To still be letting this bother me slightly and find it really rude?!

[Lj8893]

A wedding one, sorry!

I got married last month, a few guests let me know last minute (within the week of the wedding) that they couldn't make it for whatever reason.

3 people (not connected) just didn't show, didn't let me know and haven't said anything since. Not even a congratulations. At the time I was far too busy and wrapped up in the wedding and honeymoon and aftermath etc. but it's still bothering me a bit!

Aibu to think that's really rude and not the done thing? Or am I being precious?

I really want to say something but feel it's too late now.

Some people are rude as fuck. My cousin was apparently visiting for my hen weekend, she had apparently booked flights. I scrubbed the house, got food in, texted her as to what time her flight got in so I could pick her up from the airport - nothing. She just didn't come, no explanation, in fact she never mentioned it again.

At my wedding she didn't bring a gift, fine, I don't expect them, but she said she had it in her hotel room, then she said she'd post it, then I'd get it when I came to see her at Christmas. Still waiting and I've been married almost six years

Lilmiss - that's completely different. I had a friend ring me one day before to say she couldn't come as she was in early labour - obviously no problem at all!!! And even at that short notice we were able to put a couple of bums on those spare seats (asking people we knew wouldn't be offended to be last minute additions). Just send a message. No-one would expect you to go.

OP - the no shows are incredibly rude - do you have a mutual friend who could find out what happened with beach lady. I'd just be very curious! Maybe she forgot!!

Mutual friends (who came to the wedding) messaged her a couple of times leading up to the wedding arranging transport etc but she was very flakey/vaque as to weather she was going or not so they just left it.

Oh maybe she was planning not to go but is one of those who doesn't know how to decline an invitation because they feel rude. Then end up being ruder.

I didn't invite a friend who had a very controlling bullying boyfriend who made her very unreliable because he'd just prevent her going somewhere at the last minute. He did it repeatedly & she was unable to tell him to sling his hook for whatever reason. I'd only just met up With her again after a ten year break (& had seen her boyfriend make her leave a wedding very publically half way through the reception).

So maybe she (they?) has an awful controlling partner? Just putting another understandable reason iput there alongside the more likely she's a rude cow. They're probably all just rude though.

Yes, definitely bad manners and NBU to be bothered slightly, but it's shown where your friends lie, so I'd be inclined to take it no further....the removing you from Facebook stuff is childish, I'm quite sure you have plenty of better, truer friends, who warrant you time and affection. Remain polite but distant, don't let them spoil you newly married happiness!

FWIW, friends of mine married a few years ago and invited a couple who, having not turned up at the wedding, texted during the reception to say sorry, something had come up so they wouldn't be there, but were later spotted on Facebook, out with another group of people.... To add insult to injury they sent a card in the post, containing a gift of a cheque......which promptly bounced!

Yanbu at all. So bloody rude! This happened to us too, we got married two weeks ago today and I'm still cross that so many people just didn't bother to turn up. A few family members didn't show up. DH invited 7 work colleagues plus partners, all RSVP'd yes and only 2 came minus partners, and what stings a little bit is the fact that this same group all made the effort to get out of town for a different colleagues wedding a few years ago! Our wedding was in town. He also invited about 6-7 friends plus partners and children welcome, all said yes, none turned up thankfully we just had a buffet rather than a sit down meal. But even so, we still bought enough food for 120 people and only around 80 people were there

Lilmissconcerned Good luck with your OP. You situation is different though, you intend to let her know. There were some unable to come (quite a few!) to a colleagues wedding because they had noro, no one would be angry at that surely?

Op did you invite her partner? It fucks me off no end getting invited to weddings, as an adult in my 30s with no plus one.

I get that someone may be annoyed by that but you'd have to be very petty to agree to come and then ignore and be a no-show when someone's gone to the expense of inviting you? I'd just decline.

She is part of a group of friends, of which I know none of their partners (due to the situation of our friendship group) so no I didn't invite any of their partners. Another member of our group got married a few weeks previous to me and didn't invite any of our partners and she didn't have an issue going to that wedding.

We also had two no-shows to our wedding last year - a friend of Dh's who he was very close to in work and her Dh. Not that it should make a difference but she was a lady in her early 60's, not a flighty 20 year old iyswim.

Dh left the workplace they shared a month or so before the wedding (after RSVPs) but was still in contact and texted a couple of times before.

On the day, Dh was so worried he spent half an hour trying to reach her - he thought she must have been in a terrible accident or something.

DH never heared from her again (now 14 months). She is definitely alive and well too as Dh found out from mutual friends.

Dh has got over it, I still feel myself getting worked up over it now though. I'd struggle to mind my tongue if I ever bumped into her.

I am astonished that so many people have experienced no shows. People are really rude!

We had a 24 hours beforehand cancellation and that was bad enough!

LiquidAshTree great advice, it's so true. I've had some bereavements and really happy occasions so far and I was surprised who came through in the end.

We had two no-shows at our wedding. He was a 'friend' of DHs (and his partner) who he'd known since they were both teens. Half way through our honeymoon, DH took a call from him; he expressed shock that we were abroad as he didn't know we were going away. DH said its was our honeymoon. After a pause, he claimed to have completely forgotten we were getting married. He'd only been at DH's stag do the week before. Arse.

I was cross at the time and for a while after but got over it. Your wedding day is such an important day that you assume that your friends and family appreciate that so it's tough when it's clear they don't! Unfortunately, some people are just rude, thoughtless or both.

A very good friend of DH's was a no show for a mutual friend's wedding having got the day wrong. Called him after he missed the ceremony and he managed to make it for the albeit now cold main course. He has form. He also turned up at another mutual friend's wedding abroad having not sorted any accommodation so basically had to bunk down in the attic of the venue! He ALSO thought the wedding party were staying the week after the wedding whereas they'd stayed the week before. His flight home wasn't till x days later but everyone left the venue the day after the wedding. I think he did some sightseeing while travelling back to England via God knows where killing time before his flight! He is unmarried unsurprisingly given how little regard he had for them.

We didn't have any no shows at ours. If we had they'd have got an invoice for the £75 we paid for each of them to be there. If you don't want to go to a wedding don't go, but definitely don't say you'll go then no show.
yanbu.

A few years ago i was at a friends wedding and there was a table with half the guests missing for the meal (4). And they were relatives. Anyway, the wedding was on a friday and this family arrived on the saturday!

DB'S ex girlfriend didn't show on our day as she told me afterwards "she didn't feel like it"

My friend from uni didn't come to my wedding. No message, no warning- chatting right up to the point he didn't show.

I gave it a month and then messaged him, no reply. About six months later, I saw he was online and sent him a 'what the fuck?' message- due to his job he does, it's a bit of a worry if he doesn't get in contact (though I know his family so would have hoped they would tell me if something dreadful had happened) but I had been worrying about him. He replied saying he'd had appendicitis and was really sorry, had my wedding gift, was intending to just turn up at my house with it and apologise I was really unimpressed and pointed out that as I had moved, that was never going to work. However, although his story sounded quite unbelievable, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we continued our friendship.

Many years later he was on leave from work and I was making him a birthday dinner. I was sat there, with all the food and card and gift and he just didn't show up. Did exactly the same thing as before- no message, nothing. He messaged me about two years later saying he had always loved me and was sorry. I replied "fuck off".