't very pleasant, and reacts to the alarm noise/ vibration themselves. And then, theoretically, recognizes the need to pee as they don't want the alarm to come on and ergo learns to get up and use the toilet instead of wetting.

Waking others in the house is very useful (after all, enuresis alarms are designed to help deep sleepers lol) and it is all explained in the manual. For anyone who has been recommended to use an enuresis alarm, I like maslen alarms - they have multiple tones (so that deep sleepers can't literally zone the alarm noise out) and also a vibration feature, so that when it is clipped to your pj shirt, you get a secondary feature to aid waking. It is also worth considering whether a child is likely to unplug (and therefore if wireless is more useful...) before they go to sleep - or even unconsciously at the first hint of an alarm...

But to be worried about others waking is counter-productive. Others need to wake in order to help the deep sleeper.........

It took two weeks for dd1 with an alarm. After that, completely dry. Not wet since. (Desmo didn't work for her either).

Desmo only works for those with hormone non-production, it doesn't help deep sleepers (the two very basic causes of bed wetting). Deep sleepers need alarms. Sometimes, kids have both issues and need both. And yes, there are the odd kids (like ds1) for which neither works. Sigh. But most kids do respond to one or the other, depending on the cause.

Madwoman, thank you very much for the info. I will probably try the alarm, perhaps in the Christmas holiday. Need some time to motivate myself and persuade him too. I would have gone with it earlier but I think has to want to do it and he is really not keen. Also, he shares a room with his sister (who was dry day and night by 18 months!!!) and I feel it would be quite unfair on her. Alas, I think we have to try.

Thanks for the alarm recommendation too, I will look for this type.

I have a ten year old occasional bedwetter & have not used pull ups for residentials. I did have a discreet word with the teachers. He has never wet the bed while away.

He tends to wet when he hasn't been to the toilet last thing at night, or has had a big drink at night. He sleeps very deeply. I remind him before he goes away to make sure he does a wee right before going to sleep - touch wood it's worked.

I also wonder - if I have been waking him up to wee for over a year at the same time ( which we have established is just before the time he tends to wet the bed) and he has not got used to waking up on his own, then why would an alarm work any better?

UrethraFranklin1 - fair point. I remember reading that during my research before allowing DD to take it.

OP - keep communicating about the issue. There are lots of us parents out there who are dealing with this with their non-infant children.

What's your DS's fluid consumption like?

unfortunately for my dc, it both did not work and yet caused stomach aches! It does work well for many though without a problem.

Firstly poor little guy. Secondly it's more common than some people seem to think. two of my siblings wet the bed until they were teenagers. Nothing medical found, they were just very deep sleepers who didn't wake! So please don't feel bad for not rushing him down the Dr.

I've not taken my ten year old to the doctors. The instances are decreasing slowly, he'll get there. Deep sleeping is an advantage in our house (his eldest brother can be very noisy at night & he's rarely disturbed whereas ds2 is woken all the time) so I'm not sure it's something I'd want to train him out of.

Not that there's anything wrong with going to the doctors - just don't feel guilty about not having done it.

I don't think its as common as you think op (sorry!), I ran a brownie pack for years (age 7-10) and took 30 girls away for pack holiday twice a year and I never had any wet the bed or need to wear pull ups overnight.
As the parent of a former bedwetter, I can guarantee that you did, but you weren't aware of it. My child (as with many others) was perfectly able to deal with accidents independently.
It is definitely more common than you realise.

Our school does a Year 6 PGL residential trip (so that's 10/11 year olds).
At the parents information meetings, the teachers stress the importance of letting them know in advance if your child is likely to have bed wetting issues, as they can then deal with it discreetly.
It actually is fairly common.

I am shocked at the ignorance of some people here, this child is normal but has a slight problem that can and will be fixed. I had a child that wet till he was 9. We had gone for help but was told to wait till he wanted help. He started using the alarm at the age of 9 and within 4 weeks he was dry and has never wet again. I spoke to numerous consultants about this and it is in fact a lot more common than you may think, because of he reaction/ like on here some people don't talk about it in case they get ridiculed. It is in fact due mainly to a hormone which is why almost 100% of children will be dry by the time they start puberty. I was a bed wetter and so was my husband, there is nothing worse than people thinking you are stupid because you can't stop yourself wetting the bed. My advice would be to not allow the trip as it may cause a bad reaction if kids were to see the pull up. Tell your child you will get him sorted by visiting a doctor. Bed wetting alarms are free and do work, medication for this has very serious side effects, some of which I wouldn't chance with my own child, but some may see it as fine. Best of luck op.

Oh dear. A trauma surgeon conveying information about promoting continence in a child. Did he suggest using a hammer? Seriously, actually go see someone. If he's managing periods of dry nights, then a final push should be able to get this sorted...and it is worth so much to get it sorted before secondary school.

Do have a look at the eric website, which has gots lots of useful resources. And your GP should be able to refer you on to a children's continence service (often nurse run, though in some areas it's the paediatricians' role).

In the meantime, do make sure he's drinking really really well (no fizzy/fresh orange) in the day, as it's so easy to start restricting them in the evening to try to help the nights, and then find they're actually dehydrated with strong urine which irritates the bladder. And also if they're not drinking enough to make big volumes of urine in the day, they don't have as much bladder capacity to get through the night. Make sure he's not constipated, as that makes bladder control harder. And if he has phases of dry nights, and then wets again, then next time he's wetting (if you haven't already) catch a sample of wee so they can check he isn't getting infections - he probably isn't, but it isn't something you want to miss.

