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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I wrong?

100 replies

Ballpitintheway · 12/08/2015 22:00

Nc for this one sorry

Dh is at work, eldest dc at a campout tonight, and dts (18 months) tucked up in bed, fast asleep. Both dts sleep through, rarely wake, and are in separate cots, so safe and contained.

Realised about half an hour ago I'd run out of milk, so had to nip to the shop to grab some. Now, the shop is literally at the end of my drive. Out the back door, along the path (12 feet ish), through the gate, down the drive, and I'm at the shop. I can see part of the house from the shop door (but not the till). The shop is so close that the baby monitor still works with picture and sound at the back of the shop, and is definitely closer than my garden.

Babies asleep, so I grabbed money and baby monitor, ran to the shop, grabbed the milk, paid, and came back home. Was away less than 2 minutes, and could see and hear dts at all times via the monitor. Heard the phone ring too.

Came home, did 1471, called friend back. She asked where I'd been, I said I'd gone to the shop. She proceeded to give me a proper lecture over how dangerous, irresponsible, etc etc I'd been, and how lucky I was that nothing happened.

Wtf? Was I really being irresponsible? I need milk for dts for breakfast, and honestly can't see that I put dts in any danger at all - the only way into the house was past the shop, all other doors are locked, they're probably more likely to come to harm when I'm in the shower!

Friend has told me that she's too angry to explain anything, but I'm honestly confused. If I did wrong, I'll certainly not do it again, but did I?

OP posts:

Garlick · 13/08/2015 02:23

I'm loving all the very sensible posts by people with enormous houses & gardens. The only way to shut your friend up, Ball, is clearly to buy the shop and the drive. Then you'll still be on your own land, so you can go as often as you like without fear of reprobation.

The cheaper option would be a small fib.

bobsbusy · 13/08/2015 05:34

Yabu because if you trip over or a freak accident where to happen no body will know that you have left your babies home alone.

Shukran008 · 13/08/2015 05:49

Bobsbusy if i found op collapsed with a baby monitor in her hand I'm sure I'd figure it out. I'd put money on the shopkeeper knowing that she lives right next door too.

I'd have done it op.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/08/2015 05:49

Yanbu

You weighed up the risks and they were so non existent it was the right thing to do.

As pp have said, I would have been further away in parts of my garden.

sausagepoo · 13/08/2015 06:38

The collapsed and died argument is pants - in fact, surely if you collapsed and died in a shop (or on the road outside your house) the child is far more likely to be found? As in bobbies around to next of kin, neighbours screaming in panic etc - if you collapse and die at home, it could be days before anyone comes to your house.

Booboostwo · 13/08/2015 06:47

What you did was fine, the monitor even worked FFS. Your friend is being a drama queen. I go greater distances on the farm to get to the horses, the monitor still works so I leg it back when the baby wakes up.

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 13/08/2015 06:50

bobs she could have had a freak accident or collapsed AT HOME and no-one would know that she her baby was alone at home either!

milkandmarmite · 13/08/2015 06:51

The argument no one would know the children where at home if there was a freak accident is unlikely. I'm sure they'd hear/see the baby monitor & track them down. Shop owner most likely to know who lives next door to the shop...

Whenwillwe3meetagain · 13/08/2015 07:03

I'm the same distance from the shop
and have done this too-no big deal. Just double check I have the keys etc. have also moved the car across the road when a space becomes free.

LazyLouLou · 13/08/2015 07:14

Tell you friend it wasn't anger that made her unable to explain her point of view, it was sheer drama llama hysteria. Shortest sentence = stop being so bloody ridiculous

YANBU, don't let anyone persuade you otherwise!

Pengweng · 13/08/2015 07:27

I would be more worried something would happen to me, knocked down, attacked/mugged etc and that no one would know I'd left the DT's (mine are 3) in the house.
I have to cross one road to get to my nearest shop and I have been tempted when they have been down for a nap to nip out for milk as i know how bloody annoying it is to get them both ready and out and what would take me 3 mins turns into a an hour long affair.
I wouldn't have done it but I understand why in your circumstances (ie. you could see your house and monitor still worked) you did and I certainly wouldn't shout at you down the phone about it. I'd have been pissed off with said friend for ringing after 9pm

throckenholt · 13/08/2015 07:28

I would have not told friend I was in the shop - I would have said I got to the phone just after you rang off. Why did she need to know where you were ? You could have been in the garden, or the loo, or just feeling lazy and not want to jump up and answer the phone. Or even dealing with one of your children.

