To point out you can have a diagnosis of severe depression and anxiety

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

And still function

Because some helpful 'friends' are trying to undermine me by saying I cant possibly have that diagnosis because I'm not in hospital and I still work (albeit on reduced hours)

Hold on while I ring my cpn, Dr and crisis team then and ask them to reevaluate my diagnosis based on what some lay people think.

YANBU OP but some people find it hard to understand invisible illnesses and other don't get that there are different levels to things and everyone is breaking point is different.

You only have to look at suicides when people say 'oh we knew s/he was ill but we didn't realise it was that bad' to see that people don't understand. To them those people looked well, had depression but (in their opinion) not that crippling and were coping. But they weren't. But it's hard for people to understand that edge, where you can appear ok or functioning and yet be struggling at the same time.

Reubs15, I'm so sorry. That sounds deeply traumatic and really horrible. I'm glad things are more stable for you now.

I'm feeling very shit at the moment - had an emotional crash yesterday and spent a lot of the day crying. Had to cancel a lunch date with a friend because I just couldn't handle the anxiety - thankfully she's grieving herself right now and she understands completely. Feeling very flat and disconnected today, and also like tears might not be far away. But I've got my full face of make up on and my nails are done and I'm smartly dressed so all must be well I do get a huge amount of strength from taking care of my appearance though so it's for me, not for anyone else

Lots of people still don't understand mental illness. It makes me so angry. I have had life long anxiety problems, and I really do wish there was a button I could press to switch it off be "normal" as so many people see to think there is.

I had a breakdown four years ago and still managed to go to work despite being off my face on AD's that take several weeks to get into your system.

People with mental illness learn to become good actors. You have to in order to keep functioning. People mistake this functioning as a sign of good mental health, but that's not the case. Birds and animals go to great lengths to hide any illness or weakness otherwise they're at risk of being attacked by other animals - even their own kind. Mental illness has such a stigma attached that it's often unwise to reveal just how bad people feel lest they lose their job, kids or are dragged off to the mental asylum (I know these don't exist anymore, but the fear of 'men in white coats' remains in our psyche).

LazyLohan if you're still about...
Is "intelligent and articulate" Dr shorthand for something? (In relation to mental health.)

I get the impression it's somehow a veiled insult because what follows tends to be very dismissive/not understanding. Also talking to others with similar issues/similar levels of non-help from services it seems to be a common phrase.

I find the functioning but depressed thing really hard to get my head around, because I'm one who can't do that. However, I think it's part of the same thing really - I fear people think I'm just lazy/rubbish because they don't accept how I feel. The making eye contact thing has been mentioned, and i've had this said to me. Plus just anytime being out and about not obviously crying or something - even if that's the only time you went out in a few days. People just don't believe what they can't see, plus there's an extra level of denial where even if they can see the effect of depression it's put down to a character flaw or "not trying hard enough".

"Intelligent and articulate", the doctors I've worked for, it means exactly that. It acts as a kind of prompt when looking at the case notes, writing letters etc, that the patient has a high level of understanding and they don't really need to dumb down communicating with that patient.

yanbu. I hate it too when people say "suffer with depression" - not everyone suffers, it can be managed!

It's only been recently that I have managed to open up to people about my anxiety after a lot of counselling

Everyone I told was surprised and shocked . Not because they didn't believe me but because I put such a front on you wouldn't know . That is not a good thing it's much easier now to be able to share when I'm feeling down or anxious and not feel so alone with it

I have severe depression, anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress disorder from my awful childhood. I am medicated up to my eye balls and have been doing cbt. Inside I am a wreck. Outside you would never know. I'm not well enough to hold down a job, but I do look after my dcs and cook. It's putting up a front. Fake it.

Lottapianos - the fact that you are managing to do those things and take care of yourself shows how strong you are. It's carrying on with little things like this that will help you through the anxiety and depression. Just keep going, peer around the corner and you will see better days aren't far away

Thank you Reubs15. Its been a very shit few days. Its hard thinking that very few people know what's going on for me and thinking that I'm fine coz I look fine. And not many people are interested in hearing the truth. Its lonely

I hope you have someone in rl you can reach out to. I hope things look up soon

I do, thank you - a wonderful partner, an understanding manager, a couple of friends who get it and a great therapist

I was going to say that I wasn't sure doing your nails is a sign of strength...but actually I can see the strength in it. It is a job that you presumably enjoy doing, that is then done and you have achieved something and feel a little better for it. Building momentum and enjoyment is key to the CBT approach to recovering from depression.