Good luck, you'lll get there....but you can probably get there rather faster with help!

Wanders of muttering about bloody trauma surgeons

Can I just add to what others are saying and reassure you that the school will have dealt with bed wetting before and will certainly have strategies to deal with it discretely. Pajama pants will be ideal to help your son manage this himself and they are very hard to spot under a onesie. It is helpful but not essential if your son can talk to the friends in his room about it. I often takes groups of 80 - 90 13 year olds away and there is usually at least one bed wetter in the group so it's not common but not unheard of either and certainly not a reason to miss the trip.

go to a GP.
please.

Hexbramble he drinks a good amount during the day, usually water. He'll have an large glass at mealtimes plus several more at the sink after he's been playing out, or whatever. I'm really wary of reducing fluids at bedtimes, but I don't offer drinks after six pm like I do in the daytime. Sometimes he has warm milk before bed. I can't say that it's made a blind bit of difference whether he wets or not.

Broomy thank you, that kind of comment really helps! I'm sure he will just grow out of it in time.

Beyourbest what on earth are you thinking? To not allow him to go on a trip that his entire cohort are going on? Plus he's a twin, so I'm either to keep him home or both of them? It would utterly destroy him. It's a moot point anyhow, as he wants to go, I wouldn't dream of stopping him and I'm pretty damn sure it's not that unusual and there will be a way of him managing it, albeit with some discreet help from staff.

A large baggy pair of pjs will more than cover the pull up, or as others have suggested, a onesie - and he's very private about his body anyway, so getting changed for bed would be done in the bathroom anyway. As long as there's somewhere he can ditch a soggy pull up if needs be, surely there's no need for him to miss out.... The residential is a huge part of their year six experience, and he's looked forward to it for years....

Calmyourself - I've made an appointment for the earliest I can with the gp for a week on Monday.

Nocoolnames the hammer comment made me snigger. Exp and exBIL can be very pretentious at times.

He has had a few weeks dry, then returns to being wet for a few nights on the trot, then dry again for several days or weeks. I think we'll start a diary, and see exactly when it's happening. He's a very regular poo-er. I know this as we have a small flat, and he's in there on a daily basis, doing the business. Perhaps unsurprisingly the dc often poo one after another... Makes sense as they eat the same food at the same time. Often when I'm running a bath actually. The bastards.

I don't stock fizzy drinks, we just have water or occasionally fresh juice with breakfast, or milk, but he mainly drinks water. I don't know what he drinks at his dad's, possibly squash, but I think water. I spoke to his stepmum today and she said he's wet once this week (we have them a week at a time over the summer holidays) and that lifting him at midnight makes no difference.

In Australia the bed alarm is considered the most effective treatment with 70-80 percent success rate but it's only worthwhile if the child is motivated.
I wouldn't personally discount the medication option for camp though just because it's not effective for some children. It's important not to drink excessively after taking it as its synthetic anti-diuretic hormone (so helps to concentrate the urine) but it's generally well tolerated and effective. Probably worthwhile trialling it before he goes to get the dose right.

I said that as my son has been there and has the tshirt!!! He went on a trip with a pull up under pjs and it didn't go unnoticed as the kids were messing and one could hear his pull up making a noise, the kids had a field day and my son came back cursing me for allowing this to happen. If you don't mind taking that risk that's fine. I just think it is a awful thing to go through and it took my son a long time to fit in and get over this. If you feel it's worth the risk and if your child does get seen with a pull up and is ridiculed then so be it. As you have seen by the responses here people just make fun of is, awful as that is as I've been through it myself, can you not tell these kids that slag and jeer and bully are kids of adults that probably do the same so they think nothing of it, in a ideal world people wouldn't look down on a problem someone else has but in reality they do which is sad IMO. Look I know what your going through and its a hard decision to make. Best of luck.

Hmmm I see why you had the thoughts beyourbest. I think the situation is different for us. I think it would be very unfair to pull out at this stage. It's fully booked and he's really excited about it. The whole year group is going! My son has a lovely peer group. The school certainly don't tolerate stuff like you sadly experienced. A child pooed themselves in his class before and they were all incredibly sensitive about it. My worry is more about ds getting stressed about it and his feelings, rather than what his very close friends would say or do. I honestly don't think they'd give a shit. They've known each other since playgroup and I know the parents who are all lovely.

He's extremely motivated to be dry, so we'll see what's available alarm wise and crack on from there. The thing is though, I still think a belt and braces approach is better. I'll see if the doctor and teachers can shed light on strategies and meds

I didn't go with the pull up idea - actually I did suggest it but DH said 'no way it will be noticed'. I also felt ds3 would be ashamed - he hasn't worn a nappy in years.

When ds1 was bed wetting (on purpose - long story) twice a night - we used kylies - he wouldn't keep a nappy on anyway. The more absorbant ones are brilliant -might be something to think about, after a chat to the staff? They do make it all more discreet & easier to cope with the bed.

In ds3's case - he's been on 3 residentials now - his school love them- a reminder to think through bedtime seems to work. But he does sound as if his wetting is occurring a little less often than your sons.

Do tip off the staff. I was reassured they would cope - and I told ds3 to tell them discreetly if anything happened.

A diary is a great idea. Maybe note what he drinks in the evenings before.