A neutral perspective appreciated - dh on phone whilst driving

[GhostsComeWith]

Dh and I are having an argument over this. Firstly some background: I don't drive and dh drops me to work and collects me at lunchtime each day.

Today he collected me and we were in city traffic at a red light when his phone rang, he answered it and proceeded to have a conversation with the caller whilst driving. The caller was ringing to let him know he had texted the information to him, so while I don't think he should have answered the phone in the first place, he certainly should have just said, 'thanks, I'm driving. talk later' instead of 'chatting'. I was telling him to get off the phone while he was on it.

When he hung up we had words about the fact that he had taken the call. I was very cross about it. The year before last he was in a serious accident where he drove into the back / side of another car while distracted with his phone. Both cars were written off, though thankfully no injuries.

He immediately said I ought to show more gratitude. I queried for what and he said 'for the fact that I drive you around the place every day'. I challenged that and said that me being cross that he was on the phone whilst driving has nothing to do with being grateful for the lifts. He kept repeating that I was ungrateful.

When I reminded him of what had happened previously he said I was responsible for that as I had texted him and he was looking at that and if I hadn't texted him the accident would not have happened. I refused to accept that and told him that he should have checked his phone when he had pulled over for coffee (he was doing a 4+hr drive that day with an early start and I was texting to see if he was there).

A few months ago he had another very long journey (5+hrs) and the next day he mentioned speaking to his mum and sister and when I asked when he has spoken to them it turned out that he had phoned them individually on the drive 'to pass the time' We had a massive fight about that too.

I am still really cross that he is brushing off how dangerous this is and a few minutes ago he accused me of 'losing the run of myself because he picked up the phone'.

Am I the one in the wrong here? His continuance to take risks driving is driving me mad!

He's a git. He knows he's wrong so he's deflecting responsibility onto other people.

Learn to drive before he kills you with his inattention. When he gets disqualified for using a phone while driving, refuse to give him lifts.

I'll tell you something else: when a DHL vehicle comes up behind him, he's on camera.

I've often wondered, if all the dashcam footage taken was uploaded to a central location, how easy it would be to spot repeat idiot drivers.

I hoot when I see one; nothing like a big fuckoff airhorn to ruin your call.

Why does that sound so much ruder than it really is ?

Totally arrogant and irresponsible. Apparently out of all in-car distractions using a mobile whilst driving is the biggest cause of accidents, and it's totally avoidable.

I think the current penalty doesn't reflect the seriousness of the offence and therefore does not act as an effective deterrent.

Another Mumsnetter's friend has actually just set up a petition about this calling for an automatic 2 month driving ban for offenders. You can find it here if you're interested.

I think the current penalty doesn't reflect the seriousness of the offence and therefore does not act as an effective deterrent.

Personally, I'd be happy for the police to crush the phone - or the car.

Twat twat and triple twat.

Don;t the police now treat this as one of the BIG 4 (or 5 or something) most likely to cause death or injury.

From memory:

drunk driving
driving using phone
not wearing seat belt

Can't remember the rest - but saw it on a programme just recently how they're cracking down on them to reduce deaths on the road

I remember having an argument with my boss's PA some years ago when she said she'd been trying to call me on my lunch-break and was nonplussed when I said I'd been driving so wouldn't answer. What is it with mobile phone calls that people just can't wait? But I guess it's the same mentality that drives a shop assistant to answer a telephone call rather than serve the person in front of them, or drives someone to rush off to answer the phone even though they are in the middle of dinner.

Kewcumber

It is certainly being treated as 1 of the THE BIG 4

Statsitical results from early 2015 are here:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2968776/More-500-000-motorists-driving-using-mobile-phones-numbers-increasing.html

I have a hands free set, but I don't speak other than to say, "I am driving, I'll pull into the next suitable place and phone you back". (I don't have it automatically transfer to text because someone might need a quick, short clarification immediately and responding when I finish 3 hours driving isn't sufficient in my job.)

But everyone I work with (Gov agency) knows that we must not even try to DISCUSS whilst driving.

I am old enough to remember when we didn't have mobile phones and life/work still manage to happen efficiently and effectively.

My sadness is that when I am driving, I see a mobile phone user and I CAN'T pick up my mobile phone to get a quick picture because I would then also be breaching the law. I love the peeps who have hands-free car cameras!

Ask him to go to halfords and get a hands free kit fitted.

sadwidow - is the other one drugs?

