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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel overwhelmed having house guests

54 replies

saltnpepa · 12/08/2015 19:55

I don't mind cleaning up after them or cooking or even preparing their room or doing the laundry but I just have having people stay in the house. I am a sociable person and really quite gregarious but I like to socialise in small bursts and very much on my terms I realise Blush I get to that point where I want to withdraw and have a bit of peace and they're still here, for days on end! I find it difficult to sleep with other people in the house and can't really relax. So here I am counting down the days until they go and these are people I love! I'm wondering if I've got a problem with proximity, it's almost as if I need a distance, or an escape route and when people stay in the house I feel a bit trapped with them. Am I a nutter or is anyone else the same?

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 12/08/2015 19:57

i'm the same. just reading your post gave me the heebie jeebies.

LongHardStare · 12/08/2015 19:59

Sounds like you're inviting people for too long.

Even the loveliest people I'd be happy with two nights max.

Exception would be if they didn't behave like guests and were crashing at mine as a favour - i.e. come prepared to cook, clean and had their own plans which involved being out a lot...

Original poster
saltnpepa · 12/08/2015 20:01

eddie do you have people come to stay or just avoid it? If so how the hell do you manage? I'm getting worse about this as I get older and am trying to find a way to get through the next few days.

OP posts:
DXBMermaid · 12/08/2015 20:04

Nope you are not a nutter. I am en expat so often have house guests, actually my Mum is here as we speak. DH had to fly home for a family emergency and she is here to help me with DD as I am 37weeks pregnant and just in case I go into early labour.

I love having my parents come to stay, but even with them we have a 2 week maximum. They are really hands on and are fantastic with my DD and don't need constant entertaining or cleaning up after. They do things on their own as well and will do groceries, cook etc so basically they are the perfect guests. But, and this is a big but for me, after about 10-14 days I just feel the need to be alone again. To not have to think about extra people.

It costs a lot of energy to have even the loveliest of guests so I do understand how you feel and it is not strange at all. Thanks

Amy106 · 12/08/2015 20:04

I have felt this way so many times myself. It is not unreasonable to want your own space and some peace and quiet. Here's some Wine and Flowers for you. Hope it's over soon!

ovenchips · 12/08/2015 20:09

I think it's just because you're an introvert. Introverts enjoy socialising but to 'recharge their batteries' need to have a bit of time to themselves. Extroverts recharge by being in company and don't need the alone time. House guests=no time to recharge.

I'm exactly the sameSmile

CupboardOfLoveliness · 12/08/2015 20:11

I have someone for a night and that's it. Why do that to yourself and then wonder why you cant do it?

YABU to have them in the first place
YANBU to not want it

Hay135 · 12/08/2015 20:11

No I agree I am fine with friends staying overnight after a night out but when a friend came to stay for a week I was counting down the days until he went home. Hmm

LindyHemming · 12/08/2015 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cocobean2805 · 12/08/2015 20:17

I find it absolutely mentally exhausting having people to stay. I love the people who I have over, but I get so anxious, I want to make sure everything is perfect, that they have enough of everything, that they aren't hungry, thirsty, uncomfortable, that they are entertained. The cleaning beforehand, the preparation etc, I exhaust myself and I know I don't need to, which is the worst bit. YANBU or a nutter. Or if you are. Then I am U and a nutter too!

eddielizzard · 12/08/2015 20:18

i grit my teeth and get through it. i had my mil staying for NINE WEEKS last year. she would come and chatter away at 6.30am while i was enjoying my morning coffee - my only moment of solitude.

one trick - i make an arrangement that i have to be out of the house for such and such appointment, every couple of days for a couple of hours, if i can. and just head off and be on my own. that helps a lot. or step out to do a chore on my own.

i really feel for you. you're not alone.

LindyHemming · 12/08/2015 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Binit · 12/08/2015 20:21

I feel the same way. I need to retreat to my home and I can't cope when it is invaded. I am ok for a little bit, provided guests are not high maintenance or difficult!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 12/08/2015 20:22

I could only manage one night. I need my space and peace and I often don't want to make conversation.

cocobean2805 · 12/08/2015 20:28

Thinking about it though, my Dsis, who stays here probably 50% of the week now and lived here properly from January to June, and having her here is neither here nor there to me. Despite not living with her full time for probably the 5 years before that. She is as much part of the furniture though as the couch. But she's my Dsis, .couldn't do it with my BIL, I'd kill him.

Bonywasawarriorwayayix · 12/08/2015 20:29

I know exactly what you mean. DF has just visited for 2 days. Like me, he's happy to read rather than make conversation the whole time but it's SUCH a relief to have our space back.

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 12/08/2015 20:30

OP, you are so NBU.

Have a few nights where you retreat to bed early - watch a DVD or something. Perhaps your guests will thank you as it can be intense for them too.

Happy36 · 12/08/2015 20:31

Agree.

Make a stash in the bathroom with books, magazines, headphones, food, etc. and escape there when you need some private time.

HedgehogAtHome · 12/08/2015 20:32

This is why I love my Mam staying. She only comes for a few days and she helps out, plus she doesn't mind me going in the bath for an hour to relax. Plus when baby comes she's booking herself a hotel so as not to impose, without being asked bless her.

DH loves her too. She's the only family member he likes to invite to visit or stay.

Oly4 · 12/08/2015 20:32

I love having peope to stay! Though I agree after three nights I'm longing to just watch telly and chat. But don't be so miserly... Some people are desperately lonely and would love company. You're lucky!

perpetuallybewildered · 12/08/2015 20:36

None of my family live in the same country as I do so when they visit it's always for a few days and I find it such a strain. I'm exactly the same when I visit them, I'm so relieved when they/I leave, I just need time on my own.

CheezyBlasters · 12/08/2015 20:42

CupboardOfLovliness I think I love you. But also worry you have the cold heart of someone who would not end up in that position anyway. It is easy to sayhahahHahaahahyah

CupboardOfLoveliness · 12/08/2015 20:50

CupboardOfLovliness I think I love you. But also worry you have the cold heart of someone who would not end up in that position anyway. It is easy to sayhahahHahaahahyah

Err, ok then.

scarlets · 12/08/2015 20:53

I'm the same. Luckily, the people who stay with me, mainly ILs, are great (like your friends/family). They never stay for more than 3 nights, either. As you say, it's not the "work" it's the potential lack of downtime. I go to the gym at 7.30am three days per week - a routine I stick to when ILs are here because I like a bit of time alone.

nikki1978 · 12/08/2015 21:00

This is why I have 3 bedrooms and 2 kids. I hate houseguests but then I am an introvert and although I love to socialise when I am at home I like to be by myself or with my family. I hope time passes quickly for you!