To think it's crazy to work for a loss of money

[AsongforEurope]

I know it will only be for a year or so and I need to think about career prospects for the future but I'm soon to end mat leave, I have 3 dc's under 3 and I have worked it out, I will be returning to work and I will be quite considerably out of pocket. It's crazy. I can't afford to be paying to go to work but I don't want to loss my independence. My return to work will also mean my DP will have to do drop offs and pick ups as my part time contract means I work long hours the days I work. He will have to drive to two nurseries (the first, cheaper nursery doesn't take children until they are two). These nurseries are 10 miles apart (rural location) so he won't get to work until late and has to leave early and will have to make the hours up on a Saturday. Just can't see it working despite the fact I want it to. Any advice?

Short term you are right, but you have to think long term. I have always worked full time. for 1 year when our 2 kids were at nursery at the same time my entire net salary went to the nursery , money was tight as I still had to pay for my commute to London , but it was the only way to keep my career on track.

When we decided to have a 3rd child we went for a bigger age gap so that my second started school when the 3rd went to nursery. Also went for a summer baby so in effect will pay for one less year (which will save us (£12k).

Term time, childcare for our 3 is £80 a day, almost double in holidays. We have no family nearby who can help with free childcare.

But. As far as I see it, I have another 30 years of work before I retire, and I would rather do a job I enjoy, not to mention worked bloody hard to get and then progress. Many of my mum friends who work are in non-jobs or struggling to get back. Also my DH was made redundant once and it was a relief to still be able to pay the mortgage. Once the last one leaves nursery it will be cheaper and I will get a pension at the end of it. Tbh, I don't see why people who don't work should get a pension too. My mum worked full time and her income helped pay for my university degrees, and I don't see why I should not set the same example to my daughter and allow her to be a strong and independent woman with a worthwhile career.

It's so stressful and spoiling the last few months of my mat leave. I feel so overwhelmed by the decisions I need to make. I honestly can't see how our family can afford this loss, we are already massively stretched. Tax credits already factored into the costs.
Work aren't being flexible. I have requested different working patterns but it's not possible in my role so I'm stuck with the long days (my commute is a big one so this is a factor also). I just need to make a decision and stick to it. I imagine I'll feel better then either way.

In your situation, assuming it wouldn't cause major hardship, I'd actually go back to work because I like work, would be worried about career break and would factor increased future earning to the question of how affordable it was. But I'm in a field where career breaks are hard and there is a career ladder.

And completely agree with sleep about the finances.

sap you don't think people who don't work should get a pension? I have heard the lot now. Be grateful for the fact you can eh?
op can you afford (career wise) to take a small break? How old are you?

If you work, your family income is less, but you are earning money and don't have to ask your DH if you want to buy something.

If you don't work, your family income is less but you are not earning money and you are dependent on your DH.

Which would you prefer?

A nanny or childminder may be cheaper than three lots of nursery fees plus it would mean less travel.

I would work for a loss as its a few years of pain for a lot of positives. Nobody can read the future and giving up financial independance comes with huge risks not to mention loss of pension, no recent work experience etc.

Lovely term Sapat... A mum in a non-job...how superior you must feel

sleeponeday - it's usually the lowest paid partner who is the one who's wage is set against the childcare costs. Sadly, that's usually the mother, but it doesn't always work that way, I know a few SAHDs who have made the same calculation.

OP - if your DH can work on a Saturday, for a year it might well be worth him requesting a full day swap to working all day Saturday and having a day off in the week instead so you are only paying for 2 days childcare, with him having to work on Saturdays for part the day anyway you aren't going to be able to do traditional weekends anyway, so why not pay for 2 days care rathr than 3? It's worth an ask.

It is such a short time for you, I assume you can get your twins in the cheaper nursery at 2, and then make a profit (and your eldest will be entitled to 15 hours free then, right?). Also worth looking at nanny costs, most are cheaper than nursery for 3 DCs, but that is a fixed cost, so the price won't fall when your eldest gets their 15 hours preschool, just that the nanny will have to drop them off and pick up. (but still be paid the same with just the other 2).

I gave up work when it became apparent with 2 DCs I'd make a loss but also my job was changing to something more junior (even if the job title was staying the same) so it wasn't something that was 'keeping my career going'. A year on I miss working, and am considering looking for work again from September as DC2 will be going to pre-school (and as we'll have to pay for pre-school anyway, I'm knocking that off the childcare bill in my head as that's what we'd pay if I was at work or at home! It's a bit 'cheat' to make me feel better about looking at jobs where i'll work for a loss for 2 years until DC2 is at school!). But I think it's very hard to leave your babies and be at work having a bad day thinking "I'm not even making any money from this."

