Bloody HV

[NinjaPanda34]

I could write a book about my health visitor. Today she said "oh x's eye looks really sore", er you silly moo, it's a birth mark and it's the same fcuking birthmark that you comment on every time you come. It's red. It's a birthmark. There is nothing wrong with his eye.
Sigh.

My HV told me, my (newborn) 11lb was far too overweight and that I should be ashamed of myself. 75th gentile for weight, 99th for length, ridiculously broad shoulders that got stuck during his birth
He takes after his father. I refused to see any HVs again.

Closer - that's why I said I had a good one as well.

Holymoly I cannot believe you "grassed her in" and six years later still hope she got in trouble for that comment some people are ridiculously easily offended

I know of a HV who said that the baby was refusing the mother's breastmilk because the mum's a teacher and, as all teachers are stressed, the milk becomes sour

My HV accused me of having PND (and I really do mean accused) because I looked rough and tired. I'd been up all night with DD (soon to be diagnosed as lactose intolerant), I had chronic sinusitis and I'd just heard the song that was played at the funeral of a child I'd taught. I tried to explain all of that, but no- I apparently had PND.

God I could write a book on my HV too but her most memorable fail was several years ago when I was pregnant with my second she was doing the antenatal classes. Explaining the mechanism of birth with a life size doll and pelvis only she held the pelvis upside down and got the baby stuck Luckily I was able to point out her stupidity but I think the other first time Mums were a bit freaked out!

My auntie was told my cousin was too fat and she should be ashamed, he'd struggle to crawl and would certainly never(!) walk unless she put him on a diet.

DA kicked her out and never saw another HV again apart from letting her ds walk into a clinic unassisted at 9mo

My HV with DD1 was a nightmare. (I later found out another mum had sent her away and told her never to return, after she had more or less accused her of being a bad influence and starving her DC. The mum (and DC) were naturally thin (so obviously anorexic) and also the mum had funny eating habits (a vegetarian ) .
Anyway admittedly a stupid question (first born and all that) but I asked her about wiping DDs vulva during a nappy change as I read that you shouldn't -but what if was a poo nappy and needed cleaning? She said you should - but just one quick swipe.... and best not let daddy do it WTF?
I had to go back to work at 3 months and she obviously didn't approve - kept making comments eg telling me the baby clinic was on a certain afternoon followed by 'but you won't be able to make that, will you?'
She also told me not to allow DD to mix with other babies until she had had all her vaccinations...which meant that I didn't go to the local baby and toddler group because by the time she could go I was back at work. (She was actually at Nursery with lots of other babies before she had had all her injections - don't know why that didn't click with me .) Anyway not going is something I really regret as I and DD knew no-one locally until she started school.
We got a new HV (think old one was given the push) who as part of a development check did a lift out puzzle with DD1. It was the tweenies characters - and DD1 (being a PFB and at nursery full time) had never seen them - so being asked to lift out 'Doodles' etc was met with a blank stare - when I explained she wouldn't know the names HV was truly amazed and made me feel like I was a terrible mother for depriving DD of watching them .
HV for DD2 was better but still...a bit tactless sometimes. DP and I are the same age - actually DP is a couple of months older - she asked me - in front of DP - if I could tell her how I had managed to get myself a toy boy . Both my DCs had Mongolian blue spots - DP is quite light skinned - she questioned me - was DP the father? Then was he really Arabic? He didn't look it...
Funny birthmarks - I have a black pigment mark on my ankle and have had lots of problems with my legs, so they have needed examining - I have lost count of the times a Dr has seen it and thought it is a melanoma and asked me 20 questions about it ...I even looked into getting it removed (difficult and painful) to stop the questions...now I just tell them then what it is before they ask so they concentrate on what they are really supposed to be looking at...

My health visitor is useless and always about 2 hours late. She pesters us to go to baby groups when we do loads with him and because of her lateness, she ruins any plans for the day. She also gave us such wrong feeding advice that I took DS to A&E for projectile vomiting (out of hours doc was worried it was pyloric stenosis). It turns out we were overfeeding him because she told us to (he's on 9th centile, long and thin like his dad). But because I have a diagnosis of bipolar (and have had zero issues since birth) and under perinatal team I can't tell her to go away.

