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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's crazy to work for a loss of money

94 replies

AsongforEurope · 10/08/2015 22:40

I know it will only be for a year or so and I need to think about career prospects for the future but I'm soon to end mat leave, I have 3 dc's under 3 and I have worked it out, I will be returning to work and I will be quite considerably out of pocket. It's crazy. I can't afford to be paying to go to work but I don't want to loss my independence. My return to work will also mean my DP will have to do drop offs and pick ups as my part time contract means I work long hours the days I work. He will have to drive to two nurseries (the first, cheaper nursery doesn't take children until they are two). These nurseries are 10 miles apart (rural location) so he won't get to work until late and has to leave early and will have to make the hours up on a Saturday. Just can't see it working despite the fact I want it to. Any advice?

OP posts:

smurkedsalmon · 11/08/2015 20:05

A nanny would absolutely be the best option for you. Pop over to the childcare board for extra help/advice too.

I'm gonna go against the grain here and say- your babies are babies for such a short amount of time. Unless you can never get back into your field for the hit of a career break then I'm inclined to say stay at home (if you enjoy doing so) ..

Original poster

AsongforEurope · 11/08/2015 20:06

I do love it smirked. It's really tempting to quit and enjoy these years. The fact I am losing money makes me think it's a no brainier (heart). Head says think of the long term!

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 11/08/2015 20:07

I think I actually made that point in relation to someone asking about us sharing the drop offs and pick ups and me stating this want possible.

It was in your OP.

Original poster

AsongforEurope · 11/08/2015 20:08

Ok. My mistake surlycue. Still wasn't looking for sympathy.

OP posts:

Duckdeamon · 11/08/2015 20:12

If you're not married quitting work would be putting yourself in a very vulnerable position financially.

SurlyCue · 11/08/2015 20:14

Still wasn't looking for sympathy.

I didnt give you any pet

It came across in your OP (perhaps unintentionally) that you were whingeing about your DP having to do drop offs and picks ups. As if was some sort of hardship. Perhaps he is complaining about having to do it and youve adopted his viewpoint on it?

Husbanddoestheironing · 11/08/2015 20:20

It's a really difficult choice. On the whole now I am glad I stuck it out, but I regularly went through periods in the pre-school years of thinking 'that's it, I can't do it anymore'. I also looked far and wide to get a slightly less demanding part time job more locally, but they just don't seem to exist. In a lot of areas you can't get a parttime job unless you have a full time job before children and reduce your hours, and that really scared me. I didn't want to end up having to spend the primary school years working full time and I now really value the 2 days I can be at home, do homework, help at school, get the jobs etc done, and have time with DCs in the holidays. On the other hand if I had been made redundant (as was likely several times) or if work had pushed me just that bit too far a bit too often I would have left to spend a few years at home without a backward glance. Whatever you decide at least you will feel you made an informed choice and can make the best of it. Good luck with everything let us know what you decide and how it goes.

Original poster

AsongforEurope · 11/08/2015 20:21

Nope curlysue we are a team and he is v supportive of whatever I decide to do. More than happy to pull his weight in whatever way he needs too. Perhaps my wording in the original message didn't fully reflect this.

OP posts:

minipie · 11/08/2015 20:21

Working for a net loss to the family can make sense for many reasons:

1 - it will only be a temporary loss until childcare costs reduce at age 3/school age, and then it will be a net gain

2 - it will only be a temporary loss because as you get more senior you will earn more, and then it will be a net gain

3 - it will be hard to get back into work at the same level if you take time out

4 - you enjoy work/would go nuts as a SAHP (bit of a luxury this one)

5 - if God forbid you split up with DH, you will be expected to work to support yourself financially and that will be much easier if you have been in recent employment

Agree with everyone suggesting look into a nanny as it is easier and probably cheaper, especially if you have space for live in. Added bonus is nannies will look after sick kids unlike nurseries...

Original poster

AsongforEurope · 11/08/2015 20:22

Just a thought, my work is 3 days a week. Is a nanny likely to want to work part time?