Thanks dinosauroar it will be hard leaving them and paying for the privilege. We have considere my dh doing one day childcare but it still leaves the other two days I work with him doing short days so he would need to make up these hours as well. He would then need to work a Saturday and make up the hours in an evening or two. It would mean we rarely see each other and I just don't think this is workable with 3 young children.

Regarding my wages taking a hit I should have written our family finances running at a loss as we do already work everything out of one account.

Have you looked into tax fee vouchers - both you and your DH can claim them if your employers are opted into the scheme. It's infuriating that the government delayed the new childcare scheme for a year because with 3 kids it might have benefitted you hugely.

Definitely look into nanny costs - your planned nursery logistics look insupportable.

But it really comes down to the details of your job. Will you be able to get another job from scratch if you wait another year? Or two or three years? Could you have a chat with a recruitment consultant about the supply/demand situation in your industry?

Wait family finances running at a loss as in childcare will cost more than your and his wages together? That's a very different situation...

It depends how much you want to work and what the opportunities are for the future.

I switched jobs recently to a new job with more prospects. For the next 2 to 3 years I will struggle. i end up with less than I had at my old job. Costs of childcare outweigh earnings and I would be better off on benefits (genuinely)

But at least everything I have is my own. And in the next few years there will be a shift and I will have more money. For now it sucks but in the future it will be worth it.

The happiest mums I know are the ones who tightened their belts for a year or two to stay in their pre-baby jobs and work part time. Think long term!

Is it worth putting an ad on somewhere like childcare.co.uk? You might be able to find a live-out nanny who can help. When we were stressing about childcare we had one or two chats with older nannies who were looking to cut their hours down slightly, which could work?

If you got a nanny your dp could do a Saturday and not have to make up his late starts and early finishes?

Mellowjello yes, adding all our outgoings together the family finances are running at a loss if I go back to work. If I stay at home, we just about break even.

Family finances running at a loss as in if just dh works, they break even or have spare.

If op goes back to work, her entire earnings and then some are swallowed in childcare costs.

So as a family they have more money if she stays at home.

We are in the same boat op. Difference is I hate my job. But I will have to find part time evening work to make ends meet.

It sucks slithytoad eh?

Looking long term, how easy would it be to negotiate another part time contract? You really need to look at the cost over the next 10 years or so, and think of how easy it will be to do your current job around school hours and term times. You have a right to try to negotiate flexible work when you are in a job, but you don't have any rights when you are applying for a job.

Cost wise, if you can work around school hours/use a child minder, the costs will only be this high for another year or so (unless you have triplets!)

Then a nanny or a childminder who'll do longer days so your DH doesn't have to start late/leave early for 2 days might be the best option for the next year or 2.

Worth pricing it up as non-nursery options, it's rarely the cheapest way with 3 DCs.

If you really can't make it work financially, is yours the sort of job you can take a year or so out of and still get back into it? Would a different employer be more flexible? (aware if you are rural it's not as simple as saying 'work for someone else' as there's not the same number of employers so not the same options)

I was in the same situation, we had twins as well and I was gobsmacked that what I thought was a good salary wouldn't cover the childcare for all three. Before anyone says it is a shared cost yes it is, we have completely shared finances. We compared the three options of each one of us not working and both working and it didn''t stack up financially. Consider the costs of the next three years, as childcare support for 15 / 30 hours kicks in it could make a difference. Consider how to cover holidays as well, holiday clubs cost quite a bit.

You don't have to make a definitive decision now, you could try it out for a while to see how it works as a family. If it isn't you can consider different options.

I do agree with other posters about long term security either if the marriage ends or if your DH loses his job. DH felt a lot of pressure being the sole earner.

For us it didn't work as a family and we decided that I would stay at home whilst they were still at preschool. I would have been working for no/little morning with additional stresses that we didn't need. It has worked out, I went back to work part time when they were 3 and my role has expanded since then. I have gone back in a different line of work but I had a lot of transferable skills. I am lucky because it is a term time role but I would have considered temping (works in my field for mat leave cover / projects etc) to keep the flexibility for holidays. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

There's other things to factor in too, not just your childcare options but with 3 DCs, is living rurally practical given your careers? Some are fine wherever you are, but for some, the benefits of living further out are outweighed by issues like this, it making it impossible for both to work given drop offs and pick ups from nurseries - or could you look at nurseries/childminders closer to your DH's work so he can drop just before going to work/pickup quickly after leaving work so that he doesn't have to alter his work hours so significantly (possibly making up the time on the days you aren't working).

I'd look into a childminder OP. My kids adore ours. The cost might not be that different to nursery, but it would make pick ups/drop offs easier.

I'd also seriously consider taking time out of your career. I was brought up with a strong work ethic and always presumed I'd work after kids, which I did, but although I love my job, homelife is stressful and I'm a shouty, irate mum.

If you took time out, are there things you could do to keep your foot in the door? Voluntary work? Courses?