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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bloody HV

168 replies

NinjaPanda34 · 10/08/2015 22:06

I could write a book about my health visitor. Today she said "oh x's eye looks really sore", er you silly moo, it's a birth mark and it's the same fcuking birthmark that you comment on every time you come. It's red. It's a birthmark. There is nothing wrong with his eye.
Sigh.

OP posts:
LegoComplex · 11/08/2015 12:54

mine were ok, a but useless with bfing help but otherwise fine

Tinandgonic · 11/08/2015 13:09

Thank goodness arendellequeen I think your statement is complete and utter bollocks Grin they're bloody useless. Can't answer a question with a straight answer or even help women settle into their new roles as mothers. So kindly do one back to your Frozen Kingdom piss off

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 11/08/2015 13:17

I guess HV are like most other professionals in that there are some stellar, most fine and some appalling - but the ones that stick out in our memories (particularly for those of us who haven't seen a HV for many many years) are the stellar and appalling. And I bet that due to the huge cuts in funding and a general creaky health care system even the HV are becoming rarer. Which is a travesty, really, given the important role that they have. If it was a service affecting mostly men at a vulnerable point in their lives, I wonder if this would still be the case...

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 11/08/2015 13:22

And for the record, I had one stellar HV with DS (who was far from straightforward, being a prem baby with jaundice) and the only HV I saw with DD wasn't exactly helpful: I took DD to a weighing / general clinic shortly after she was placed with us (she is adopted) to get her checked over and onto their "books" as a newly arrived Looked After Child in their borough, and the HV just looked at me and said "well, what do you want me to do with her?". We didn't go back (we luckily didn't really need to access HV services after that anyway).

iMum · 11/08/2015 13:40

One asked me if I was going to tempt fate with my next delivery and opt for a home water birth again (I had planned a hwb for my dad but she was still born in hosp just a few days prior to this convo)
Then the same hv phoned me once I had got home following my dds still birth to invite us both to a baby massage class.
Mind boggles

AndtonightMatthew · 11/08/2015 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kangaroosjump · 11/08/2015 14:01

My friend had the misfortune of being involved in a case conference and her HV apparently glared at everyone when a mobile phone started ringing, gave a few comments about how people should turn these things off in serious situations then when she realised it was hers and rushed to get out of the room declaring it must be an emergency if it was hers... Managed to switch the lights off rather than press the exit button for the door plunging the whole conference into darkness as there were apparently no outside windows in the room.

Fortunately the conference went well for my friend and she says the HV turned out to be quite nice in the end but that story does make me giggle and doesn't help the plight of HV's anywhere

Marcipex · 11/08/2015 14:06

iMum , that's awful Flowers

Tinandgonic · 11/08/2015 14:45

Imum that is awful. I'm so sorry Flowers

NeedsAsockamnesty · 11/08/2015 15:25

Unfortunately there are some jobs where people who are bad at them or dishonest or malicious or racist/discriminatory/ or anything like that have high stakes for the families they work with.

These also tend to be the same type of roles where a professional in general is more likely to believed over the family.

And because the stakes are so high it can have catastrophic results,

I've worked with HV's who cancelled meetings then noted that the family cancelled or have made allegations with the family having no knowledge when they shouldn't hbe (even about the wrong family on occasions) ones who view a situation obviously wrongly and intentionally ramp up concerns all to protect the little kiddies,I've met outright dishonest ones and incredibly stupid ones just the same as every other profession I regularly come into contact with. Luckily personally I have only ever come into contact with either great ones o slightly scatty but otherwise harmless ones but professionally is a whole other kettle of fish.

I get grief from a fair few of them as (I openly record all my meetings and attend a fair few with mums)if they lie or misrepresent I do call them out on it, I think rather than defend any shit employee if more decent HV's (or any other role that has the same dynamics between service users/worker) did so it would go a long way to changing perceptions and repairing the damage bad ones cause.
Peoples talking about the bad ones may harm the profession but it is the fault of the bad ones.

So many can be resistant to communicating in writing or making comprehensive notes the type of thing that protects everybody - in my experance if you have one whose cagey about emails or letters then I would be more vigilant when working with them.

And around here they are SS lite the role has changed yet they struggle to be open about it.
I compleatly agree with MrsD nothing wrong with the role but the old role is still a valuable one just as the new one is only problem is only one gets done now.

