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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask why having kids is expensive?

561 replies

HodgePodge23 · 08/08/2015 15:06

What do you need to buy them apart from toys, food, clothes and a few other bits and bobs here and there? I have an 8 month old so maybe things will get more expensive with time, but I really don't understand why people say having children is expensive. What are people spending their money on?

OP posts:
VinoTime · 08/08/2015 17:22

This morning I watched my 8yo DD polish off a bowl of porridge with raisins, two slices of brown toast, half a tin of beans, a two egg omelette, three rashers of bacon, some mushrooms and two glasses of full fat milk. She then came back 10 minutes later wanting a banana. After she demolished the banana, she demolished an apple.

That was just breakfast. And I only have the one child.

New school uniform has cost me well over £100 to buy. New school shoes were £42.00 and her new trainers were £30.00. New waterproof jacket was £20.00 (in the sale and reduced from £45.00) and her new bike that she desperately needed and has been out on non stop this summer was £130.00.

When I total up the cost of all the things I have done with her over the summer holidays to keep her entertained, I want to cry. I'm talking hundreds. I'm looking forward to the schools starting back. My childcare costs are only a tenth of my earnings - it's far cheaper to keep her at school!

NewLife4Me · 08/08/2015 17:25

I think people justify the amount they spend and on what they spend it on too.

Looking at the above I wouldn't have childcare as essential because to me it isn't.
However, with a talented child her music lessons are essential to us.

I don't pay for driving lessons, car insurance, uni expenses as I don't believe in it.
Others see these as essential.

Egosumquisum · 08/08/2015 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComfySensibleShoes · 08/08/2015 17:30

Sounds like your DD had a balanced breakfast Vino, I'd like to come to yours for breakfast!

I think this whole thread has really hit a nerve for people...it's really expensive raising children. There is an image out there which suggests that children are over-indulged every step of the way, which isn't true for most families - just staying afloat and providing the basics costs £££££

dementedma · 08/08/2015 17:31

The ops question has to be the daftest ever on MN and that's saying something!

LovelyFriend · 08/08/2015 17:32

take the money you have earned to date just supporting yourself, and divide it by 2 or 3 or how ever many DC you plan on having.

I've been paying £14k a year in childcare for 6 years and people wonder why I'm having housing issues and can't afford to move. Imagine £84k off a mortgage!!!!

Of course if you have the money it can be expensive as you want it to be. You can do it more cheaply too - but still it costs, In my situation childcare couldnt be avoided unless I quit working and went on benefits which I didn't want to do.

Baddz · 08/08/2015 17:33

Oh how sweet :)
Wait til you have a pre teen/teen?
Food alone! Then uniforms, hobbies, sports, clothes, shoes and trainers, tech, phones....
My ds1 is 12 and ATM I am having to buy him new clothes every 2 months!

Happytuesdays99 · 08/08/2015 17:33

Childcare cost me more than £25000 for the years I needed it. Loss of earning about £60,000 net. Food, clothes toys £10,000-£15,000 I would say. Also house move cost another £70,000 for an extra bedroom. So close on £200,000 over 10 years. I would imagine by the time university is paid for, If they go, weddings, helping with other stuff like cars and houses, this could easily grow to £300k plus. Expensive hobby kids!

drudgetrudy · 08/08/2015 17:35

It isn't so much the amount you spend, particularly with young children. Its that you will have a choice between loss of earnings or paying out for childcare. Once they no longer need childcare more expensive activities, clothes etc are likely to be requested.-- and you may wish to help whilst they go on to higher education.
Having kids is great but there is no saying that it isn't a long term expense. Something most parents know and are happy with.

SurlyCue · 08/08/2015 17:36

I think people justify the amount they spend and on what they spend it on too.

Confused what a silly comment. Of course they do! Otherwise they wouldnt spend it! You do it yourself in the next paragraph!

with a talented child her music lessons are essential to us

Fwiw music lessons are not essential. Talent or no talent. But i guess you have to justify them to yourself Wink

Childcare isnt essential if you dont work (but are then losing a salary so six of one...) or are one of the lucky few to have family able to provide it for free.

ComfySensibleShoes · 08/08/2015 17:37

NewLife4Me obviously, working isn't essential to some people but it is to others, and it's not really about justifying childcare costs - if you're working (and don't have grandparents on hand and can't put the baby in a drawer in the office) then obv childcare is essential.

I'll not say any more, as it would be a shame to turn the thread into a working/not working thread.

Preciousbane · 08/08/2015 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drudgetrudy · 08/08/2015 17:40

If you don't use childcare you will lose potential earnings. You can spend a lot less than some people do but it will still cost.

