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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not provide holiday clothes

57 replies

Littlemisstuffit · 09/08/2015 14:54

and slightly churlish?.....

Ex pays the minimum maintenance possible. Often "forgets" and I have to to text him to ask for it. Refused to offer any money for DDs residential or equipment as "that's what maintenance is for". I asked for some help with uniforms and he said he can't do anything now, possibly end of Sept Hmm

He has just returned from a two week holiday to Aruba and is taking DC away for 5 days next week.

He's just text to ask if I can pack kids summer clothes to take.

AIBU to tell him to bugger off and buy some himself? The kids won't suffer if I don't pack for them, he will buy them if he has to.

OP posts:
G1veMeStrength · 09/08/2015 14:56

YANBU in the slightest!

AliceInUnderpants · 09/08/2015 14:56

If he'll buy them, let him. He can take them home with him again afterwards, and wash them.

But if you think the kids would be more comfortable in clothes they 'know', then YABU.

HuftysTrain · 09/08/2015 15:01

I sympathise but I wouldn't do that, it's not fair to your DC.

TRexingInAsda · 09/08/2015 15:04

YANBU, tell him to pack their clothes himself, and if he doesn't have enough clothes for them for 5 days he'd better get to the shops. What a dipstick, why would you provide the holiday clothes and packing service?!

Dancingqueen17 · 09/08/2015 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

patterkiller · 09/08/2015 15:15

I would probably compromise with telling him they have a few bits that you will pack but he needs to shop for more as their other clothes are too small/grubby/not appropriate.

KissMyFatArse · 09/08/2015 15:20

He should have his own supply of clothes for when kids with him, I wouldn't supply holiday clothes that's his responsibility.

ilovelamp82 · 09/08/2015 15:22

I would message him saying I can't do it at the moment. Ask me again in September.

TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 09/08/2015 15:31

I pre-emptied this from my ex when he took DD (6 at the time) abroad. It started with asking me to take time off to arrange & take DD for inoculations that were needed for the trip. Sent him a detailed list of everything she'd require (clothes/shoes/swimwear/suncreams etc.) & explained he had 6 mths to spread the cost/get organised & I would not be shelling out for the required items as I didn't have the money (true, I couldn't afford a holiday never mind the extras required).

He was pissed off about & did keep all the summer clothes to make a point (the point being DD grew out of them & never wore them outside the holiday) but he did get everything needed & I think the message that he was a parent too & more than capable of preparing in the same I have to, for whatever is needed.

YANBU. At all.

Lonecatwithkitten · 09/08/2015 15:35

Maintenance is related to the number of nights he has them as on those nights he is supposed to provide for them, that would include clothes.

holidaysarenice · 09/08/2015 15:53

I can't pack or provide clothes, I'm being the school uniforms this month.

Fluffyears · 09/08/2015 15:55

You can't afford summer clothes as you need to pay for uniforms. If he wants to take HIS children on holiday ha can pay for HIS children to be suitably attired.

pookamoo · 09/08/2015 15:59

I thought non resident parents "were supposed to" provide clothes for the children to wear while with them? (As lonecat says)

CalmYourselfTubbs · 09/08/2015 15:59

YANBU. let that fucker sort it out himself.

saoirse31 · 09/08/2015 16:30

What do your DC want to do about clothes? I'd go by that.

araiba · 09/08/2015 16:34

if you already have suitable clothes for them to take then yabu

PiperChapstick · 09/08/2015 16:35

I would message him saying I can't do it at the moment. Ask me again in September.

This

chippednailvarnish · 09/08/2015 16:35

"Can't do anything now, possibly end of Sept" would be my response...

chippednailvarnish · 09/08/2015 16:36

X posts!

Liquoricetwirl · 09/08/2015 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rollonthesummer · 09/08/2015 16:37

"Can't do anything now, possibly end of Sept" would be my response...

Perfect!

BitchBags · 09/08/2015 16:41

Yanbu at all! He should be providing them with appropriate clothes for the holiday.

3littlefrogs · 09/08/2015 16:41

"Sorry - they don't have anything that fits and I can't buy any because I have had to buy their school uniform".

CerealEater · 09/08/2015 16:46

Surely they have summer clothes anyway so just send those. Pointless buying another set just for a few days, bad for the environment as simply a waste.

If he pays child support and you get the child benefit and possibly tax credits then with your contribution too it should more than cover basic clothing.

Never get why adults play games like these, just send clothes they already have. They won't need much for five days.

sadwidow28 · 09/08/2015 16:46

I don't think the Ex is asking the OP to buy summer clothes, just to pack some suitable clothes they already possess. I can't see what it will achieve sending the DCs without any clothes and hoping that the Ex will use the holiday 'treat money' to buy another lot of clothes that they probably won't get their full wear from.

There was a thread last week from a step-mother, married to DSCs DF who vented because her DH had been to collect the DCs for their holiday and the DM had gone out at the last minute on the Friday night and left DCs with a relative over-night. The DM hadn't returned home so the DCs had no clothes packed for them at all. The holiday start-time was delayed whilst the DH took DCs to shops to buy clothes - out of the holiday 'treat fund'.

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