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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think it tedious that vegetarians never reciprocate the favour

327 replies

Hermi0ne · 08/08/2015 12:26

Now, I´m not mightily peed off at this, and I really dont want to offend any veg´s here but I have quite a few veg friends and over the years you invite ppl over for meals and in turn get invited etc. I always cater for their vegetarian lifestyle choice (because thats what it is, its not an allergy, thats different), but they never cater for mine. This is just something I´ve been musing about for awhile now, nothing too serious. But I really like my meat and think its unfair that vegetarians expect meat eaters to pander to them but most of them never even dream of doing meat eaters the same favour!

OP posts:
PearHead · 08/08/2015 17:37

OP, I'm willing to bet that if you hated, say, sea food and told your hosts beforehand, they'd prepare you a dinner without seafood, thus 'pandering' to one of your 'lifestyle choices'.

If you had some vegetarian Hindu friends cooking you dinner, I bet you wouldn't expect them to go against their religious convictions to cook you some meat.

I'm saying this, because it pisses me off when people lump vegetarianism in with 'lifestyle choices' (similar to going on paleo diet, or not liking a particular food or food group), whereas for most vegetarians, it is a serious everyday moral choice, and is more akin to 'religious convictions'.

If someone believes that killing animals for meat is murder, then why the fuck do you think they should break their own moral code to make one of your evenings mildly more pleasant.

Grow the fuck up and learn to eat something other than meat. I say this as a carnivore.

maras2 · 08/08/2015 17:44

With that attitude I'm surprised that you have any friends to pander to < veggie or not >

achieve6 · 08/08/2015 17:53

Hermione, you haven't answered the question about whether you expect a Hindu friend to serve you beef or a Muslim friend pork etc

cuckooflamingo · 08/08/2015 18:02

Actually, I'm a veggie, though my kids eat meat. I just had meat eating friends staying for a week. I cooked them beef meatballs, pork sausages, and one night they cooked chicken for them and the kids.

However, if I just had friends over for dinner for one night I would nearly always cook veggie. The main reason being, it's my comfort zone and I want to cook something I think I'm good at and I know tastes nice! It's really hard to cook something that you can't actually taste

TravellingHopefully12 · 08/08/2015 18:08

Sorry but you can't expect vegetarians to cook meat. I assume you can eat vegetarian food with no adverse affects/moral dilemmas? Some veggie meals are gorgeous (and this is from a confirmed carnivore.)

Also meat is really really expensive, especially if you only want to buy the good high welfare stuff (as I do) meaning that veggie dinners are significantly cheaper for the host. I am now daydreaming about baked spinach tortelli or a huge plate of autumnal mushroom risotto (delicious!)

kungfupannda · 08/08/2015 18:08

It's not a personal insult to you. It's just the way things are for a lot of vegetarians. If you don't want to cook vegetarian food for them with good grace, then don't invite them round. If you don't want to eat vegetarian food, don't accept invitations to vegetarian households.

I'm a vegetarian. I will handle and cook meat - I'm the only vegetarian in our household - but I tend to stick to frozen things or filled pasta, rather than meat that needs proper preparation as I have no clue what I'm doing with it or how to be sure it's safely cooked, and I can't taste it to check.

If I'm cooking for a dinner party, I cook vegetarian food. I can be sure that people get a nice meal that way.

Littleham · 08/08/2015 18:13

By the way, I'm always happy to take a veggie dish to someone's house or graze on side dishes, so don't feel obliged to make a veggie meal. It is lovely if someone feels like making one but most veggies don't expect special consideration. Same with BBQ's - I just take my own stuff and it is never a problem. Hog roasts are tricky so I just eat beforehand

UngratefulMoo · 08/08/2015 18:22

I have been a veggie most of my life and wouldn't cook meat (except maybe, sausages) partly because I don't want to and partly because I would have no idea whether it was properly cooked - I'd probably poison you! If, however, you told me you didn't like vegetables I would cook you something to your taste. I recently had to cook a dairy-free veggie meal which was a bit of a challenge! If the invite is returned I won't expect them to serve me dairy just because I like it.

So yes, YANBU.

ArendelleQueen · 08/08/2015 18:39

When I host, I like to ensure that my guests will enjoy their experience. If you're going to be bitter, maybe perhaps stop inviting people.

ArendelleQueen · 08/08/2015 18:40

*maybe not maybe perhaps Grin

SamJohnsonsBoy · 08/08/2015 18:43

No YANBU. Our one veggie friend does cater for meat eaters but then she is a very nice person. Those who won't are frankly shits.

Plus always remember that a vegetarian is only a vegan who lacks commitment.

Gabilan · 08/08/2015 18:43

" I was just asking to do some mind gym here, question common beliefs. But I know that people dont cope well with this sort of thing, they are way more willing to not question. "

Ahh, so it's all our fault for not being able to perform in your mind gym.

I've been pescatarian for 30 years, since childhood, so it's not the first time I've encountered your wonderfully innovative argument, OP. Generally I'm puzzled by the way in which people will respect religious strictures ("I'm not eating it because a text written several millennia ago told me not to") but dislike the arguments put forwards by vegetarians ("I don't want to eat animal flesh, farming methods are cruel, they're a poor use of the planet's limited resources").

