Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A neutral perspective appreciated - dh on phone whilst driving

90 replies

GhostsComeWith · 11/08/2015 18:37

Dh and I are having an argument over this. Firstly some background: I don't drive and dh drops me to work and collects me at lunchtime each day.

Today he collected me and we were in city traffic at a red light when his phone rang, he answered it and proceeded to have a conversation with the caller whilst driving. The caller was ringing to let him know he had texted the information to him, so while I don't think he should have answered the phone in the first place, he certainly should have just said, 'thanks, I'm driving. talk later' instead of 'chatting'. I was telling him to get off the phone while he was on it.

When he hung up we had words about the fact that he had taken the call. I was very cross about it. The year before last he was in a serious accident where he drove into the back / side of another car while distracted with his phone. Both cars were written off, though thankfully no injuries.

He immediately said I ought to show more gratitude. I queried for what and he said 'for the fact that I drive you around the place every day'. I challenged that and said that me being cross that he was on the phone whilst driving has nothing to do with being grateful for the lifts. He kept repeating that I was ungrateful.

When I reminded him of what had happened previously he said I was responsible for that as I had texted him and he was looking at that and if I hadn't texted him the accident would not have happened. I refused to accept that and told him that he should have checked his phone when he had pulled over for coffee (he was doing a 4+hr drive that day with an early start and I was texting to see if he was there).

A few months ago he had another very long journey (5+hrs) and the next day he mentioned speaking to his mum and sister and when I asked when he has spoken to them it turned out that he had phoned them individually on the drive 'to pass the time' We had a massive fight about that too.

I am still really cross that he is brushing off how dangerous this is and a few minutes ago he accused me of 'losing the run of myself because he picked up the phone'.

Am I the one in the wrong here? His continuance to take risks driving is driving me mad!

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 11/08/2015 19:59

Your husband is an arrogant bellend OP.

I hope he gets caught and banned from driving.

This really makes me angry when I see drivers with their mobiles up and talking into them.

Catnuzzle · 11/08/2015 20:05

He's a twat.

ForalltheSaints · 11/08/2015 20:07

Your concern is out of love for him. A handsfree kit would be one step, and perhaps insist before then that you hold his phone in your hand if in a car when he is driving. Or insist on being the driver.

Findtheoldme · 11/08/2015 20:10

He thinks he is better than you stating you should be grateful. Get yourself with someone who sees you as an equal and isn't a twat.

InTheBox · 11/08/2015 20:12

And another thing, blaming you for his previous accident and acting as if he's the new born messiah for 'driving you around the place' is just not on.

Waltermittythesequel · 11/08/2015 20:13

It's just so unnecessary.

A hands free set is so easy to get I'm baffled by his arrogance.

That said, and it's a bit of a tangent, why don't you drive? I would hate to have to ferry dh around all the time!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/08/2015 20:17

Our neighbour was killed by a driver answering his phone. Such an important call....

Without hands free - illegal.

The judge will place all the blame, rightly on him. It is entirely his choice.

He's being an arrogant knob-it annoys me his need to be on the phone trumps someone else's life.

Please dob him in-he's already had a near miss... Ah but that's your fault too... Arse..

shirleybasseyslovechild · 11/08/2015 20:23

can't believe you need to ask.
He's breaking the law and I hope he gets caught

CantWorkItOut22 · 11/08/2015 20:36

I'm starting to see so many people driving while holding a phone to their ear. Makes me bloody furious. Write off their own bloody car but how dare they risk the lives of me and my little boy, and any poor passer by, by not driving responsibly.

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 11/08/2015 20:40

He shouldn't be using the phone when driving, but I can understand him being riled because his driving is being criticised by the person who he drives around because they can't drive.

Just get a hands free kit, save the arguments.

addictedtolatte · 11/08/2015 21:02

I have lost a member of my family in a road accident due to a man using his mobile while driving. my life changed forever on that fateful day it destroyed my family. so I personally think he is a selfish piece of work who needs a good talking to.

ilovesooty · 11/08/2015 22:13

All this stuff about gratitude simply reinforces his illegal and arrogant behaviour.

Learn to drive then drive a long way away from him.

Hellionandfriends · 11/08/2015 22:37

He is responsible for his actions. Not you. He was driving, he's on the phone, he's looking at texts, not you.

LindyHemming · 11/08/2015 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sashh · 12/08/2015 11:08

Perhaps suggest he leaves off his seatbelt and drives with a an open bottle of beer in his hand as well.

As he is being an arse, breaking the law and making the roads more dangerous for everyone else he might as well be a complete and total twat.

bigbumtheory · 12/08/2015 11:14

Yanbu. On youtube theres a horrific texting while driving video, google and show him. Put my dh off hands free for life.

The issues are seperate, he's combining them because he knows he is in the wrong and wants not to be and additionally he is possibly resentful of driving you.

bigbumtheory · 12/08/2015 11:18

Oh and he is responsible for his accident. He chose to look at the phone. Ask him who would be responsible if a car went into the back of him because they'd been too busy staring at an accident. Would it be the people in the accident or the idiot who is gawping and distracted?

LurkingHusband · 12/08/2015 11:22

at least as bad as drunk driving

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MythBusters_(2005_season)#Cell_Phones_vs._Drunk_Driving

my phone has a "driving mode" triggered when it pairs with my cars BT. In driving mode, all calls go to voicemail with the caller getting a text message in reply that I am driving.

LurkingHusband · 12/08/2015 11:24

When I reminded him of what had happened previously he said I was responsible for that as I had texted him and he was looking at that and if I hadn't texted him the accident would not have happened

Oh, driving mode also replies to any text received with the same (and doesn't alert me until I've got out the car).

Just out of interest, what country are you in ? The legal minimum age for marriage in the UK is 16. Your husband seems 6.

sadwidow28 · 12/08/2015 11:40

Your DH actually doesn't understand the concept of 'hands-free' does he? It is not simply a matter of not putting his phone to his ear and using speaker phone instead.

Using a mobile phone while driving is illegal in the UK without the use of a handsfree kit.

The penalty is £60 and 3 penalty points if you use a hand-held mobile phone while driving.

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 12/08/2015 12:10

Ooh thats good Lurking - what sort of phone is that?

LurkingHusband · 12/08/2015 12:19

It's a standard feature of Windows Phone on my Lumia620. So available to .0000000% of the population then.

Motortrader · 12/08/2015 12:22

A. Learn to drive.
B. Buy a car.
C. Stop worrying about what the twonk does in his car.
D. Persuade your DH to increase his life insurance.

LurkingHusband · 12/08/2015 12:37

A. Learn to drive

Not everyone who doesn't drive can drive.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 12/08/2015 12:40

He's a fuckwit. I'll tell you something else: when a DHL vehicle comes up behind him, he's on camera. We're encouraged to save the footage, in case the arsehole has an accident later.

I hoot when I see one; nothing like a big fuckoff airhorn to ruin your call.