ArendelleQueen · 11/08/2015 17:24

"Thank goodness arendellequeen I think your statement is complete and utter bollocks grin they're bloody useless. Can't answer a question with a straight answer or even help women settle into their new roles as mothers. So kindly do one back to your Frozen Kingdom piss off."

No, your experience of HVs is that they are useless. Are you not smart enough to work out that just because you've had a bad experience, doesn't mean that everyone has?! Grin By the way, I won't piss off, thanks, if that's all the same to you. I have every right to post on here.

I'm not even a health visitor or a health professional, so have no axe to grind. I just cannot believe the bashing the entire profession gets on here, based on individual people's bad experiences.

ArendelleQueen · 11/08/2015 17:25

So sorry iMum. Flowers It happens when older children and adults pass away too and must be so incredibly painful for their loved ones.

toomuchtooold · 11/08/2015 18:08

I don't have any birthmark ones but one of ours at the clinic mixed up the weight measurements for my twins and then expressed concern that DD2 had lost weight. Confused

MaccaPaccaismyNemesis · 11/08/2015 18:42

When we had DS we lived a little terraced house and didn't have piles of cash, but certainly enough to afford a baby. Every time she came to the house she asked if we wanted healthy start vouchers. I explained that we were both in full time employment and not in receipt of any benefits. She made me feel like we were impoverished and in need of pity.

That, and making me cry because DS would not latch on did not lend me to welcome her into our teeny house!

julesnbump · 11/08/2015 18:46

Mine told me not to go back to work as my children were already at a disadvantage because I was a single parent Angry

Writerwannabe83 · 11/08/2015 18:58

When my DS was about 4 weeks old my HV came round and I was in the middle of a very, very bad phase of dealing with breast feeding, colic and generally feeling exhausted.

When I opened the door to her she asked how I was and I just erupted into tears. I had only met her once before but I threw my arms around her and absolutely sobbed. She gave me a massive hug and then once I had stopped crying we went and sat down to talk about my difficulties. She was with me for well over an hour and she was so supportive and reassuring.

She came to see me a few times after that as I think she was worried about my emotional state and each occasion she stayed with me for quite a long time and I found her invaluable.

My DS is 16 months old now so although I don't have routine visits with her I still call her for advice and see her in Clinic etc and she's just genuinely lovely.

Freeble · 11/08/2015 19:07

Mine was absolutely dotty. Came over while I was breastfeeding dd and kept banging on about 'putting the baby down to sleep' and 'research says you should put the baby down to sleep' . I was a bit puzzled at the emphasis she was putting on this and the long looks she was giving me until she said 'oh! Your feeding!'

Eeeeerrrr yes you nutbag old loon, I am indeed feeding my new born child

TenForward82 · 11/08/2015 19:16

Tinandgonic you can disagree without telling people to piss off Hmm

Welshmaenad · 11/08/2015 19:18

My HV team were LOVELY. Main one v supportive with DD who was a nicu baby and somewhat delayed. Other lady that worked with her I saw a lot of in DS' early days - they had students with them and I was the only mum on their patch who was breastfeeding and using cloth nappies so she used to bring a different student over every week for a cuppa and a biscuit Grin

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/08/2015 19:33

And around here they are SS lite the role has changed yet they struggle to be open about it.

Well I certainly wouldn't be 'open' about something that's not actually the case

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/08/2015 19:42

However I dont work inner city so acknowledge this can make a huge difference

Tinandgonic · 11/08/2015 19:59

Uhhhhhh ArendelleQueen are you not smart enough to comprehend that Aibu is all about people's opinions? I'm shaking my head at you and having a right good chuckle and perhaps you haven't noticed but most of the opinion is skewed towards useless......

TenForward82 · 11/08/2015 20:01

Yes, tin and you can state your opinions without swearing at people or insinuating they should leave the thread. Do you talk to people that way IRL?

Tinandgonic · 11/08/2015 20:10

Hehe and ArendelleQueen using bollocks isn't swearing? Oooohhh I can feel the mumsnetters getting all hypocritical Grin Grin

TenForward82 · 11/08/2015 20:14

IMHO, there's a difference between an exclamation of swearing and a direct instruction to "piss off", but I'm not the MN police. I'm just someone who thinks that it's possible to debate on the internet without personal attacks and name-calling, a concept that's foreign to some MNetters, it seems. shrug