In your situation, I might have nipped to the shop, or I might have waited til morning and taken them all to the shop before breakfast. But I have just read your bit about the shop opening at 8 and twins opening at 6 ! Having twins myself, I would now change my mind and say, yes I would go get the milk :)

featherandblack · 13/08/2015 07:41

What's all this 'if you lived in a mansion' business? If you lived in a mansion, you simply wouldn't go to an area of it where you couldn't hear your children, whether that's on the monitor or in person. You would not sit ensconced in a remote part of it and think 'this is fine because I haven't left the house'.

That said, YANBU, definitely.I would have done this for a chocolate bar without a second thought.

Bakeoffcake · 13/08/2015 07:42

Yanbu.

If you had collapsed with a heart attack, people would notice the baby monitor and would know the DC were by themselves. Plus the fact you said you live in a village, so everyone would know where you live and that you have DC, so they'd be in your house checking on the babies very quickly.

YeOldeTrout · 13/08/2015 08:29

The only way to shut your friend up, Ball, is clearly to buy the shop and the drive. Then you'll still be on your own land

LOL@ ^

PeppaWellington · 13/08/2015 08:43

I would never do this but from the sounds of it, the shop is very very close, so YANBU.

I know someone who left the baby asleep and drove (3min) to the shop for cigarettes and I judged her seven ways till Sunday. I know people who leave their children asleep and take the baby monitor to the pub a few doors down (up go my judgy pants again)

But it sounds like the shop is within a 100 yards or so of your home so I couldn't get worked up about that and I think your friend is being a bit alarmist and should chill the fuck out.

marinacortina · 13/08/2015 11:33

It's not safe to be in sole charge of a baby in your own home, is it?
Because if something happened to you that rendered you incapable or unconscious, nobody would be aware. Do the pearl-clutchers make sure there are at least two responsible people present at all times?

For those worrying about nipping out for a couple of minutes as OP describes, you could always write your address on a piece of paper with a note saying "If I drop dead please look after my baby". Clutch that in your hand while you're off your premises. Sorted.

UrethraFranklin1 · 13/08/2015 11:38

you simply wouldn't go to an area of it where you couldn't hear your children, whether that's on the monitor or in person. You would not sit ensconced in a remote part of it and think 'this is fine because I haven't left the house'.

Of course you would, or might. You dont sit in your house thinking "hmm, I won't go and clean that bathroom because it's not within 100 yards of the sleeping children". Children don't spontaneously combust if you can't see or hear them ever second of the day and night!

marinacortina · 13/08/2015 11:45

If I had a house with a bathroom that far away, I sure wouldn't be cleaning it myself

ILiveOnABuildsite · 13/08/2015 12:18

Oh I'd have done it in a heartbeat but the more I read on here the more I'm coming to the conclusion that I must be the most reckless mother on the planet. I won't give examples, I'd be shot down in flames. Op for what it's worth I think you were fine and I don't judge you at all.

marinacortina · 13/08/2015 12:25

Still nobody has explained what they fear might have happened.

OP being taken ill or having an accident is no more likely to happen outside than inside the house, and would attract help more quickly if outside. So that's not a valid argument.

So what's the danger?

TerryTheGreenHorse · 13/08/2015 12:28

That sounds absolutely fine to me.

I would rather have milk in for the morning for their breakfast than have to hoick them down to the shop. I think someone needs to runs through the statistics becasue surely there is more of a minuscule risk of having an accident taking twins to a shop than you running over when they are tucked up in bed, BEING WATCHED ON A COCKING MONITOR the whole time.

Peacheykeen · 13/08/2015 12:31

I don't see a problem I've been further away hanging washing out or when I had to take a parcel to a neighbour that I had signed for. Your friend is being a bit dramatic

spritefairy · 13/08/2015 12:32

Hmm ill probably get flamed for this but here goes.
I have popped across the road for a bbq when my children were in bed. I had the monitor and it worked lovely.
My sister in law was in the house at the time though she was not babysitting (we house share)
I hummed and haahed for a long time but in the end I decided to risk it. My kids once asleep don't wake up so the monitor was more safety than anything. Was I wrong? Probably. Would I do it again? Probably.

LazyLohan · 13/08/2015 12:35

I wouldn't do it personally, but like pretty much everyone else I wouldn't have any issue with someone else doing it.

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