to be a little bit miffed or am I being a brat?

[WeedingAnniversary]

So, it was my anniv yesterday. I recieved flowers and chocs. sigh. This year i got really upset over my birthday as not ONE of my pressents had longevity, i was going through a bad stage in my life, i was very tender, I put loads of thought into everybody else's presents, and DH asked me what the matter was and i spilled that i was upset and why. Mothers Day (after birthday) i had utterly lovely presents - really well thought out and focussed. it's not the money issue {not asking for excess}, its the easy present route that has miffed me. dh is working away at the mo, but came home for anniv which coincided with other quite major things (both positive and negative) so we actually had only about an hour of alone time. i haven't mentioned it, he doesn't know how i feel. aibu to feel a bit miffed?

LauraChant "I would be gobsmacked to get anything on our anniversary, we usually don't even remember it."

Same here. One or other or both of us always forget. No one cares. We're extremely happy and it simply doesn't matter.

Btw, I should've replied to your question.
Brat and extremely hard work.

I think you should lower your expectations of material presents and concentrate on your relationship. You shouldn't be measuring how much someone loves you by what they buy you.

In my experience, quite often the men who have showered gifts on their loved ones have been the worst husbands/partners. They went in for the big gestures but they were empty and meaningless.

This is why I can't get worked up about my husband not being the present buying type. We have been happily married for 34 years and I would far rather know that he will always be there for me than rely on a bunch of flowers at every opportunity.

It was our anniversary yesterday. We don't go in for pressies in a big way and were going out for an expensive dinner. DH was ridiculously pleased with himself as he had bought Me a present (he said it was for "us").

I had to tell him that I'd bought him the same book last year. Quite possibly for last years anniversary! It was Time Out's guide to cycling in London. Romantic eh? I swigged my cocktail down and got on with dinner!

I get nothing for Mother's Day (kids too young and I am not his mum) and nothing for our anniversary which is on Valentine's so I force him to take me out (we rarely go out so it is special). I get token gifts for birthday and Xmas, if he remembers.
It mildly bothers me, especially as I spend time thinking about gifts, but with 3 kids and a full time job it gives me the perfect reason not to for him!

We generally go out for a meal for our wedding anniversary as we don't go out very much either.

If he wasn't due home for another week, OP, maybe he did the same as you and has bought or ordered something, umm, 'better' for you for next weekend, when you were expecting him? And the flowers were a quick token on his way home (to be with you on your Anniversary, bless him?)

'Tender' is now one of those words on my shit list when threads ask for words that you hate.

I've lost more sympathy as the thread goes on. But then the words tender, teeny and miffed aren't used much in this house.

You do sound hard work. However I love AIBU threads where the OP gets defensive as everyone doesn't immediately dawn over them and agreed with them

Dawn = fawn

Ok, I'll be guided by you all then.. The talking to has worked a bit of magic really, and I'm more settled and less miffed than I was and I appreciate his return home. Hell eve know that I was a bit hmm about it all, so that's grand. Cheers all. bit surprised that my thoughtfulness thoughtfulness regarding friend (not tender at all, oh no, perhaps upset, devastated, hurt) has been snipped about. I would have thought him wandering in with a large bouquet while she was metaphorically crying on my shoulder would be better avoided.

Oh weed, now you are being a bit snippy. Did he really wander in with a large bouquet (in which case, YABDDDDU for not apprciating it) or was it just sitting in a vase on the side?

She may be devastated , but you do seem to be projecting a bit much onto her. She may not even notice - and if she does, would you really expect her to want your marriage to be as miserable as hers is at the mo? She/you cannot expect the world to stop revolving jsut because her feelings might be hurt.

How about your DHs feelings? DHs 'large' bouquet (not just a bunch of flowers, then ) is stuck in a cupboard.

I think "cooing" is going on my list along with "tender" and the sighing.

You are lucky I got sweet FA for my Birthday but hey it's just another day.

When you go to bed at night can you feel a pea from underneath 20 mattresses?

I would be so grateful! YRBVU

When my ex walked out the last thing that would have crossed my mind would be to think my pal was insensitive bcos she didn't have a shit husband if hers walked in with flowers. I certainly would have thought it very strange if she'd hustled them off to another room

I know what you mean. Flowers die, chocolates get eaten, then youve nothing.

You've got a husband who remembered your anniversary.

Have you heard of the concept of love languages? It's the idea that different people like to receive love in different ways: gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, touch.

Don't think there's much research to back it up but some people seem to find it helpful.

So for you, gifts might be important for you to feel loved. Other people in the family might have a different way of receiving the sense of being loved.

Helped our family anyway, as we all have different preferences! Yes it's great when someone shows love in the way that means most to me, but sometimes it's good to remember that their expression of love might reflect what they would like - from their point of view they are showing me that they love me.

If that makes sense?

Depends on what flowers and chocolates. Turkish delight and lilies your getting a shag, Bourneville and carnations, get to fuck. And if the op says tender in conjunction with moist I'm going to heave

But sge didn't see me hustle them off to another room. picking up in my choice of language is a low blow tbh, I apologise that my lexicon isn't varied enough for you all. The use of anniv which, I'm now lead to believe is just geolect,. wasn't intended to irk.

Your DH did though.
Which was pretty rude of you. It would have really hurt my feelings and looked like you were prioritising your pal over him. TBH it sounds like the idea of getting anniversary pressie is more important to you than giving one or do ending time with your DH.

Sorry but you do come across as precious and a bit whiney. A large bouquet and chocolates is a lovely present - to me anyway. I suppose I'm the wrong person to comment though, I once bought dh an ironing board cover for his birthday!

Anniv was fine IMO. I knew what you meant.

Turn it on its head. Say you took it upon yourself to surprise him on your anniversary by turning up unexpectedly where he stays when working away. Say you brought an impermanent present, maybe you planned to sweep him out to dinner or something. Don't you think that would be a thoughtful, loving gesture to go to such trouble for him? How do you think he should feel that you'd done that rather than get him a teeny gearstick cover that he'd been hankering after (but he mentioned so you knew nothing about it)?

I think you 2 need to talk. He is showing you the sort of presents that he appreciates. Maybe next time you could surprise him - my guess is he would LOVE it.

** (but NOT mentioned...) sorry