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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Household electoral roll form addressed only to DH

58 replies

soloula · 10/08/2015 16:28

AIBU to feel more than a bit peeved that an electoral registration form for our home from the council was addressed solely to DH - presumably as the man of the house. It's 2015 for fuck's sake. We have a joint mortgage but apparently it's the man's job to let the council know the details of those in the household who are eligible to vote. What if DH worked away or was really bad at keeping up with paperwork and as I don't open his mail would I be excluded as he hadn't replied on my behalf in time? Surely it should be addressed to both householders (as our council tax letters are) or we both get one separately?

OP posts:

derektheladyhamster · 10/08/2015 16:29

Ours was addressed to me. Was it because he signed the last one? I always do ours so I wonder if this is the reason it's addressed to me

abc73 · 10/08/2015 16:31

Ours is addressed to me because I signed the last one.

Contraryish · 10/08/2015 16:31

I think it's addressed to the oldest person in the household, so ours comes to me.

ScouseQueen · 10/08/2015 16:32

Ours was addressed to 'The Occupier' even though both our names are on the electoral roll from last time. As it should be!

fourtothedozen · 10/08/2015 16:32

Ours was addressed to me too- but again it was me who signed the last form.
I don't think there is any sexism going on here.

PurpleDaisies · 10/08/2015 16:33

I highly doubt that it was addressed to the man of the house on purpose. Ours was addressed to me. It'll be to do with who filled it last or something like that.

Why not contact the council and ask them?

LazyLouLou · 10/08/2015 16:34

It depends entirely on how you provided the information to them. They make no assumptions these days, whoever sends it in gets it addressed to them.

So I get ours also.

I also open DHs letters if he is away and it looks important. My post / his post is usually just 'our post', so, although I usually leave his so he can feel all grown up when opening it, it doesn't really matter.

TheTroubleWithAngels · 10/08/2015 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diploddycus · 10/08/2015 16:35

Ours was addressed to DH. So it is of course still sitting on the dining room table.

StandoutMop · 10/08/2015 16:35

Ours came to me, as others have said, I completed the last one and put me first so they send it to me.

araiba · 10/08/2015 16:37

seems yabu

FenellaFellorick · 10/08/2015 16:38

Ours came to me. I'm younger than him so it's not by age.

I think it's because when I filled the previous ones in, I listed myself first.Maybe that's it. It goes to whoever is listed first?

Think they are changing the system because the form was just to confirm who lives there and it said everyone would then get their own form.

BertPuttocks · 10/08/2015 16:38

Ours was addressed to "The Occupier" but has both our names on the form inside. Dh's name is first on the form but that could be because he's older or because it's in alphabetical order.

Trapper · 10/08/2015 16:39

My wife and I got one each.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 10/08/2015 16:40

I sincerely doubt that this is a case of sexism. As previous posters have pointed out, it could be because he was the last person to sign the declaration or had put himself first on the list of people living in the house.

Ours was addressed to 'The Occupier'.

I think sexism exists - but the problem is people are pointing their anger at totally ridiculous and irrelevant shite, exactly like this.

MaxPepsi · 10/08/2015 16:42

Ours is addressed to the Occupier, despite us both being listed.

I presumed that was because it's a rented property.

DH's name is first on the list - he filled it out, he's the eldest, his name is first alphabetically.

I don't actually care!

ScouseQueen · 10/08/2015 16:47

Sexism does show up in these things, though unevenly. The same council now addressing our letter to The Occupier sent a cheque made out just to DH for our council tax refund when we moved, even though the account had both our names on it. How did they know we weren't divorcing and might not have been fair about splitting the money?

These things are contributions to sexism, but I don't think anyone's saying they are as bad as unequal pay and so on. However OP makes a good point that post might not be acted on if the addressee was away.
Sending all letters to The Occupier would get round that and also save effort.

ScouseQueen · 10/08/2015 16:48

Max Nope, we own ours so it's not about whether it's rented.

Original poster

soloula · 10/08/2015 16:49

I'm the oldest in the house and I always sign the form myself (so have always put myself first on the list) so it's neither of those reasons. My name comes first alphabetically too. Its the first time it's happened and previous forms were always just addressed to the occupier, even though both names have always been on the list. That's why I was wondering if it was a change in the way they did things (and a step backwards).

I totally agree asmallandnoisymonkey that it really isn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. And I do project my anger at bigger issues too but I'm just a bit peeved as in different circumstances (DH being away, DH being crap at paperwork and missing the deadline etc) I could have missed out on my chance to vote - something I feel really passionately about.

OP posts:

Hi5Hello · 10/08/2015 17:16

Ours comes to me as Council Tax is in my name

Diane31 · 10/08/2015 17:17

There isn't any sexism going on. Just look into it
further. For goodness sake. Some people are always looking for sexism. Gets on my nerves

SquinkiesRule · 10/08/2015 17:23

No sexism, ours came addressed to me and Dh is older. I signed the last one.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/08/2015 17:23

Ours is addressed to my eldest son (22), as are all the estate agents letter asking us to sell our house via them!
No idea why.

somewheresomehow · 10/08/2015 17:26

get over it , it a frigging form not life or death

asmallandnoisymonkey · 10/08/2015 17:31

It's just beauracracy. It's not out to get you, it's not out to belittle you or make you feel like a little woman. It might even be random - it's just a computer system that's set up to do something and may or may not do it well.

Do you honestly, honestly believe that somewhere, someone has set up their system to address the letters to the man of the house? Or does that strike you as a bit daft?

I open all my husbands mail and he opens mine if I'm not about. It's not a big deal, it's just mail and we trust each other. There'll be people coming along now to have a go at the illegality of it all but I couldn't really care any less.

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