Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel overwhelmed having house guests

54 replies

saltnpepa · 12/08/2015 19:55

I don't mind cleaning up after them or cooking or even preparing their room or doing the laundry but I just have having people stay in the house. I am a sociable person and really quite gregarious but I like to socialise in small bursts and very much on my terms I realise Blush I get to that point where I want to withdraw and have a bit of peace and they're still here, for days on end! I find it difficult to sleep with other people in the house and can't really relax. So here I am counting down the days until they go and these are people I love! I'm wondering if I've got a problem with proximity, it's almost as if I need a distance, or an escape route and when people stay in the house I feel a bit trapped with them. Am I a nutter or is anyone else the same?

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 13/08/2015 11:23

Totally get where you are coming from.

Only person I ever have to stay for more than 1 night is family and even then it's a strain. I want to go to bed when I want to and I find it really hard to be sociable night after night - I just want to veg when I get in from work.

Recently had MIL (who I like) to stay for a week. I couldn't get her to the airport fast enough when she left.

LilacWine7 · 13/08/2015 15:58

Me too! So relieved there are others who feel the same way about house-guests. I used to think it was lack of space when we lived in a small flat (I hated sharing a bathroom and having them sleep in living-room) but now we live in a house with a guest-room and guest-bathroom and I still find it stressful and overwhelming.

I love my friends but it's exhausting having them for a whole weekend. I can manage 2 nights but most people want to come for 3 nights or longer, and we had a couple earlier in the year who stayed 6nights!! DH is very sociable and extrovert and loves having guests. He thinks it's rude to ask guests which day they're leaving but I like to know the exact day and time so I can look forward to having the house to myself again Blush

I don't mind the preparation... I actually look forward to making the guest-room lovely and cosy, giving the house a deep-clean, getting special food in etc as long as it's not too often. I like cooking and trying out new recipes on people, and it's fun to do touristy stuff sometimes. I get pleasure from looking after people, putting fluffy towels and nice products in the guest-bathroom, arranging everything they might need. I just wish they wouldn't over-stay! One night would be ideal. 2 nights is tolerable. 3 nights I'm desperately wishing they'd leave. 4+ nights and DH and I start arguing (in whispers in bed) about why we have house-guests at all!! Sad

What I dislike is feeling 'on duty' all the time, not being able to relax, expected to be sociable and chatty and to entertain people 24/7. I don't like sharing my kitchen with guests and I hate people talking to me when I'm trying to prepare food. I also hate group breakfasts so I keep a stash of croissants in my bedroom, sneak into the kitchen early before they're up, make coffee and have breakfast in bedroom. Then I get showered, dressed and ready to start the day before facing them.

My favourite type of guests are those who are independent and relaxed, people who like to get up and make their own breakfast, who help load/unload the dishwasher, who go off on their own for a walk. I don't like needy guests who want constant attention or follow me around the house or insist on helping me cook when I've said no. Or those who want to play endless games of chess/scrabble/cards and insist we all watch films together.
I like it when DH's male friends visit without their wives, as DH is then responsible for entertaining them and I can dip in and out of socialising. They don't mind if I disappear to read my book for a few hours, and they take my word for it when I say I don't want help in the kitchen!!

My tips for coping with guests...
Put out breakfast things the night before (cereal, bread, cutlery, plates etc) and show them where the cold stuff is in the fridge and tell them to help themselves to breakfast as soon as they wake up. We still get some who wait for us but most take the hint!
Show them where the tea/coffee stuff is.
Try to pre-empt everything they might need or forget to bring. I hate trying to dig out spare toothbrushes late at night, rummage for aspirin or find extra bedding. And I dislike lending people my toiletries. So I always put a selection of pillows in the guest-room with an extra duvet, throw, lamp, bin, detachable blackout blind, hairdryer, extension for plug-socket, tissues, plus a drawer full of spare toiletries. I show them where the medicine-cabinet is and the spare keys to the front door, and write the wifi password on a bit of paper. And i make sure there are spare loo-rolls and towels in guest-bathroom. That way they can be self-sufficient.
Put leaflets re local attractions and maps of local walks somewhere accessible, to encourage them to go out for a bit!
If all else fails and I'm desperate for a break, I just say I have a headache and need to lie down for a few hours.

MrsJorahMormont · 13/08/2015 16:14

Yep, your visitors are staying too long. YANBU I need to hide a bit when we have visitors - and we get LOTS.

Iloveadrianmole · 13/08/2015 17:18

We live outside of the UK in a popular holiday destination. I've learnt after a few years to say no quite firmly to lots of potential visitors. If I'd had said yes to everyone who asked this year we would have had a house full of guests for the entire six week summer holiday and easter too.

As it is I currently have my mother and stepfather here - we are now into our third week and I'm beginning to feel a little bit stabby. They're going at the weekend which is a good thing as hearing my mother crunch her cereal for the umpteenth time this morning gave me the rage.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread