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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be letting this bother me slightly and find it really rude?!

97 replies

Lj8893 · 12/08/2015 13:20

A wedding one, sorry!

I got married last month, a few guests let me know last minute (within the week of the wedding) that they couldn't make it for whatever reason.

3 people (not connected) just didn't show, didn't let me know and haven't said anything since. Not even a congratulations. At the time I was far too busy and wrapped up in the wedding and honeymoon and aftermath etc. but it's still bothering me a bit!

Aibu to think that's really rude and not the done thing? Or am I being precious?

I really want to say something but feel it's too late now.

OP posts:
drivingmisspotty · 14/08/2015 18:42

Ooh is beach going guest in here? Recognised self, panicked and defriended?

ohdearitshappeningtome · 14/08/2015 18:42

Then she has read this and realised she's actually a rude cunt.

Sounds like your better off without them

drivingmisspotty · 14/08/2015 18:42

On here even

NoisyOyster · 14/08/2015 18:44
MammaTJ · 14/08/2015 18:48

I consider it an honour to be invited to join a couple on such a special day. I see it as their loss for missing it!

Original poster
Lj8893 · 14/08/2015 18:49

I'm actually quite bemused at how childish it is!! Just bizarre behaviour.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/08/2015 18:49

Long shot I know but does she have her own partner. If not, could she be feeling somewhat jealous.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 14/08/2015 18:50

Yes she does and is engaged.

OP posts:
pumapants · 14/08/2015 18:50

I completely agree that it's rude, although I will just mention that when I was suffering quite badly with anxiety, I kept it secret but often had a panic very close to an event and would just disappear from the host for a while after an event through shame of being so rude. I then ended up having a bit of a break down so now everyone tends to know I struggle with these situations.

I've now realised that if I'm just honest and say 'really sorry, I really don't think I'm going to cope, please can we celebrate just us another time?' people are much more forgiving.

Just putting another perspective out there, but not condoning in any way!

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/08/2015 18:54

Yanbu

When I got married last year I had one claim (after another friend texted her to ask where she was) that she thought she only had an evening invite, despite it being very clear on the invitation that that was not the case, the odd thing being it was about 9pm when she responded and erm...wasn't at the reception.

She then proceeded to do that bizarre "I've got a present for you, I'll send it in the post" thing and send nothing thing that people do for some unfathomable reason Hmm

Put her on my Secretly Weird list and moved on.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 14/08/2015 18:55

Thanks Puma, that does offer another perspective. Hopefully if it is a similar case, my message will have given her the chance to open up.

She's a bit younger than me, and although very mature in some ways, quite immature in other ways so this behaviour reflects that I think.

OP posts:
MrWillisOfOhio · 14/08/2015 19:11

How strange, some people are so rude.

I had something similar happen to me though. I was pregnant with my DS and my family were throwing a bit of a baby shower for me (just some food and a few balloons at my mums, nothing fancy). Anyway, I invited a friend I had known over 10 years, spoke to quite regularly and used to meet up with every couple of months. She text me at 6pm to say she was going to be late but would be there by 6.30....... That was over 2 years ago. Haven't seen or heard off her since. I know she's fine as she works with my auntie. So strange. I messaged her a couple times and she never replied, not even when I gave birth a few weeks later.

I was quite hurt but now I just think she is strange and that I mustn't have known her very well.

Anyway, I wouldn't let it bother you OP. Their absence didn't stop you from enjoying your big day so I'd just forget about it.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 14/08/2015 19:13

MrWillis, how weird! Did you not ever find out what happened?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 14/08/2015 19:19

Does your aunt nor mention you ro her?

Itsbloodyraining · 14/08/2015 19:27

I had a friend who just didn't turn up, but fine, her life can be chaotic, and it hadn't cost me anything, but she never even sent me a text saying congratulations!!! How can you not even text a friend to even acknowledge that she has got married?!!! We are no longer friends.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 14/08/2015 19:33

My point exactly!

OP posts:
bigbumtheory · 14/08/2015 19:56

Some people are just very rude. We had some no shows and some non-bothering RSVPers. One person constantly expects people to jump through hoops for her but hasn't been much of a friend to any. Last time I saw her she was moaning about how no one bothers with her anymore.

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 14/08/2015 20:03

I think that your no-show guests were incredibly, disgustingly, unforgivebly rude. I would take that as a massive sign of passive-aggression and/or thoughtlessness and there is NO WAY I could every continue the friendship without an explanation and grovelling apology.

And I say that as someone who fucking HATES weddings. However if I HAVE to go to one (or any other social occasion I can't bodyswerve) then I bloody well go and at least PRETEND to enjoy myself even though I'd rather be on the couch picking my toenails.

AyeAmarok · 14/08/2015 20:42

You are absolutely entitled to an apology and an explanation. That really is beyond rude.

I'd suggest she probably has some jealousy issues too.

I'd move on OP and focus on your proper friends.

1AngelicFruitCake · 14/08/2015 20:42

YANBU at all. We had no shows which made me so cross as they were family we felt obliged to invite. Meanwhile there were a few people we could have invited in their place if we had known.

FryOneFatManic · 14/08/2015 20:44

I agree it's gobsmackingly rude. To accept an invitation, and then just not show, which must have incurred an expense for the OP, with no word of explanation or congratulations, then to stupidly put the beach trip on FB is disgusting. If the invite was accepted then nothing short of a genuine emergency should get in the way of actually attending.

I'd have to end the friendship if it were me.

But then, we seem to have a generation of young people who see it as acceptable to ditch people/events for a better offer.

It would be amusing if this person does read MN and recognised themself. I hope that if so, they actually realised how bad-mannered they were.

MrWillisOfOhio · 14/08/2015 20:46

No never! That was that. I messaged her a couple of times and saw she had read the messages but hadn't replied so I thought it was just leave the ball in her court and the ball is still there

My auntie works at the same place but hasn't ever spoken to her as they work in different departments, so she's never talked to her about what happened.

Now I just think maybe we weren't as good of friends as I thought and maybe me settling down/having kids was too much of a lifestyle change for her to handle and she decided she didn't want to be friends with my anymore?

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 14/08/2015 20:49

OP, perhaps she defriended you because she is v embarrassed but so socially inepet she can't apologise!

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 14/08/2015 20:50

It's incredibly rude to just not turn up!

I assume you haven't had a reply from the one who removed you from fb? What a cow.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 14/08/2015 20:52

No reply as yet but it doesn't show she has read it yet. Unfortunately I lost everyone's numbers a couple weeks ago so I can't text or phone her. And don't know if I should bother anyway!!

OP posts: