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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Facebook-related, sorry

35 replies

pasturesgreen · 10/08/2015 22:21

So, I get this is very trivial, but I'd appreciate some advice.

A friend of mine has started some time ago to share literally all my Facebook posts and updates: profile pictures, status updates, each and every photo I post...

In the interest of not drip feeding, said person is a RL long time friend who had a crush on me for some time after we first met, if it might be relevant.

I'm not a massive Facebook user, have only got a limited number of "friends" (around 80) and have strict privacy settings. My friend sharing my posts mean his 800+ circle of fb friends get to see my updates, which is starting to grate a bit and I'm not comfortable with.

I do understand that whenever you post something online you sort of relinquish your rights to it, iyswim, but I also rather liked the idea of my posts only being visible to my limited circle of friends.

Would I be unreasonable to ask my friend to please stop sharing everything on my wall or should I just suck it up and put it down to different perspectives on fb etiquette?

Thanks for reading this far!

OP posts:
ChwatFeechers · 10/08/2015 22:23

Why on earth is he sharing your things? Have you asked him to stop?

SaucyJack · 10/08/2015 22:24

Just reading that gave me the creeps.

Zeitgeistic · 10/08/2015 22:25

It would irritate me no end. I'm assuming you don't want to unfriend? Create a Restricted list and put her on it. She'll only be able to see things in your wall if you specifically opt her in. Or add her to your Acquaintances list if you think that's a bit drastic.

laffymeal · 10/08/2015 22:25

Delete and block. That'll learn him.

CanIBeTimmythedog · 10/08/2015 22:26

So you mean private updates or just random kitten pics etc?
Definitely not unreasonable to ask her to stop!
How odd.
Possibly time to restrict what she sees?

DJThreeDog · 10/08/2015 22:26

Either delete and block (which I think would be the most sensible) or add him to a group whereby nothing gets shared with him. You'll have to add mutual friends as well.

It doesn't sound trivial. It sounds creepy and a bit stalkerish.

resipsa · 10/08/2015 22:27

You can limit your posts which he shares to mutual friends, I'm sure. Have you XX your security settings? My DH is v cyber conscious; if I share anything of his, it only gets see by mutual friends (ie those who'd have seen it anyway so a pointless exercise!).

HedgehogAtHome · 10/08/2015 22:27

You should be able to set your privacy so that only your friends can see. My friends can try to share my stuff but it should show as 'attachment unavailable' or similar.

I'd delete and block though, not normal behaviour.

Rainicorn · 10/08/2015 22:27

Change your security settings so your posts can only be seen by friends and put him on limited profile.

Creepy.

ToTheGups · 10/08/2015 22:29

Add him to the restricted list and he won't see your updates but will still see that you are his friend.

SnapesCapes · 10/08/2015 22:30

That's really odd, could you just ask him why?

EeyoresTail · 10/08/2015 22:30

Can you change your privacy settings so only friends can see what you post. That way when they share what you put it can't be seen by their friends unless they are your's too.

tilliebob · 10/08/2015 22:31

My privacy settings are so no one can share my posts? I must have googled how to do it initially as I am not tetchy minded!

He sounds well weird by the way - BLOCK!

Original poster
pasturesgreen · 10/08/2015 22:32

CanIBe, I mean literally everything: personal updates, my own photos and even random kitties' pics...just every bloody thing I post!

Unfriending definitely not an option, so I guess I'll just ask to stop first, if that doesn't work will restrict.

Glad I'm not the only one to find this sort of behaviour odd!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/08/2015 22:33

Yep it's really creepy I'm afraid.

urbanturban · 10/08/2015 22:35

I saw an article earlier today that shows how you can change your settings to omit just one person......perhaps do this and then 'add in' this person to the odd post about kittens, articles etc (just don't let them see 'personal' stuff, IYSWIM?)

laffymeal · 10/08/2015 22:35

Why is it 'not an option"? Their behaviour is awful, get rid.

Yambabe · 10/08/2015 22:36

What Hedgehog says, check your own settings.

If your posts/pics are set to "friends only" then he can share away, nobody who is not also your friend will be able to see them.

AliceInUnderpants · 10/08/2015 22:36

Why on earth have you allowed it to go on "for some time"?

SpringBreaker · 10/08/2015 22:36

Why is unfriending not an option? Facebook is not mandatory.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2015 22:46

Why can't you unfriend / block?

Szeli · 10/08/2015 22:49

if you only share your things with your 80 via your privacy settings him sharing your posts wont change that, they'll only be viewable to you and any mutual friends.

it's still not nice but at least you know they arent being viewed by strangers

soloula · 10/08/2015 22:51

I'd add him to a separate friend list that you only post stuff to every now and then if blocking isn't an option. I'd imagine some of your other mutual friends might be getting fed up with the same posts popping up a couple of times on their feed so that would be a way to fix it so that it's once in a blue moon rather than all the time so everyone is happy.

Original poster
pasturesgreen · 10/08/2015 22:52

It's a long time friend I see quite often in real life, and has always been a good friend to me, apart from this recent odd episode, so I really don't want to go down the blocking option first thing.

Anyway, just needed reassurance I wasn't over thinking this - have now asked him to stop, I'll see how this is received and move forward accordingly.

It's puzzling because he does not normally act so strange, maybe he doesn't realise how his behaviour is coming across...

OP posts:
CanIBeTimmythedog · 10/08/2015 22:59

It really is odd, quite stalkerish. I have different lists, friends, close friends etc
I'd add him to the friends or aquintences lists and only share with my close friends list. I'd occasionally share with all friends though so he doesn't realise?? Just a harmless joke/-bloody- minion,cute kitten etc
I hope that makes sense? Not too good at explaining. I hope someone else will confirm something like that would work.
Why can't you unfriend? Don't say if you don't want to, I'm just nosy!