As far as reciprocation goes, you cook a meal the vegetarian can eat, the vegetarian cooks a meal you can eat. Errm, that's it. I think part of the problem, as illustrated on this thread, is that some people think that vegetarianism is about eating limp omelettes, or constructing a meat-based meal and then using a meat substitute. Good vegetarian cookery is far from this. Vegetarian cooks can have a wonderful understanding of flavours and produce exquisite and filling meals. Vegetarian cookery really doesn't have to rely on Quorn, or fake-sausage rolls. I usually find that by the time I've given guests 4 courses, including a chocolate orange cheesecake to die for, they're not hankering after meat.

If meat-eating friends or relatives are staying with me for several days, we reach a compromise. This is easy for me as I do eat fish (carefully sourced) but there are other ways around this. I don't like people cooking meat in my kitchen but I tolerate them getting meat-based sandwich fillings for lunch or putting meat toppings on pizza. I don't like it, but I turn a blind eye to bacon cooking in the morning as well. Or, we'll just go out for a meal.

londonrach · 08/08/2015 18:45

Tbh i kinda get where op is coming from. If her friend was a good host she would cook meat. However for one night op you can manage without meat. After all we are designed to eat both meat and greens.

WorktoLive · 08/08/2015 18:54

It's totally unreasonable to expect vegetarians to cook meat! It's no different to expecting Muslims or Jewish people to cook pork.

Whatever reason someone has for avoiding some or all meat, it's not fair to expect them to buy it, have it in their house, handle it, clean up after it and worry that there are remains left in their cooking pots etc.

There are plenty of alternative foods that don't contain meat - just have those instead. It's not compulsory for meat eaters to eat meat at every meal and it's good to have plenty of non meat containing meals - just treat it like one of those.

I am a meat eater BTW.

tabulahrasa · 08/08/2015 19:10

"If her friend was a good host she would cook meat."

Why?

A good host provides food that can be eaten within any dietary restrictions and hopefully tastes good...they don't find out what foods a guest prefers over others and only cooks those.

If someone who did eat and cook meat happened to make a dish without meat in it, would you go home complaining that they aren't a good host? Hmm

PosterEh · 08/08/2015 19:11

It is possible to get your point, Op, and yet still disagree. The two situations are not equivalent so it is not double standards.
They are expecting you to avoid cooking a particular thing and you are expecting them to actively cook a particular thing. It's different.

spanky2 · 08/08/2015 19:20

I'm vegetarian but cook meat for my family. What's wrong with eating vege once in a while?

Gabilan · 08/08/2015 19:22

"If her friend was a good host she would cook meat. However for one night op you can manage without meat. After all we are designed to eat both"

I think we'll have to agree to disagree on what constitutes good hosting. I can provide guests with a nutritious, tasty meal that I'm comfortable cooking. I'll have practised cooking it and I'll have tasted it along the way so I know it's OK. You can either have that, or some meat I'm not comfortable cooking and won't share with you. I'll also have no idea whether it tastes any good or not. I can follow a recipe. I can poke it and prod it and check it's cooked OK. I just wouldn't want to serve it without knowing what it tastes like, and I'm not breaking a habit of 30 years just because a guest thinks they'll suffer in some way by not eating meat for a meal.

We're not designed to do anything. We have evolved as omnivores. It's one of the things that has enabled us to survive and spread as well as we have.

Vegetablecasserole · 08/08/2015 19:22

You eat x and y
Friend only eats x
Surely if one of you is cooking you want something both of you can eat so you cook x?
It would be unreasonable for them to object to you having meat when they don't have to cook it (you hosting dinner, restaurant etc). But YABVU to expect them to cook meat.

I'm not a veggie, but have good manners to eat what someone has cooked for me, quietly not eating any bits I really can't stand, and to enjoy not having had to cook.

UngratefulMoo · 08/08/2015 19:27

Ha ha - my phone autocorrected YABVU to YANBU. Shows how often I'm on here :)

perplexedpirate · 08/08/2015 19:32

I ain't stinking up my house with meat for no-one. Eat elsewhere if you don't like the broccoli.

mistlethrush · 08/08/2015 19:45

Hermione, if that was your absolute request that you needed to have meat cooked for you if you came to supper, I would cook meat for you. It would be crap - not because I tried to make it crap, but because I turned vegetarian when I was 6 and therefore have not cooked meat and never want to cook meat. In contrast, if you had vegetarian food I cooked it would be good - as I have done lots of cooking of vegetarian food, know what I'm doing and am prepared to taste it to make sure it's seasoned correctly etc.

paddymcgintysmum · 08/08/2015 19:57

I haven't eaten meat for 50 + years and my DC eats no meat but I always cooked it for XH and guests. My DC does too. Think you've met the wrong ones.

My attitude is don't try and convert me, (I put down any discussion of it at the dinner table) and I won't try and convert you.

I am a bit odd though in meat eaters eyes as I can't see wrong in wearing fur. If you eat it, wear it. I also buy beautiful leather shoes and bags.

Although I love animals I am realistic, and believe compassion in farming is most important.

KidLorneRoll · 08/08/2015 20:07

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PurpleDaisies · 08/08/2015 20:13

They are catering for you...they are feeding you.

Some of my vegetarian friends cook meat for meat eaters. I'm a meat eater and I often cook veggie for people who come round for dinner because those meals taste good. If someone told me they didn't like it couldn't eat something I wouldn't serve it.

I have never ever had soneone say "could you please cook something specific tonight" which is effectively what you're doing by whinging about not being served meat to fit in with your "lifestyle".

YABU.