I have a diagnosis of major depression and other MH disorders, CPN, NHS consultant psych, intensive psychotherapy etc. I certainly can't manage to work as I barely get out of bed or wash some days (and don't have the energy/motivation to call in sick either) so I'd get the sack quickly if I ever managed to convince any employer to take me on. I definitely suffer with depression and spend a lot of time thinking about suicide or self harming.

But I have multiple identities with different services, e.g. I am able to do some voluntary work, sports and studying, where I carefully maintain a facade to stop people judging me, but I don't even tell my CMHT service about that as I know it would wreck my DLA/ESA application if they thought I was capable of such things. I'm careful to focus only on my bad days whenever I visit MH professionals because I use all the reports to justify my support services and benefits (I get highest rate and a full travelcard, which allows me not to worry about working and to spend my time doing activities which help my mental health the most).

'It is a job that you presumably enjoy doing, that is then done and you have achieved something and feel a little better for it.'

Exactly. And I am so much more confident when I feel I am looking good so its a very important part of self-care for me too.

I have generalised anxiety, tho it was only properly given this name a few yrs ago, was anxiety and depression before. I had to leave work due to stress (and other reasons, like hearing boss slag me off.. Fed my anxiety beautifully). I am willing to accept the anxiety but it is hard. Mine takes the form of rumination and fearing failure. However, on bad days any kind of criticism whereby I haven't quite met the mark is seen by my head as failure. So reading this, and thinking ' I ended up not doing teaching because I am too hard on myself' means I see this as failure.
When in my right mind I 'know' that in reality I have finally realised my limitations and that is ok! I cannot cope in a job with that level of scrutiny because I am horrendously hard on myself. I judge every move I make, and that is tiring. Then I make mistakes because I am overthinking the mistakes I already made... So I have to break the cycle (my mantra is 'you cannot make a cup of coffee by thinking about it, nor can you unmake it once it has been made') .
All this is going round my head, usually on a daily basis... Added to that are worries (dying, children dying, visualisations of death, worst case scenario thinking...). It's exhausting. But I am not sure I consider it functioning when I wanted to do so much more? Or perhaps that is the anxiety talking, when actually I am quite happy with what I am doing, it's what I always 'really' wanted to do (despite telling myself I should teach because I want to prove to the people that said I wasn't clever enough that I am clever enough).

Lots of rumination there. Sorry guys.

Anyway. My daily break the cycle is: No Butts (as in no goats aka ruminants). You can't change the past by thinking about what you would have done. You can't think the future and there is no certainty (scary belly feelings), and you make mistakes and learn from them, failure is acceptable when you move forward (still hate failure). I also do the whole 'is that a helpful though, or an unhelpful thought' thing... I try to do this when I am telling myself I must get better at my job!

I suppose I look like I function, but I certainly don't always feel like I am.

Meant to add, the manner in which I left my last job was hard as my boss not entirely understanding of how MH issues work (she gave me 6 weeks off unpaid and basically held my job), but couldn't understand I would always have anxiety and that I was take time to be fully functioning. I felt so crap after tha, total failure. But with help of cbt, I applied for another job, and got it. I was honest about the anxiety and it hasn't been a hinderence.

I wish that people knew more about mental health problems. I expect that my (and maybe others) depression and anxiety would be reduced slightly if people were a bit more understanding. I shy away from telling people because I fear how they will react leaving me feeling very isolated.

Unfortunately my partner had to to take a day off work recently as I was having a bad day and he needed to look after our son. On his return a collegue told him depression is all in the head and I must simply get over it. The ignorance is awful.

Yes, someone I knew complained about another person who had told them they were depressed with "what have they got to be depressed about". Because they had stuff going on and they weren't depressed themselves. I had to politely explain that depression is an illness. You are not depressed 'about' anything. I think the implication was that dealing with shit and not getting depression was because you were stronger/better/more capable. I corrected this one too. I did so sympathetically. Saying they were 'strong' for coping, but that depression was not a sign of not coping. It's an illness. End of. (Ok, it can be reactionary, but again it's not a sign of weakness because the body reacts that way).