If he is blaming you for his accident then he is a twat who cant be reasoned with.

Give me his details. I'll sort him out. Your OH is the sort of arrogant prick who causes road traffic incidents (can't call them accidents anymore, someone is always to blame) that hurt other people.

Twat doesn't describe him and his attitude.

kewcumber

It is indeed drugs - both legal and illegal.

www.gov.uk/drug-driving-law

police officers only have 'field tests' at the moment (a bit like traffic cops who suspected drink driving had to do the 'finger on nose' and 'walk on a chalked line' before breatherlisers)

Ask him to go to halfords and get a hands free kit fitted.

I see lots of people talking on their phones in cars I know have handsfree kits fitted.

People don't talk on the phone driving because they aren't aware of or can't afford the solutions. People talk on the phone driving because they are ignorant cunts with no thought about anyone but themselves.

Like the MiL who had 2 iPhones paired to her car (I know, because I did it) and then almost made a point to MrsLH of not using handsfree.

My DH saw two drivers swerving around on a busy dual carriageway today. When he overtook them he saw both of them had phones in their hands, most likely reading texts.

I would consider leaving my DH if he did this and continued to do it despite my objections. I really would. He is putting his life and the lives of others in danger. I wouldn't stand for that.

I am going to shout now. Not at you OP but at your "D"H.

A DRIVER ON HIS PHONE KILLED MY BEST FRIEND. LEAVING 3 CHILDREN FATHERLESS.

There. Driver proven to beon phone when he hit my mate, who died at the scene. A son of 9, daughter of 7, and son of 3 left without a father. "It was just a quick call" apparently.

I was on another thread (the one where DH had driven home after 4 pints and the OP went ballistic). I declared then that I am zero tolerance of drink-driving. Since I was widowed 14 years ago, I either don't drink at all or get a taxi if I would like to have even ONE drink.

My stance comes from being married to someone who was a traffic sergeant for 9 years before he was promoted to a less stressful job as an Inspector. I saw his melt downs when he came home after trying to rescue a child from a back seat and the child was already dead from impact; the boot he picked up for forensics - only to discover that the foot was still in it; coming home 6 hours after his shift finished because he was keeping pressure on blood loss whilst the fire crew were cutting the car apart.

My DH was a strong, calm, wonderful person who saw his police role as a service. He endangered his own life on many occasions to protect others. I just wish 'others' had those same ethics where they wouldn't dream of endangering an emergency service provider to get out of a life-threatening situation that is actually of their own making.

Does that make sense?

Yanbu.
Trouble is it seems it will be difficult to convince him.
I think there's lots of drivers who think its just a case of not getting nicked,and just cannot accept its dangerous and they need to be more responsible.I walk along country lanes a lot,and see a lot of drivers on their phones -presumably they get off the main drag and make their call because they're not likely to get nicked.
Don't know what to suggest.
Tell him unless he packs it in you'll bike it -then let him worry about your safety with dickheads like him on the road.

At work I am supporting three families utterly devastated by the result of driving whilst using a mobile. Try explaining to a teens mother why she won't see her child again because of someone else's poor choices.

Buy him a hands free and please, please learn to drive.

This is the link OP.

As has often been said, a call or text is an invitation to answer, not a summons.

I choose to ignore my phone while driving (generally on silent anyway).

The only time I've ever done otherwise, was when I was stuck in gridlock and turned the engine off, then texted to say I'd be late home.

But I've had a handful of near misses, and in all cases, the other driver was on the phone. I'm close to believing it's simply only a matter of time before a twat on the phone hits me.

OP, it's your DH's fault that he has had an accident. He chose to answer the phone.

For all those saying learn to drive as though it's just as simple as that, do you realise/remember that learning to drive costs a lot of money? It's entirely unhelpful to post learn to drive as though it's the magic answer and just disregard the massive cost implications.

OP I'd report your husband to the police if I was you. He could kill someone with his negligent arrogant attitude to driving.

Christ that video is awful.

Horrific isn't it. It was one on a compilation DH and I saw which had wearing a seatbelt, drink driving, paying attention (drivers/cyclists/pedestrians and road rage on it. All set to devastatingly upsetting music too.They were all hard hitting but this was the worst.

If that won't have people thinking 'shit this could be me if I keep doing it', then nothing short of an actual accident will imo because they're like unable to empathise.

As a neutral perspective, he's being a prize twat.