My HV was fab, she literally was a lifesaver when I was struggling with PND. The mental health team waiting list was very long, so she was my lifeline at the end of the phone. I was sad when we moved house and out of her catchment area. She was a gem

Lovely lovely lovely first health visitor, she gave me a hug after arriving to find me crying with tiredness and stress at the possibility of being made homeless.

Crap second one, I had been diagnosed with exhaustion. I was getting skinny, had a very fast pulse rate and kept getting dizzy as though I would faint.
She tutted and said she knew mummies with three kids and they could cope fine, I obviously wasn't 'cut out for it'.
I was so low I believed her!
Then a couple of months after dd started sleeping bettet, and i felt normal again
after I'd had had a year of no more than two hours at a time it hit me, what a silly cow.

She thought my mate was unemployed because she was at home when she called in, and was really sniffy with her. Err no, her baby was 12 weeks old. It's called maternity leave!

My first health visitor with ds1 told me to stop being silly when I was sobbing due to pnd. Luckily my gp was in the next room and must have overheard and came in.
With ds2 my health visitor was amazing and spent loads of time helping me through pnd.
Then we moved I took ds2 to see them to be told his speech was really behind and ordered to go back in 2 weeks for an assessment. We went back and a different one told me how advanced his speech was :/
I have avoided them with dd

My MIL is a HV...

My first one was so pointless she probably caused me harm when she could have helped me. I had PND and anxiety, breastfeeding problems and DD never slept. She would sit grinning and nodding while I spoke and then after she left I would read the sticker she put in the red book and it would say "no problems, feeding well, mother and baby fine etc".

She also asked me what DDs personality was, when she was about 2 weeks old, and I couldn't answer it because she just cried and puked and pooed. I had bonding issues so it made me feel crap for not knowing my own daughter. But to be fair to the HV I am still not sure if I should have known the answer or if it was an odd question.

I had a different one a few months later who the GP asked to visit me when she diagnosed my PND, and she was SO much better. Supportive in a constructive and practical way and listened to what I was saying.

They are all different and I think it's just luck if you find one you click with. I wonder are you allowed to ask to see a different one or are they too stretched to accomodate that?

Mine was brilliant all the way through.

Those who aren't, should be complained about.

DS1's HV informed us that DS1 has a 'triangular face' which was an indicator of something seriously wrong and told us that he probably wouldn't live past his 3rd birthday. ( he's now 14)

We didn't see one with DS2.

My HVs have always been lovely. We have 2 local ones and DS1 and 2 finished up with one each. I wasn't terribly keen on DS2's to start with. She was quite stand-offish and she wasn't very good at slipping all the necessary questions about DV etc into normal conversation, so it made for really stilted discussions where there'd be a long pause and she'd go 'er, so your partner, everything okay there?' followed by 'hmm' and indiscreet note taking.

Then one visit she burst into tears as soon as she walked in the door. Over tea and biscuits she apologised and said she'd had a very upsetting meeting. She obviously didn't come right out and say so, but it was fairly obvious from the little that she did say that she'd come from a child protection conference where something very distressing had been happening. I always had a soft spot for her after that.

My health visitor was absolutely lovely and all the ones I have met at the weigh in clinic have been equally nice and helpful.

Really at some of the dreadful sounding ones on this thread

I had fantastic HV's with both of my children.

HV1 suspected PND and was there when I finally flipped - she immediately made an appointment with my GP and even came to the appointment with me. She was full of common sense and lived in the real world.

HV2 made contact with me antenatally with DD2 due to my history of PND. She was great and I felt really supported. She was on holiday though when the PND became severe and I was having intrusive suicidal thoughts. I phoned the HV service, someone finally got back to me on Christmas Eve (3 days after my initial phone call) and said she'd arrange for my HV to see me in the New Year

I think a good HV is worth their weight in gold. I really don't know what would have happened to me had I had one like some posters on here have had.