OP posts:

SelfLoathing · 11/08/2015 20:23

I would just give up work, I know it isn't for everyone but children are young once.

Conversely, children are only young for a short period of time and self satisfaction (+ income) from a career isn't something that you can walk back into with ease once they are grown up.

It sucks slithytoad eh?

I was scrolling down this thread and read this as "It sucks a slithytoad eh?" and thought it was a new expression as in "man! that really sucks a slithytoad!" and wondered what the hell it actually meant - before realising it was a typo reply to slithytove (presumably of The Wabe).

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 11/08/2015 20:24

Have you looked into compressed hours (ie where you work longer hours than usual on some days in order to work shorter hours / not at all on others)? If you can both do that and reduce the child care bill to three days that might help the sums add up?

smurkedsalmon · 11/08/2015 20:24

Jesus Surlycue- what's up with you? The OP is coming to the end of her maternity leave- a highly emotive time. She's facing a really big decision and things like two drop offs ten miles apart is pretty rubbish even if you decide to suck it up and get on with it. She was painting a full picture.. give the woman a break!

If you enjoy being a SAHM, and can cope on one wage then go for it OP. Not everyone WANTS a career. Some things are more important to different people. Have a little think about alternative work paths.. I'm unsure of your field or particular role, but consider how you might keep in touch/keep up to date/employable while your out. Accept you won't walk back in at the same level.

There's this overwhelming opinion on MN that you are destined to be untouchable if you take a break. Be realistic, think it all through. . But don't ever feel guilty for chosing one path over another if it's right for you as a whole.

Best of luck.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 11/08/2015 20:26

just seen that you are already part time, so scrap my thought re compressed hours!

Yes, nannies do work part time - I've advertised for all sorts of combinations of odd hours before and had lots of interest (though being in London will have helped increase the potential pool, I accept)

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 11/08/2015 20:31

How long until your big 1 (assuming big one and little two????) is 3 as you'll save some money then.

Also as it is a year that you have to cover this for can you cut the time down a bit? So you tack some unpaid parental leave on your mat leave? And then take all your holidays that you've earned over the year. (And you get paid for these - so money for no childcare costs. :) ) How does your dh's salary compare to childcare? Is it worth him also taking a few weeks unpaid leave or does he earn more than the childcare? What if he took parental leave and you worked 5 days for a few weeks? Would that earn you some extra holiday that you could then use to delay "childcare start" a bit longer.

Any family members who would be up for coming for a week to do some childcare to delay for another week? Or even to just do drop off and pick up so that your Dh can have an easier week / bump up his hours?

It must be hard though Op - we only have two and the age gap between them / months that they were born / me taking Every Single Minute I could possibly squeeze out of my maternity leave meant that we only had two in nursery for about 8 weeks before dd started school. We are both high earners but it was still a bit of a shock just how much of my pay was going on childcare.

Squeezedmiddlemummy · 11/08/2015 20:31

There are many nannies, childminders, mothers help, willing to work part time, in fact some prefer it as they have LO's of their own.
Have you considered a wrap around childminder? They will take the children to school and pick them up again. I'm not sure but I think childminders work at an hourly rate so they may be a cheaper option than a nanny. I forgot your OP. Are the children full time at school? Have a chat to there mum's at school to see what they do? (In regards to childcare)

Artandco · 11/08/2015 20:34

Do consider a nanny with own child. They bring their child with them in exchange for slightly lower hourly rate. They are most likely candidates for wanting part time hours. 4 children instead of 3 around the same age won't make much difference to what they do each afternoon ( nap, walk, play in garden, feed them)

BikeRunSki · 11/08/2015 20:38

Look at the long term. You may be working at a loss for 1/2/3 years, (for me it was 18 months) but you'll be in profit over the longer term.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 11/08/2015 20:41

It sounds like you're basically losing more money the more hours you work. With that in mind, what would be the minimum number of hours you could work and still keep your place on the ladder? Ie it might be worth investigating if there's any way you can do the same job but just 2 days a week, or 2.5 days. Thus costing you less.

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