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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask why having kids is expensive?

561 replies

HodgePodge23 · 08/08/2015 15:06

What do you need to buy them apart from toys, food, clothes and a few other bits and bobs here and there? I have an 8 month old so maybe things will get more expensive with time, but I really don't understand why people say having children is expensive. What are people spending their money on?

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 08/08/2015 18:09

I had to spend £500 on two weeks holiday club this month because I was on a course.

Then DS had three birthday parties to go to so presents for £50 (they were close friends)

To follow that he lost his coat, hoody and swimmers on the tram during a trip with holiday club. £60 more.

Ripped his only fitting trainers - £40.

£650 unbudgeted pounds this month.

As a single mum it nearly killed me.

MewlingQuim · 08/08/2015 18:30

But saying 'having children costs me x' is blaming the cost on the children Confused

AndNowItsSeven · 08/08/2015 18:32

£50 is not the norm for a birthday present , no matter how close the school friend.

MadamArcatiAgain · 08/08/2015 18:33

I am guessing your DC are still very young, OP

CaptainHolt · 08/08/2015 18:34

But saying 'having children costs me x' is blaming the cost on the children

No it's not, it's stating a fact. If you said 'ds stole my credit card and spent £800 on X-box live'* then that would be blaming them for the £800, but to say, when asked "They eat a lot, need to be clothed and our rent is more because of extra bedrooms." then how is that blaming?

*True story - not my kid

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 08/08/2015 18:38

Extra-curricular activities are veeeeery expensive. If your kid plays an instrument, needs a tutor, plays football/rugby/tennis/whatever - there's always something.

Food. Once they're about 6 or 7, they start eating like adults and then they quickly outstrip you.

You'll need a bigger house.

Extra plane tickets & bedrooms on holiday.

Loss of income.

Egosumquisum · 08/08/2015 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drudgetrudy · 08/08/2015 18:43

I don't get that logic "Mewling-saying buying something child related cost xxx amount is just a neutral statement-it doesn't lay blame anywhere. We make the choice to have kids-we* make the choice to spend money on them. Some of this money has to be found by all parents for food, shelter and clothes-some items are purely personal choice.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 08/08/2015 18:46

Nobody is blaming the kids, they cost. The more you earn the higher the expenditure. Yes your choice, but nobodys kids are free.

grandmaster11 · 08/08/2015 18:53

Some of these examples are ridiculous. Children with 9 pairs of shoes each? 7 year olds eating bacon, beans, eggs, mushrooms, fruit and still being hungry at breakfast? These are not normal examples

SurlyCue · 08/08/2015 18:58

But saying 'having children costs me x' is blaming the cost on the children

No more than saying "having two skiing holidays a year costs me X" is blaming the skiing holiday, which is ridiculous. It isnt blaming te holiday. It is stating the cost!!

Stylingwax · 08/08/2015 18:58

Childcare. £700 for one. Soon to be two.
Am hoping extra costs of when they get older will be offset by no childcare Confused

RedDaisyRed · 08/08/2015 19:03

I am sure I have spent over £1m out of taxed income - oldest is 30 and youngest are teenagers and I am still paying school fees and I will fully fund their university costs will cost about £150k more at least if they get in. Then I am ensuring all 5 are helped with a first house purchase. One daughter cost me £250k since age 18 mostly on things like law school fees etc. My choice. I would much rather spend £1m on the chidlren than the almost £1m I had to pay their father to be free of him on the divorce. Actually there's the cost of a London house too - mortgage was £1.3m at its peak. Now we need the space for 5 children so that cost is due to children too.#

However the basics like love and breastmilk and cuddles are indeed free and ours have second hand clothes etc etc. You just choose your priorities for us school fees from age 3/4 and funding them at university without student loans and for others those are not priorities at all or they don't have the money to fund those things.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 08/08/2015 19:06

Andnowitsseven I said 3 birthday parties.

