To feel overwhelmed having house guests

[saltnpepa]

I don't mind cleaning up after them or cooking or even preparing their room or doing the laundry but I just have having people stay in the house. I am a sociable person and really quite gregarious but I like to socialise in small bursts and very much on my terms I realise I get to that point where I want to withdraw and have a bit of peace and they're still here, for days on end! I find it difficult to sleep with other people in the house and can't really relax. So here I am counting down the days until they go and these are people I love! I'm wondering if I've got a problem with proximity, it's almost as if I need a distance, or an escape route and when people stay in the house I feel a bit trapped with them. Am I a nutter or is anyone else the same?

Yanbu, I really dislike having houseguests. Turns out I am a person of routine/rut n quite anti -social if over exposed to humans! Sad I suppose but there u go.

We have never had overnight guests. DH would hate it(unless it was his parents, possibly) and he has passed his anxiety onto me. I wouldn't like having people around all the time and have really struggled these last couple of weeks having endless visitors to me and new baby. Especially as they ALL stay too long.

Try having a house with an annexe in one of the most popular holiday places in the uk. People ask how long they can stay and use us as a free holiday.
One year we had people for 3 months of the year.
I've stopped inviting anyone now and we're moving to a smaller place.
It is exhausting and expensive to have House guests and I need my space.

We have people staying about four times a year I suppose, sometimes DH's family and sometimes our friends who live three hours drive away. They are all people I look forward to seeing and get on with, but I sometimes feel like a lot of you do and wondered if there was something wrong with me because of it, so it's reassuring to hear your views!

It's the following I struggle with -

Getting up in the morning and feeling instantly 'on duty' rather than coming to slowly with the aid of coffee like I usually do!

Preparing meals, (I love cooking so the practical aspect isn't the problem), but it's when someone is hovering behind you offering help (nice of them), and there isn't really anything you can give them to do. It's obvious that they're uncomfortable just sitting, watching or reading something, so you then kind of need to entertain again when you could do with concentrating on the cooking.

Feeling guilty if you check your phone or pick up a magazine, as you realise your visitor looks a bit awkward, so put it down and try and start up another conversation!

I love the trips out, meals together and the first day and night of genuine catching up, but seem to struggle a bit with the 'in-between times'. Maybe I'm a bit of an introvert like some of you, and just need those in-between times to recharge! I know it can be a bit awkward being a guest too, so I try and make guests feel at ease who stay with us!

OP I think you're totally normal - look up the book Quiet by Susan Cain or her Facebook page - loads of people feel the same way.

Carve out a bit of time for you to be alone, even if it's just retiring to bed early and crashing with a book/TV or something to get away for a bit.

I really struggle with house guests after 2 nights. I am outgoing, gregarious too. This weekend I went away for weekend with friends and had a ball but also loved my own time, I was secretly delighted to have to fly on my own. I was brought up to be independent and I wonder if that was OTT.

I agree, I also feel the same way when I am the guest, I can't ever truly relax when I'm staying at other people's homes.

I love having guests but hate the getting up in the morning for them. Creeping to the bathroom so you're dressed and washed when they wake up, making breakfast and lamenting your lack of a toast rack, the washing up afterwards, not being able to loll around and watch Homes Under the Hammer all morning. Awful.

YANBU! It gives me the heebies too. We have recently had (lovely) visitors but they stayed in a B&B and all we did was entertain them for the day and cook dinners etc and that was mentally exhausting enough.
I don't think you have a problem, also I am a massive extrovert and still find it stressful.

How many days to go OP?

And YY, nectar has it, it's the in between times, and I like the picking up the magazine thing. That's just it! Not being able to lie on the sofa or swear or pick your nose or any of those things we all do!

Why don't you show them the cupboards and where the cereal, bread is etc the night before and let them help themselves in the mornings? I have house guests/sleepovers every week and if anything I do less as my house guests get stuck in with helping out/ preparing dinner/making brownies etc.

So much more fun if it's a joint effort rather than one host trying to do it all. I love having house guests and it is because we are relaxed people are aways coming back and treat our home as a home and not as a hotel, I think that is the secret :)

I'm exactly the same. I am always open to the idea of guests, have had loads of people to stay over the years and go out my way to be the best hostess I can be.

But if they are there for more than 24 hours I have to sneak off and have some down time for at least two or three hours a day because I can't cope with the relentless expectation for interaction.

I need at least some space and privacy each or I start to go a little bit nuts.

Thank God it's not just me. We've had back-to-back guests for the last 4 weeks, with another 2 weeks to go. All family, all loved, but it is driving me CRAZY. Unfortunately because I'm an expat we will always end up having guests for fairly extended periods, but never again will we agree to have so many in one stretch.

Ironic timing, just found out that DH has invited his mate to stay for a few days while he is in our city for a work related conference. I wouldn't mind but we had another guest this past weekend also for a work conference. We live in a small one bed/one bath apartment currently so just one overnight guest means our small apartment becomes REALLY small for a few days. I don't know why dh's friend has to stay with us, he's self employed but he is absolutely loaded (as in multiple millions through family wealth). He can afford to stay at stay at the four seasons and spend the equivalent of a months rent on a few nights there but no, he's going to sleep on our couch in our cramped, hot apartment. I'm probably just annoyed about it because this guy is a complete snob and will likely spend his time making backhanded compliments about my cooking.

I got up at 5am this morning to try and get a couple of hours to myself before they get up. I wondered if there is something wrong with me that I dislike it so much but maybe it's another one of those things that lots of people pretend to be ok with. Maybe it is something to do with being independent, I am sociable and like being with people but don't seem to need people around me all the time. I don't like having days on end mapped out with activities with the same people, I might want to do my own thing or slob about. Not long to go!

You're not alone. We are expats, living in a popular holiday destination and we have a big place, with a spare room and guest bathroom.

I actually get a feeling of dread when people say 'oh we're thinking of coming out and visiting you at next month!' even though on the surface I'm all 'lovely idea! You know you are always welcome!' to stay in a hotel that I am more than happy to recommend

I hate waking up in the morning and knowing that there are people just the other side of the wall. I hate having to close the bedroom/bathroom door. I hate not being able to lie on the sofa in my knickers watching Eastenders. I hate feeling that I have to keep the house clean and tidy and the fridge full of lovely things. I hate feeling pressured to recommend and go out to 'amazing restaurants', 'cool bars', 'beautiful beaches'. I hate having to sit up every night being sociable, when I really want to go to bed at 8pm with a packet of Hob Nobs and watch Netflix.

I love having people over for dinner, but once we've finished eating and everything has been cleared away, I must admit that I'm always thinking 'ok, time for you to leave now' and cringe inwardly when DH offers another glass of wine, coffee etc.

Me too! I am an introvert. I do like sociaising but only on my own terms and find guests mentally draining. Someone upthread said 'the expectation of constant interaction'. Sums up my feelings exactly. I wish I was different but hey... Sympathy OP.

I think it's just because you're an introvert. Introverts enjoy socialising but to 'recharge their batteries' need to have a bit of time to themselves. Extroverts recharge by being in company and don't need the alone time. House guests=no time to recharge.

This is true, but not many people sit at the extreme ends of the scale. Even those with extrovert tendencies may need to recharge alone, for example.

I'm a house guest right now. It's our last full day of 6. We are welcome any time. My friend always tells us to come when we want and stay as long as we want. She genuinely means it. We do things around the house, put out washing, shop, cook etc and make ourselves scarce during the day. In the evening if our hosts are tired they will take themselves off to bed. When we were here last, my friend was I'll in bed for a week. We cooked the evening meal. Took warm drinks in for her. Saw to the washing etc

I have a much smaller house. I don't get many overnight guests . This year we've had one stay for a week. It was lovely but I hate just having one bathroom. Two bathrooms and people could stay more often.

I feel exactly the same op. I' a very sociable person in general but I don't enjoy having houseguests unless they are very, very close friends. I have friends who host almost constantly in the summer and I so admire them. I couldn't do it so have just accepted it in myself now. Equally I don't really like staying with other people either unless we are very close.

My Mum, step dad, sister and her boyfriend are here to stay. I have a thread about how stressful it has been so far. I certainly feel your pain OP

Bring on Monday!

I find it hilarious that there are so many articles in papers and magazines where people say ' we love to entertain'. 'We have an enormous dining room table that seats 70 because we always have a house full of people'. 'Christmas is so busy because everyone comes to us.' Gits. Stay the fuck away, is what I think.

Oh god, I am exactly the same!!!

I like socialising, nights out, dinners out, parties but I'm afraid I hate having house guests for a period longer than a day or 2. I need time to myself to think and breathe and I find it incredibly suffocating!

I was going to start a similar thread. So glad it's not just me.

My mother wants to help with childcare but it would mean her staying 2 nights a week. Would save us a lot of money, but we've tied it before and I just can't do it.

SIL stayed for 3 weeks over Easter. I felt claustrophobic and anxious most of the time.

DH family all abroad and starting to plan visit for next summer. I've said 2 weeks is limit and he must take those full 2 weeks off. Thing is, they don't know yet that we will have a second dc then, so I just know we are going to have more people than I can cope with.

He says its family, you just have to put up with the noise and overcrowding for a couple of weeks- it's just what you do.

Sigh.

I totally agree! we are in the situation now that we have had ILs staying last week and this week and as much as I love them and need them (they have been looking after the DCs) I just would love to get some peace and quiet and my own space ;-)