To not allow my kids to spend Christmas in an old people's home ?

[Newbrummie]

Long back story I won't bore you with, but ex is in australia. He plans to fly home at Christmas and book two rooms at his mothers sheltered accommodation for him and four children. At first I thought fine I get a break, don't care about Christmas we will do that another time but all my friends and family are telling me I'm mad to allow it. The rooms aren't interconnecting, god knows who lives in this place and frankly it's not much of a Christmas for the kids.
Wwyd ?

[Lynnm63]

I was only suggesting if the older ones were say 16 and had regular contact and they knew about the plans that it wouldn't be unreasonable for them to ask their dad about the visit. However, I've never been in this situation as im still married to my dc's dad so im probably talking out of my bottom.

[UrethraFranklin1]

it's not a retirement home for paedophiles

It's as likely there are paedophiles there as anywhere else. IE not very, but not to be ruled out purely because they are older.

Being old doesn't make people suddenly cuddly and vulnerable and safe. If you wouldn't have your children stay in a hostel or a hotel or any other place full of random people you don't know, in a room on their own...why is it ok just because its an old peoples home?

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with it, but neither is it obviously completely fine.

[MrsWembley]

NynaevesSister, in one of my earlier posts I mentioned SIMs...

[BlackeyedSusan]

there is a difference between sleeping on the floor on amat or airbed, and sleeping on the floor straight on the carpet.

airbeds some sort of matress are preferable for two weeks. a mat gets a bit uncomfortable.

funny how op gets slated for having two weeks off and looking forward to it, but dad takes six months off and can not even do his full two weeks and it goes with barely a comment.

doesw ex know dc still wet? he might wear pull ups or pyjama pants as it is a holiday. does he have other developmental issues?

[MrsWembley]

SHELTERED ACCOMMODATION FOLKS!! NOT A NURSING HOME!

[AcrossthePond55]

It seems as if you're using the bedwetting as an excuse to not allow accommodations at the facility. If your DH wanted to take the kids to a 5 star resort would you be OK with DS pissing that mattress? I'm assuming not. But it sounds to me as if him taking them anywhere other than the 'old folks home' would be OK with you.

I had bedwetters too, so I'm not unsympathetic. But don't use that as an excuse to cancel your ex's plan. It's a red herring.

I'd put your DS in pull-ups every night. Reward him for keeping them on. It works.

As long as your ex knows his child wets, it's up to him how he wants to deal with the problem.

[verystressedmum]

Sheltered accommodation is nothing remotely like an old people's home. My kids and I have stayed at my mum's flat in sheltered accommodation. Not in the guest rooms but in the flat, it's totally self contained we never saw any of her neighbours.
Even in the guest rooms, they'll just sleep there and go into his mums flat.

[Salmotrutta]

It's hilarious MrsWembley isn't it the number of poster prattling on about "wards" and "homes" when it's Sheltered Accomodation

Jeez - the irony of someone up thread saying about people not reading properly then going on about the "home"...

[Findtheoldme]

I suggest you start a thread re the bed wetting as what you are going is not right. Perfectly normal for a five year old to be wet at night. Not normal the way you are doing.

[BertrandRussell]

Why would you expect a grown up to sleep on the floor rather than a child? children are much more comfortable on camping mats than adults are.

[Newbrummie]

Ok so his mums flat you couldn't get 5 adults in and still see the carpet, no idea what the guest rooms are like never been there.
The bed wetting was mentioned as to why the kids couldn't top and tail, my 11 year old rightly won't stand for it.
Older two are 13 and 15 I don't want them involved at all. He phones once a week, it's all very polite conversation.
The kids are so grateful he's even coming over to see them it's heart breaking tbh so I'm not looking to ruin this for them but equally, I do if I'm honest think it'll be a bit shit, why can't he book centre parcs or something !

[tiredvommachine]

YABU

[Newbrummie]

Well Bert I wouldn't expect an adult to sleep on the floor, they wouldn't in my house I make sure I have beds or book a hotel room with beds, I don't see why a child would be more comfortable on the floor it's not acceptable for one why is it for another. Given he has a credit card and they don't if he chooses accommodation with a bed short surely it's him that goes without ?

[The5DayChicken]

For the people pointing out how abnormal it is to sleep on the floor for 2 weeks...there are 5 people sharing 4 beds. Nothing to stop them taking turns.

[NynaevesSister]

Salmotrutta. I mentioned wards when talking about MY dad.

As someone who has a blended family you are right not to get the older two involved in talking to their dad. That's their time - they shouldn't be intermediaries.

Yes it would be better if he booked Centreparcs. But there's no point wasting emotion on what it he could or should do.

This is what he's done. It's his time and you would be unreasonable to stop them going just because it isn't what you'd do.

You are not unreasonable to be specific about sleeping arrangements. It's a tough balancing act when night accidents are a problem. Been through that and know that you can't just get them in pull ups.

[PosterEh]

Maybe he wants to stay at his mums?

[MrsWembley]

You can get them in pull-ups if you give them no other option (and yes, I do mean, as several posters have also said, putting them back on him again and again).

Be firm. That simple.

I have endured paddies and tantrums and screaming fits that have gone on for over an hour (hello, DS, looking at you there), and do you know what, I don't give in and they get the message.

I'm not trying to make them eat glass, I'm trying to look after them.

[MrsWembley]

It is funny, yes. IABU to say RTFT to those people?

[SquinkiesRule]

My Mum has a sheltered accommodation flat. The guest rooms are like posh hotel rooms, with their own bathroom and tea/coffee facilities, and locks on the door. They are lovely.
They will be expecting your Ex and kids to spend the days either inside your Ex Mil flat or in the community areas, Mums has a beautiful lounge with a bathroom, a kitchen (free tea and coffee) and conservatory and a large fenced garden. I'm sure your Ex Mil place will have it set up well for visitors too.

[Salmotrutta]

No not U at all MrsW.

And Nynaeves - but we aren't discussing wards or your Dad

[AspieAndNT]

Will they actually be allowed to stay there as they are over occupancy for one of the rooms.

[5Foot5]

if I'm honest think it'll be a bit shit, why can't he book centre parcs or something !

For two weeks at Christmas? He would have to be loaded wouldn't he?

Chester is a nice place and I bet they can find loads of things to do round there during the day so I don't see why it should be even a bit shit.

I can see that if one person were sleeping on the floor for two weeks that the novelty might wear off - even with an air bed, but what is wrong with each of the kids taking turns so one night in four is on the floor. Surely we have all done that at some time? I remember when we had family staying at Christmas it was usually me, as the youngest, who would spend a night or two camping on the floor. I used to rather enjoy it - even as a teenager.

[titchy]

Dear god OP how precious are your kids that you think it's not normal to kip on a floor when they're staying with rellies?! Most kids sleep on the floor if they stay with friends or cousins or whoever - you don't surely limit where they stay because someone doesn't have enough beds? Just send a cheap camping mat with them - a fiver from Argos.

And stop making a fuss - what exactly do you think will happen to them? They might meet some of their grandmothers elderly parents?

[Newbrummie]

MrsWembley I'm on my own with 4 children by bedtime I am on my fucking knees. He will go to bed wearing them and then taking them off in the night, do you honestly expect me to I don't know sleep on the floor and then when I see a pull up fly past my head in the night put them back on him ? He does it in his sleep so yes I probably could get them back on him, but I'm in another room erm sleeping !