MewlingQuim · 08/08/2015 19:08

Food, clothes, childcare, yes these are the costs of children.

But if you choose to pay for designer clothes, clubs, fuel to drive your kids to clubs, university, weddings, deposits on a house etc for your kids then that is your choice. It is generous and great for them but it isn't really the 'cost of having children', is it?

I may buy my dog a diamond studded collar, but it would be ridiculous to go on a thread asking 'how much does it really cost to own a dog' and say omg the collars cost a fortune Grin

Attributing a cost to your children is blaming them.

NewLife4Me · 08/08/2015 19:09

Totally agree Red

That was my point really. There are very few people earning the amount you have and of course that money has been used to secure your children's future. I'm certain that's what most people would have done/ be doing in your situation.
However, at the other end of the spectrum are those that struggle with providing the bare essentials and have nothing left for luxuries or the type of education and opportunities you have been able to provide.

So when we say that children are expensive it depends on what you do with your money or lack of it which determines if children are expensive or not.

SurlyCue · 08/08/2015 19:10

stylingwax i glanced too quickly at your post and read it as "styling wax. £700 for one" Grin

NewLife4Me · 08/08/2015 19:11

Mewling

I would like to correct you, childcare isn't a cost of having children but a cost of working.
Children come with free childcare in the form of a parent/ parents.

SurlyCue · 08/08/2015 19:14

Mewling youre being silly and for some odd reason taking this thread very personally. Confused

People spend, and deem necessary, different things. What is essential for one isnt for others and so of corse you will have varying responses on a thread like this. Otherwise it would be one post followed by lots of "exactly what she said" nobody is blaming their children!!

MrsHathaway · 08/08/2015 19:16

It's not free if they would otherwise be working!

A friend's eldest son has DS so although she had expected to go back to work when he was around 9mo she instead spent a good few years in paediatric cardiac wards and only even took part time work once he started at a special school in Y3. She'll never work full time again, and a single 9-3 day at holiday club costs her in the region of £160 because of the specialist 1-to-1.

Her lost earnings over her lifetime will be close to a million pounds.

And he's worth every penny Flowers

SurlyCue · 08/08/2015 19:18

So when we say that children are expensive it depends on what you do with your money or lack of it which determines if children are expensive or not.

So would it be fair to say children are expensive proportional to income? For someone a £15 logoed school jumper is unjustifiable because they are a lone parent on an income of £13,000 but of course a £15 jumper isnt expensive to red as she has a much higher income to work with.

vinoandbrie · 08/08/2015 19:20

The full time nanny doesn't come free. Nor do school fees, nor do uniforms or summer clubs (last two are just a couple of standouts for this month alone).

I recognise everyone makes different choices, but this is what make my two expensive for me.

LoadsaBlusher · 08/08/2015 19:25

Childcare here too - just under half of my take home pay
Good shoes and jackets cost quite a bit and we have to buy new sizes twice a year. As the kids get bigger the bigger sizes are more expensive
I have my heating on a lot more now I have children, years ago I would have sat with my woolies on but I like my home to be cosy and warm for the kids.

AndNowItsSeven · 08/08/2015 20:01

Sorry Wally I should have added up the figures. I thought you meant £50 x 3

TheNewStatesman · 08/08/2015 20:12

Well, it's certainly possible to economize on many things, and yes you should be a little skeptical of those articles that come out every now and again telling you that raising a child to 18 costs 73 million billion pounds etc. etc. etc. Take a closer look at the figures and you will see that these estimates are often based on the assumption that you will do everything the most expensive way. A smart person can often do things for quite a bit less.

However. The problem is that the really "big ticket" items medical, education, housing, childcareare the ones that are the hardest to economize on. I can get toys and clothes from charity shops, sure, but then those things don't make up much of the cost of child rearing. The big expenses are things like medical costs, university fees and so on. I don't know any easy way to "do" university in an economical way, and I don't think I'd want to put my child in cut-price childcare or put cut-price braces on their teeth, even if such things existed!