DH leaving DS alone in bath

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Last year DH kept repeadly leaving 4 year old DS in bath on his own. DH would go and sit in study (on same floor as bathroom but out of sight) and sit in front of his computer claiming that he's listening out for DS. I explained that drowning is silent and caught DS on several occasions on his front, creating huge waves and mucking about. He has very little concept of safety despite it being explained. DH doesn't even notice when we are in same room talking to him when he is on his PC, but keeps saying he can hear if DS gets into trouble in bath! We eventually agreed last year that we would not leave him in bath on his own. Then this year DH left him on his own again in bath (hoping I wouldn't notice).

Drowning hours later is not silent drowning, it's secondary drowning, and it doesn't occur when children swallow water but when they inhale it and it sits in their lungs. It's incredibly rare.

I'd be more concerned with regular drowning tbh

SunshineAndShadows yeh that's what I meant - secondary drowning apologies.

I think it depends how noisy your 4 year old is, whether your DH is still attentive whilst messing with his computer...

My 4 yr old would re-enact entire episodes of Octonauts from the batch while I folded laundry in other rooms on the same floor. I could always hear him talking away and popped my head in and out every few minutes. We probably did this from age 3 to be honest and still do now with both the 4 and 7 yr old together.

I am aware of dry drowning and secondary drowning but it is very rare and if you inhale water it generally makes you cough and splutter. I would hear that and be aware of what had happened.

Evenings with four children can be very hectic. Particularly in term time, when the older two have reading, homework, friends over and after school activities. I do sit with them as long as it takes to get them clean but DS2 likes to have a play by himself while I dry his little brother.

It's not about swallowing water brunette otherwise it would happen from guzzling down a big drink.

I don't think yabu exactly
At 4 I would leave lo alone to fold/put away clothes etc but constantly chat to them. I wouldn't be playing computer games as its too distracting

Everyone has their "thing", whether it's hiding all kitchen knives 7ft above ground / having their child on reins in public at all times.

For me, it's never leaving a child alone in the bath (that, and the danger of toppling furniture). I am therefore hyper vigilant about bathing (& it's quite fun anyway, splash risk notwithstanding) - I will go into the adjacent en suite bedroom, but never downstairs etc. (& I will get scary angry about any climbing in wardrobes / chests of drawers!)

I don't think YABU. I wouldn't object, with a typical 4 or 5-year-old, to popping in and out getting pyjamas or things like that. I do this myself, but always make sure I am chatting to the DCs or can hear them chatting to each other the whole time, and make sure not to leave them too long before checking on them. However what you're describing is a lot different, sounds like your H was leaving him significantly longer and doing something where he could easily be distracted and not notice a sudden silence or unusual noises.

My biggest worry personally would be if they stood up and slipped in the bath and hit their head or something like that - easily done and not necessarily very noisy, and they could drown very quickly. Though there are other risks too, like scalds if they try the hot tap.

I agree with you, I don't let mine bath without an adult, they are 4 and 5 and always bath together but I'm not even sure one would notice the other drowning, just think they are 'diving'. It's 30mins where Dh and I either get in bath with them which they love, or we sit on the closed toilet and chat to them. It's nice

i leave my 4yo (nearly 5) in the bath, although I'm always upstairs in our very small house, so within earshot the whole time
she can get in and out independently, and swims precociously well, so IMO any risk of accidental drowning is now only the same tiny risk due to freak accident that she'd still face at 10, or 15, or 45

although I agree with Jane about everyone "having a thing"
mine's choking. my DC still aren't allowed to eat unless they're sitting down, which marked me out as odd even at the toddler group ages.

The main issue here is your husband will lie about looking after his son, because he doesnt want to do it, and instead play on his computer.

I agree with taking child quietly out of bath and into another room, dry and dress and see how long it takes him to notice. Have an actual timer ready so he cant argue how long it was.

Or, take over bathtime.

I leave mine but I'm in another room on the same floor - with my ds the minute he goes quiet is the minute I either enter the bathroom or ask him a question and wait for his response. He is almost never quiet, at any time. I talk to him from the other room too.

although I agree with Jane about everyone "having a thing"

I genuinely don't think I have "a thing".

OrionsAccessory
I think that was my mum's logic. My brother and I made plenty of noise while he sat on my head and I tried not to drown.

Computers make time vanish, and noises.

Brunette is right though notso, and it CAN happen gulping down a big drink, it happened to me as an adult! So therefore is a very big risk to children who love to lie down and stick their face in the water.

As a twenty something with a hangover from hell I took a pint glass and filled it before gulping down to appease my sickness and dehydration. I mis-timed my swallow and instead inhaled it, leaving my lungs full of water, unable to breathe and speak and lying on the floor while thumping madly for attention from the floor below. Luckily for me after what seemed a lifetime it all came up. It was nasty!

I wouldn't mind leaving a 4 year old in the bath alone - but I would check in every few minutes, and wouldn't have so much water in that they could obvioulsy drown. I think sometimes people worry overly much. There are risks in everything we do - driving your 4 year old kid to the shop for the weekly foodshop is probably a higher risk of death than leaving them alone in the bath.

I read something on babycenter that recommended leaving 5 year olds in the bath to learn independence.

I pop in and out of the bathroom when DD (4.5) is in there. She is a noisy child and at the first sign of silence, I'm in there.

We always have a bath mat in the tub and she knows she must sit still (washing accessible bits excepted).

I do also realise that other children may not be ready to be left unsupervised at all at this age.

I leave mine but that I mean I am simply wamdering around upstairs. They all bath separately so I am usually dressing the youngest whilst a bigger one in the bath. I live in a little house though, so they are never that far away.

Unsupervised baths are my thing too - I don't leave my 5 and 7 year olds in there alone but I know DH does.

Not for the drowning risk but my great uncle stood and slipped in the bath and fell against the taps. He had to have his eye removed as it was so badly damaged. I'm completely paranoid they'll do the same!!

I leave my 4 yo alone in the bath but I wouldn't go on the computer (too distracting) - I am very vigilant in listening to what's going on and if it goes quiet in the bathroom I call up or go and check.