A neutral perspective appreciated - dh on phone whilst driving

[GhostsComeWith]

Dh and I are having an argument over this. Firstly some background: I don't drive and dh drops me to work and collects me at lunchtime each day.

Today he collected me and we were in city traffic at a red light when his phone rang, he answered it and proceeded to have a conversation with the caller whilst driving. The caller was ringing to let him know he had texted the information to him, so while I don't think he should have answered the phone in the first place, he certainly should have just said, 'thanks, I'm driving. talk later' instead of 'chatting'. I was telling him to get off the phone while he was on it.

When he hung up we had words about the fact that he had taken the call. I was very cross about it. The year before last he was in a serious accident where he drove into the back / side of another car while distracted with his phone. Both cars were written off, though thankfully no injuries.

He immediately said I ought to show more gratitude. I queried for what and he said 'for the fact that I drive you around the place every day'. I challenged that and said that me being cross that he was on the phone whilst driving has nothing to do with being grateful for the lifts. He kept repeating that I was ungrateful.

When I reminded him of what had happened previously he said I was responsible for that as I had texted him and he was looking at that and if I hadn't texted him the accident would not have happened. I refused to accept that and told him that he should have checked his phone when he had pulled over for coffee (he was doing a 4+hr drive that day with an early start and I was texting to see if he was there).

A few months ago he had another very long journey (5+hrs) and the next day he mentioned speaking to his mum and sister and when I asked when he has spoken to them it turned out that he had phoned them individually on the drive 'to pass the time' We had a massive fight about that too.

I am still really cross that he is brushing off how dangerous this is and a few minutes ago he accused me of 'losing the run of myself because he picked up the phone'.

Am I the one in the wrong here? His continuance to take risks driving is driving me mad!

I was almost hit by a woman driving whilst on the phone. I was pushing DS in his pram at the time (this was about 8 years ago - DS was under months old).

I'd just stepped onto the zebra crossing from the pavement when this car came swerving round the corner from the main road - no indicator to say she was turning (she couldn't as she had the phone in one hand and was sorting out the gears with the other when she passed me - God knows how she was steering!) Luckily I heard the change in engine - you know, if you drive, that sort of pause and hum as the car slows down - and just caught a glimpse of the front wheel beginning to turn. So I stopped and she shot passed me. I honestly don't think she could have stopped if I had carried on walking. A man who had stopped to let me cross on the other side of the road called her some very choice names and checked if I was OK.

So I have a real thing about people who use the mobile when they drive. My DH always toots people he sees on the phone - and usually gets a two fingered signal (it's the mentality unfortunately. Sod the law, sod you, I do what I want)

That "drving mode" thing that goes straight to voicemail sounds good. Must see if I can get my phone to do that

That "drving mode" thing that goes straight to voicemail sounds good. Must see if I can get my phone to do that

It's inbuilt in Windows Phone (Settings...Driving Mode)

Googling "Android Driving Mode Apps" suggests there's a selection available for Android.

No idea for iPhones, although I'd wager there is a similar functionality there too.

The fact few people seem to know of them is ... interesting

Our new car has the option to link via bluetooth to a phone, whilst we are in the car - and we tried it once - and both felt that it was too distracting, so we have made the conscious choice not to use our phones in the car.

Ghosts - have you shared with your dh some of the things people have said on here - and that youtube video - and if so, what has he said?

He's a dick.

I sat waiting for DH outside our local Chinese takeaway the other week. From the Kebab house next door appeared their delivery driver and in his hand he had one of those McDonalds type drinks trays with 2 huge milkshake/coffe/Frappe type drinks in it.
I watched as he got into the car, didn't bother with a seatbelt and drove off onto the dual carriageway all with car screaming in low gear as he attempted to drive a car whilst precariously balancing the drinks in his left hand.

It's not just mobiles is it? There was no way this guy was safely in control of the vehicle.

GrumpyOld This is possible to set up on any phone. If you post in Geeky Stuff with your phone make someone should be able to get you set up with it :)

There are apps for iPhone driving mode.

If you are reasonably tech savvy and have an NFC enabled phone you can buy yourself a pack of NFC tags quite cheaply. These are small thin discs which you can program yourself to do all kinds of things to your phone.

We have one by the door which you touch with your phone as you leave the house, it turns off the WiFi, turns up the volume etc. DH has one on his desk that puts his phone into a meeting mode of vibrate. One by the bed which puts the phone into a night mode.
You can also pop one onto the cradle of your car phone holder to automatically put the phone into driving mode. You don't even have to think about pressing the button, it does it for you.

With modern technology of NFC and Bluetooth there isn't any excuse for holding a phone.

Pack of NFC tags here on Maplin:

www.maplin.co.uk/p/nfc-sticker-tags-12-pack-a65lr?gclid=CIWPoK37pccCFfHJtAodAlwOWg

Not the cheapest and don't come with a handy keyring tag, but still a good solution to a few problems for a tenner.

it is against the law. Your husband (nothing 'dear' about him) is subject to the law.

all phones have a driving mode - it is called an 'off' button. Pick up messages when you stop. End of.

yes, handsfree while driving is legal but it is still incredibly distracting. (tried it once, never again) Holding the phone IS illegal. There's a reason.

in my opinion it is not the phone or the car that should be crushed, it is the user.

If that won't have people thinking 'shit this could be me if I keep doing it', then nothing short of an actual accident will imo because they're like unable to empathise.

But this twat has caused an accident and still doesn't see what he's doing as wrong. He's still too busy trying to shift the blame to the OP.

in my opinion it is not the phone or the car that should be crushed, it is the user.

generally, I'm not really a supporter of the death penalty, but I could always make exceptions, and this is possibly one of them.

Along with litterbugs (and an especially scratchy noose if they threw rubbish from a car), and the cunts who vandalised the wheelchair lift at our local library.

(I hope I don't need a ?)

FryOneFatManic Yes I missed that. Then I think there's fuck all hope for him. Peoples experiences and the video won't do much if he' already been in one.

I know that all the taxi users in my knitting group hate it when the taxi drivers talk on their phones. First of all on safety grounds then because it feels as if we are being ignored and also you feel a fool when you don't realize straight away that they are talking on the phone and you say pardon because you think they are speaking to you.

Update: hooted at a clown on the motorway, again. I could see him twitching, and as I got closer I could see he was looking down. I drew level and the twat was holding his phone up and watching Youtube. He gave a sheepish grin when I passed, as well he might.

Way to drive a 44tonne artic, you knob.