MewlingQuim · 08/08/2015 17:50

I agree that childcare costs lots but otherwise I'm with waitaminute it is very tiresome listening to parents moaning about how expensive children are. Many of the 'costs' listed by PPs are optional, no one has to spend £££ on birthday parties for the whole class or addidas Hmm

Having children may mean that we choose to spend our money on different things to what we would if we were childless, but it is still a choice that we made.

Why should I say that DD costs me half my salary because I work part-time? If I did not have children I may have jacked in my job and gone backpacking round China or something, and earned nothing.

DD did not cost me that money, and it is unfair to 'blame' her for it.

Egosumquisum · 08/08/2015 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 08/08/2015 17:54

I don't find mine particularly expensive, certainly not compared to the outgoings we had pre children anyway - we used to have flash holidays and would spend £100's on a decent night out, now we don't have nights out at all and we have cheapy camping/exploring holidays. We did buy second hand/heavily discounted and have used the same stuff for all four DC so I suppose that helps, and we wouldn't have sent the private so little costs for school (uniform is cheaper than usual clothes for primary DC I find). Our shopping bill is the same as it was pre children as now I am home I cook with basic ingredients and make good meals as apposed to all the ready meal expensive crap we used to eat.

I suppose there is my loss of earnings, but I wouldn't have been working anyway due to my health so I cant blame that on the dc... I have managed to go back to uni and do a degree - and they pay most of the childcare bill!

Its all relative I think.

Radish9 · 08/08/2015 17:55

Ok, I'm not complaining because I know it was the choice we made. We had 2 children in under 2 years, and I went back to work full time with them in a local private nursery (not London). Our nursery fees were between £1500 and £1800 pounds a month, and we would have been financially better off if my husband had become a SAHD. We were totally broke, it was an eye-watering amount of money.

grandmaster11 · 08/08/2015 17:57

We spend significantly less with 5 of us than we used to when we wers just a couple.

Mine have a pair of shoes each (2 when school is on)

We live in a 2 bed.

Same car as we had pre children

We both work round each other no childcare

We luckily live in an area where a lot of activities are very cheap or free

Eastpoint · 08/08/2015 17:58

One of my dcs is taking part in a training day for a sport. It was supposed to be 40 minutes away but it has been moved & is now 1hr 30 mins away. I picked up her & 4 friends, we're doing a car share but that's 3hrs driving & fuel. There's another example of an unforeseen expense.

SurlyCue · 08/08/2015 18:00

DD did not cost me that money, and it is unfair to 'blame' her for it.

Nobody is "blaming" their DC Hmm just explaining why Dc are expensive in response to OP' question.

Why should I say that DD costs me half my salary because I work part-time? If I did not have children I may have jacked in my job and gone backpacking round China or something, and earned nothing.

so if someone posted a thread asking why jacking in your job and backpacking round china was expensive, people would respond with a breakdown of costs. One of which would be "loss of income". Nobody is blaming China, or backpacking! Just explaining the costs.

drudgetrudy · 08/08/2015 18:00

I wouldn't like to think I came across as blaming kids for costing money-its just a fact that they do-and for most of us we actively want to have kids and are happy to spend on them-its our choice, not theirs'.
I agree that many people spend a lot more than is necessary but most people do want to give their kids the opportunity to both have fun and develop their talents.

Mistigri · 08/08/2015 18:00

Nursery costs aside, young children don't need to cost the earth - you don't need to spend the best part of a grand on a pushchair, etc. Most people spend far more than they need to.

There are some unavoidable expenses as they get older though - teenagers can cost a fortune to feed, and even state schools can have very expensive uniform requirements. And they inevitably do want more "stuff", not essential but it would be tough these days for a teenager who didn't have a smart phone, a computer with Internet access (pretty essential for school) and reasonably fashionable clothes. Day trips and holidays also get much more expensive esp once they are over 12.

VerityWaves · 08/08/2015 18:03

I have one which we planned due to giving her the v best we can.
Education
Me quitting work to care for her
Clothes
Shoes
Holidays
Activities / sports equipment
Uniforms
Toys
Food
Nice comfortable home with space for privacy
Money to go out when teens
Christmas / birthdays
Days out - food , parking , entrance

If we couldnt provide a decent quality of life we wouldn't have had a child.

grandmaster11 · 08/08/2015 18:09

I try and do cheap things with mine over the summer. I have had the summer holidays off and have mainly been down the beach. We also visit the woods and the country parks.

There have been lots of free community days and street parties on so we have gone to all of them. We also visit the hotels and just buy a drink and a cake, and then we can use the play equipment.

chocnomorechoc · 08/08/2015 18:09

one of my DC is severely autistic (issues became only obvious after 2.5 years). this is something we had not 'planned' for. as a result I will probably never be able to.work full time again. add in therapy costs (what you get on the NHS is shamefully inadequate). legal fees (to fight for support at school etc), equipment etc and the future of being a carer until I die, the costs will just go up and up.

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