I found my HVs to be really quite useless with their advice, but when I had bad Diastasis Recti after giving birth to DD2, I mentioned it to the HV and she referred me to the women's health physio, who was wonderful and made a huge difference. This was after my GP refused to refer me as "it will fix itself". I will be eternally grateful to her for that.

I live in central Scotland and all my HVs are really lovely. Always there with real, practice advice when you need it. Shame they aren't all like that.

MrsDevere what age was your DS when she wrote that? I ask because a flat nasal bridge and epicanthal folds can make a child seem like he has a squint, which a HV is supposed to check for at the 2 year check. (don't start me on this, I have a long rant about it) It's something I write fairly often when seeing little ones whose nose hasn't developed yet. (I'm not a HV)

I've not had much luck with health visitors, first one for dd1 told me she was obese and that I was obviously over feeding her and the wrong things too. She was 10 months old and was following the same centile from birth, she did have full cheeks but no more full than you would expect and as I had been asking about how little she actually ate (of both solids and milk) it was quite ironic. We moved and then got ditched by the service until I had dd2.
Dd2 hasn't really had much involvement from hv just the normal weighing etc and all was okay there, I did have to ask for advice for dd1 (who was 3 at the time), she referred us for speech and language which I was pleased about as I'd had concerns about it from her being 2 but then when I went on to ask for advice and support with her behaviours she told me I 'was too soft' and needed to 'be tougher'. That my dd wasn't possibly anxious as she was way too young and that her behaviours stemmed from my obvious anxiety issues and I should stop trying to project them onto my child. Same with sleep, if I sleep trained her she would do it (didn't matter that I had tried absolutely everything for years!). I put a complaint in about her and the nursing manager rang me to apologise before changing our health visitor, as I said to the nursing manager it was lucky I didn't have pnd or anxiety at that time as her comments made me fee shit and incompetent.
Three years later dd1 was diagnosed with autism and anxiety...if hv had of actually listened to me objectively instead of sitting in judgement of me my child could have had the support she needed earlier...it still irks me.

My hv was a moron.
Amongst her inanities I had:
-You can't breastfeed well because you are too thin, your body needs fat to break down into milk. Despite dd being bf and me producing enough milk to stock tescos

• she's not like you is she? Where is she from? Erm my womb dickhead.
• when a chunky baby, a lecture on how people with eds often overcompensate with their kids. ( never had an ed, I'm just thin and always was)
• thin leggy toddler, I'd passed on my ed. And as she wouldn't touch milk, should offer creamy desserts instead of more savouries. Cheese apparently wasn't dairy and I needed to keep trying with milk and yoghurt.
• started solids early on gps advice, hv said no baby can digest food till 6mnths, and I should have used hungry baby formula alongside bf
• dd wasn't hyper mobile, all babies are flexible, and if she was then that's a positive thing.
• having animals and being outdoorsy was bad for immunity, new mums should stay in for a few weeks.

Lots more too. Mad as a hatter. But in fairness the other hv at the clinic was brilliant and everyone spoke highly of her, she didn't just do her job she went above and beyond. And I've met others that were brilliant too.

I remember hv trying to weigh my tiny screaming twins, saying 'god I dont know how you STAND it'

She made me lol for weeks afterwards

I don't remember having a good health visitor! It's not just that they seem pointless to me but I've had a few incidents over 4 dc. Couple that stick out...

My first hv with ds prescribed him some cream for his eczema which I dutifully used but he had a terrible reaction to it so I stopped. She gave me a right bollocking saying I hadn't given it enough time to work despite his skin being red and bleeding. I told her I wouldn't be using it as he was clearly uncomfortable. Ds was fussing so I went to get a bottle and when I came back she was applying the flipping cream to him! I was for a few seconds before snatching him up and making it clear she'd overstepped the mark.

Took him to weigh in clinic, the same health visitor loudly told me in front of a room full of other mums that I was neglecting my son's skin because it looked really dry and that if I didn't stop it she'd be making frequent visits to my house. DS was screaming, brand new baby, cold, naked etc and she said "Look he's crying in pain" I was 17 and devastated. Have never took another baby to open weigh in.

With dd2, different hv told me she'd report me to social services if I didn't have her vaccinated. She'd missed one jab because of a house move.